I can have a seemingly perfect day but then those endorphins wear off and everything still goes to shit. Because depression is an everyday struggle. Because this past week has been especially bad.
I don’t even know when or why this little episode came on. I left the store feeling utterly alone, wanting company for my monotonous errand. And I wanted someone to come home to, someone to talk about my day with. But I don’t have that so I listened to depressing music in the car. Music that made me think of better times. Things lost. Brilliant move on my part. Not.
And I had wine with dinner and I was fine. But I was sick of my giant lonely bed so I decided to move the twins apart to make it smaller. Make it less lonely. But then I spilled a glass of red wine all over my open dresser, unmailed Christmas cards and a very important work binder. How embarrassing. So irresponsible. Not looking forward to that conversation with my boss.
Done with today. So done.