ian’s not sure if mickey totally believes, not yet, but he knows they’ll get there.

[sandwich asshole au pt. 5 (final installment) - 1378 words - ao3]

Work was so much better when they were back to normal - Mickey making him laugh during lunch and Mickey trying to mooch as much of Ian’s sandwich as he could and Mickey kissing him behind the cleaning supplies. Ian forgot that his internship was boring as hell and he forgot the sharp pain of a broken heart, because they had both mended theirs, with chocolate sandwiches and shy smiles in the dim lighting of the Gallagher kitchen.

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My eyes used to shine whenever you came in the room but since you’ve left, all thats left is a burnt out flame.
dear father (please respond to my emails, i love you)

i promised myself i wouldnt apologize for my choice but we both know i’d do anything to feel like you love me.
i’m not sure if you even love me at all. i often wonder if you ever did and i’m scared of finding out the answer.
i thought it would be different this time. i thought maybe i could make you proud enough that you’d forget i’m my mother’s daughter, that you’d ignore the scars i dont show but you know i have, that you’d forgive me for needing chemicals to function, for feeling so much and saying so little, for being so scared…
the day you told me when i went back you wouldn’t help me ever again i cried my eyes dry and punched walls until my blood dried too.
the day you asked me if this was the life i wanted for myself i couldnt find the words to tell you that this is all the life i’d ever get so when you said i didnt need the pills i nodded and only ever cried when i was on my own. i was on my own a lot the past two years. i was on my own a lot the past eight years.
when you said you didnt think i even liked you i didnt have the strength to say i felt the same towards you so i whispered that i loved you and that i’d always had and always would. i never told you how much it hurt to know you’d doubt that.
you acted like i was a burden to you, like i owed you everything i had, like i would never amount to anything worth your time and i know it’s true so i repeat it to myself in the mirror every single day.
everybody says i have communication issues when it comes to you, but i know it’s because i always feel unworthy and i’d kill to make you proud of me. today was the first time i ever said out loud that all i wished for all my life was for you to love me and i dont think i’ve ever wanted to disappear more badly.
ever since i was a little girl i wanted to be just like you when i grew up but as i grew older “just like your father” was the one insult that made my skin crawl because i wanted it to mean a good thing so badly even though i knew it didn’t.
what hurts the most is that i’m just like you. i have your arrogance, your argumentative skills, your eyes, your selfishness, your terrible eyesight, your hands… but it’ll never be enough for you to love me.