unslumping

Here We Are...

You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.

- Dr Seuss

It took months of yo-yoing moods, tearful phone calls to my mother, an endless doubt and confusion, before someone finally said the D word to me. 

Depression. 

My mother was the first to suggest it - she’d seen the changes, from the girl she sent off into the world, to the emotional and weepy person I’d become in two short years. 

The concept does nothing to please me. The thoughts keep chasing around my head - I can’t be depressed, it’s not serious enough. But at the same time, the concept of carrying on through the motions at uni every day is just a little too much to bear. I’m apathetic, I’m weepy, and maybe, I’m depressed. 

So here we are. My boyfriend of two years and I broke up last night, setting off the final trigger in what was a long coming resignation to this fact. I spent the night lying in the dark, on the living room floor, and realised something had to change. 

This will hopefully serve to be a journey in unslumping. I’m willing to try anything, and I want to do it as holistically as possible. I’m embracing something new.

We’ll see how it goes.  

At least I made some easy money today.

I love tutoring, and I started an intensive course to prepare someone for a job interview. The two hours just flew by!

But I was in a slump today. I have moments where I say or do stupid things and spend the rest of the day/week/forever wondering if I’m a bad person. That’s where I am right now.

And unslumping yourself is not easily done.