sometimes i think about how twelve regrets not making himself clara’s boyfriend. sometimes i think about how touchy clara and eleven were when i think of twelve being adamant about him not being into hugs now. sometimes i think about twelve trying to put up these physical walls between himself and clara because it pains him to have made that mistake. sometimes i think about twelve doing everything he can to get over her, thinking that by now it’s too late for them to have a chance. 

Crush (12/Clara)

He sees her talking with someone when he steps out of the Tardis. He’s an older man, late 40s by the looks of it, with the air of an academic. Probably a coworker. How boring. Social interaction. Not me.

But before he turns to head back into the Tardis he notices something different about Clara. Her smile. He’s never seen her smile that way before. Curiosity gets the better of him, wanting to know who’s the man who can make her smile with such a mixture of shyness, embarrassment, and adoration.

"Who was he?" He asks once she’s in hearing distance. She chances a quick glance behind her before shrugging.

"No one."

"Then why are you smiling like that?"

"Like what?" He scowls.

"Nothing it’s just - it’s embarrassing okay? I would appreciate it if you’d let it go."

He stuffs his hands in his pockets, the red lining of his coat flashing brightly like a warning, his stance a clear indication that no I’m not going to let it go, just answer the question already.

She sighs and her fingers start nervously drumming against the the sides of the coffee cup she’s holding closer to herself than she’d normally would. The noise quickly begins to irritate him, but she finally speaks up before he can express his annoyance and says, “He used to be one of my English teachers in primary school.”

"Mmm, and?"

"And?"

"That doesn’t answer my second question."

She looks out at the school, onto the spot where she had been talking with the man. Her lips press into a thin line as she tries to suppress the same smile the Doctor had seen earlier.

"He… I kind of use to have a massive crush on him back when I was little. Being in his class was actually what started my interest in becoming a school teacher myself."

"You had a crush on one of your teachers?"

"What?" She matches his hard stare with one of amusement. "Never had any crushes when you were a kid?"

"No." He says firmly and with a hint of mockery. She nods before bringing the cup up to her lips for a quick sip, and starts walking away from him and towards the Tardis. For a second he fears that maybe he was too inconsiderate and had upset her. But suddenly his ears catch a sound, a giggle, and he can’t stop his hand from instinctively wrapping around the little toy soldier he found on his window sill all those hundreds of years ago as two words tumble out in a shy whisper:

"Just you."

I know we were told that Twelve was going to be different, darker, more alien, more mature even — a grown and proper mastermind Doctor, someone with more bite to him like Seven or Nine. And I do see that, in some ways I do. 

But in actuality I feel like Twelve is a more “human” doctor, and in many ways much younger and more vulnerable. I know this sounds backwards, and I’m sure you may disagree but.

Eleven was this gamboling maniac, he had this daring, genius child persona that he wore and it was sweet and charming. There was no doubt that he could be very empathetic and tenderhearted. But he was using that persona to distance himself from himself, from the time war, from his actions and mistakes in his previous body — and even from his companions. 

The companions might have gotten flirtier under Moffat’s reign (and this is a point of contention for some but that’s not what this post is about) but the Doctor refused to flirt back. Eleven was intentionally dense, and you could sense that he really Did Not Get It. He seemed pleased by River’s attentions, but bewildered by it, and he was completely unreceptive to Amy’s (no matter what some of us wished at the time)

But I feel like there’s just this hint that Twelve, while alien and and neutral and out of practice with the modern human, feels thing more sharply, and that his feelings are closer to the surface, making him much more guarded. And I get this sense that he’s not as genuinely oblivious to human feelings and attractions and attentions. He doesn’t understand them but he’s not oblivious.

Twelve is not some wandering ancient child of the universe, he’s a man who’s lost and alone and questioning himself, his actions, his intentions. He remembers what it was to be a lonely little boy, and he remembers what it was to be a soldier in a war. I think this has made him sharp, defensive, reactive.

But I also think he’s much more plaintive than many of his other incarnations, secretly eager for attention, for direction. He wants to learn, and be subject to. He wants to look into the parts of himself he’s always glossed over before.

I always felt like Eleven was compulsively fascinated by Clara but also dismissive of her. He didn’t listen to her or try to learn from her, not really. She was dear to him, she was a friend, he’d seen echos of her die so he was fiercely protective of her — but in some ways that protectiveness was more about him, and his need not to fail in protecting her than his real understanding and valuing Clara for who she is. 

Twelve doesn’t treat her with the same kid gloves, but at the same time he looks at her with such hunger for her approval. He pushes her harder but he trusts her more, he trusts her to have answers that he doesn’t have himself, he trusts her to fly his TARDIS with a neural link rather than piloting himself to his own dream. He trusts her to tell him whether or not he’s a good man. 

There’s a fragility to Twelve, and a self-awareness, that Eleven, as much as I loved him, seemed to be lacking. 

If Eleven was a young man constructed by an old man from memory, then Twelve is an old man as put on like a disguise by a lonely, wary, yearning, little boy. 

I noticed the incredible parallels between Hide and Listen, apart the monster that isn’t a monster, the fear , there’s a thing that bugs me. The professor and Emma aren’t a parallel to Danny and Clara, not at all because Clara is not Danny’s assistant but the Doctor’s assistant as Emma was the Professor’s assistant , also the whole every lonely monster needs a companion was a way to describe the Doctor and the whole “This isn’t a ghost story, this is a love story” was a parallel to the whole ghost/echoes story line in that season , also the way the Doctor said “Love story” and looked at Clara meant something or the whole “Keep holding hands and don’t let go!” and after that him and Clara always held hands, all of it speaks volumes of their relationship(souffez is real and beautiful) so I truly hope to never see someone saying that the Professor and Emma are a Danny/Clara parallel because I would really go out of my mind! The Professor was older than Emma and the Doctor is older than Clara and both of them kept secrets to their companions.I am not denying the Parallels of Emma/Hila and Clara/Orson by the way as they are obvious but I still don’t think the traveler pioner to be Clara’s descendant, not Moffat style to reveal someone’s future so easily at least regarding the main characters.

The Whouffaldi tag has been my home for months though like it all happened so suddenly. One day I was wondering if anyone wrote any Twelve x Clara fics so I searched for it and then I found this tag and I’ve been here ever since.

10

[clara please, eh, for me?  h e l p   h i m.  goodbye clara. miss ya]  
h   e      a   s   k  e   d      y   o  u       a      q   u   e   s   t  i   o  n .

                 w i l l   y o u   h e l p  m e ?

[clara … give him hell, he’ll always need it.]
d: i don’t think that i’m a hugging person now.
c: i’m not sure you get a vote …
d: whatever you say.

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