I am going to lose my mind, seriously.
Let’s forget this week, where I run into Little Lion Man on assignment. No, let’s forget how the lift doors opened and we rode in awkward silence, and then BBMd about rom-com moments and how the TV-fucking-3 cameraman shoved me into him.
Let’s forget how we find out that Little Lion Man has possibly pried New Girlfriend away from Old Boyfriend, or at least grabbed her on the rebound.
Let’s ignore the whole bullshit drama with TZF.
Let’s also forget how last night I find out Kalj and Little Lion Man are friends. Like, okay, fine, why not. The guy who made a pass at me while I was struggling with a stupid excuse for a relationship and who may or may not have had a girlfriend while doing it (God knows, who cares), and whose girlfriend started sending me wacko emails LAST MONTH to try and be sneaky and find out what happened and then goes and shows them to Kalj OUT OF FUCKING CONTEXT. He can be friends with my EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE EX who was PLAYING ME OUT for nookie. Why the fuck not? After all, Kalj is the purveyor of that BRILLIANT line, “you don’t want to sleep with me because you’re scared you’ll fall in love with me.”
No, honey, I don’t wanna sleep with you because you’re a no-talent loser who isn’t an EIGHTH as clever as you think you are. Not to mention a lousy kisser.
Fucking surrender monkeys. Times like these, I miss Nils. He’d have a million fantastic jokes.
But today, I come in to work and see a nutcase message from R’s GIRLFRIEND, KALPHENA WITH A PH, saying that they’ve broken up.
Hey Tash! Just wanted you to know Rubin and I broke up ;)
Say WHAT? I know you’re Ceylonese, so why the fuck are you acting Punjabi?
And on his Wall:
When she calls you again, thank her for me. She’s been nothing short of amazing. Or maybe you can call her and thank her for me. Well done.
I have a headache.
(Also, ‘she’? Besides a headache, I also have a name, you stupid cow.)
Anyway, I messaged the craycray biatch back, first kinda nicely, then when I called R and he took it out on ME, I put the bitch back into my spine and told her off, firmly, politely, but with the… Okay, who am I kidding, I told her off in a condescending yet friendly manner. And I’m never polite. No fucking bullshit here.
Seriously, what the fuck?
What am I doing wrong? There is no way this kind of drama pursues me without my being a fucktard first, kan? What am I doing wrong?