These days go by so fast when you sleep in the day and are awake at night. Odd. 12weeks. Its almost to an end. Already.
I am getting to see Randy today. Amd my bio mom.
Got the ring box, hoping that it will let me upload the pics and video. It looks alright. The rings look great together in it. I think it will make Randys heart stop.
So excited! Randy got me a gift as well. He ia gonna give it to me soon. Its very traditional japanese
How entirely thoughtful
He says its his way of showing his appreciation and care for me. I know he cares and appreciates me. He is so good to me
Im a fool.
I hate this wait
For my birthday. I want to propose NOW but we are not ready yet. i just know he will love it. And it will be perfect on my bday
I eradicated my fathet uesterday. Now its just ocean randy and my self. Its all i need.
I am very comfortable here. Im learning a lot. Speaking even less. Hiding more. Trusting and caring less. Just engrossing myself with randy and ocean. They are all i know now. And i will do anything for them.
I would lay my life down for either of them, no hesitation. No second thought. Wearing a smile.
This life with randy is all i am focused on. I hope that he will see that. He is all i know. By choice. Hes all i care to know.
Fate does funny things sometimes. I hope that this time with randy works out… he says its his life hes gambling this time and it is starting to get that way with me. I am ignoring it. And denying it. But. I seriously could care less about everything as long as i have Randy. I will do anythimg. Anything for him. And i am. Eagerly. Happily. Nothing is important to me except Randy Ocean and myself. I have omitted all else. And I am happy here. I have all i need. Personally.
This is my life and if randy doesnt accept me, thsn i lose my whole life. I will essentially forfeit to living carelessly. What else is there to care for?
12 more weeks. This will go by fast. Just gotta sleep it off. Work on myself. And i will get there fast.