Accounting: selling your soul for money.
Aerospace Engineering: “it actually is rocket science.”
Anthropology: it’ll get you laid, but it won’t get you paid!
Archeology: if you don’t know what it is, it’s probably ceremonial.
Art History: and you thought making art was pointless!
Astrophysics: “Eh, I’m within an order of magnitude…”
Biochemistry: spend 4 years aspiring to discover the cure for cancer, and the rest of your life manufacturing shampoo.
Chemistry: where alcohol is a solution.
Communications: "we’ll teach you everything you need to know about convincing your friends that your degree is actually meaningful."
Computer Engineering: tons of chicks, just not very many.
Computer Science (for a straight girl): the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Creative Writing: because job security is for pussies.
Criminal Justice: we’re here because of Law & Order reruns.
Dental Hygienist: “something to do until you get knocked up.”
Engineering: the art of figuring out which parameters you can safely ignore.
English: so you want to be a teacher.
Film: forks on the left, knives on the right.
Finance: “accounting was too hard.”
Graphic Design: no, we’re not artists. We’re designers; there’s a difference.
History: history may repeat itself, but you definitely will.
Information Technology: let me Google that for you.
Journalism: learn how to construct an argument that no one will listen to.
Latin: because useful is overrated.
Linguistics: studied 17 languages, fluent in none of them.
Marine Biology: “I wanted to play with dolphins, but I’m looking at algae instead.”
Music Performance: if you don’t hate yourself, you’re doing it wrong.
Nursing: learning to save others’ lives while struggling not to take your own.
Philosophy: think about it.
Photography: it’s worth a shot.
Physics: “everything you learned last week was wrong.”
Political Science: your opinion is wrong
Pre-med: “I’ll probably switch majors in two years.”
Psychology: good luck doing anything until you get your Masters.
Speech Pathology: we have a way of making you talk.
Statistics: where everything’s made up, and numbers don’t matter.
Structural Engineering: because architects don’t know what physics is.
Zoology: because you can’t major in kittens.