So I’ve rewached “Reichenbach” (sober this time). And let me tell you… it was a lot easier to get through this episode with alcohol in my bloodstream. Not because the episode is terrible - I’m not saying that! Because it is absolutely phenomenal! But because without the distraction, this actually friggin’ hurts. Yes, it’s laced with humor and angelic cuteness. But really… beneath all of that…. This episode is all about pain.

It’s about Castiel losing his grace more and more by the second.
About how Hannah would do anything to help him get it back.
About her thinking like a true angel and Cas not quite identifying.
About Cas becoming more human by the second and no exactly hating the idea.

It’s about Sam doing anything he can to find his brother.
About being blind to someone following him when he should know better.
About resorting to calling in a failing angel for help because he has no one else left.
About Sam being so desperate, he’s getting rather careless.

It’s about Crowley losing his touch as the King of Hell.
About him becoming bored with anything to do with his ‘business’.
About a part of him still remaining slightly human after the treatment, even though he’d rather pretend otherwise.
About him clinging to Dean because he just wants to be loved. (But at the same time he’s a demon and that is preposterous.)

It’s about Dean straddling the line between crippled human and lackluster demon.
About hating himself and what he’s become, but trying not to show it.
About him embracing blood and killing and careless behavior because he’s so damaged.
About how he’s so unlike himself it just hurts everyone surrounding him.
About him mistreating everything that had ever meant anything to him.
About his inner struggle between darkness and the light he’s fought for his entire life.
About letting Cole go because he still can’t bear to kill the innocent (though he’s not ready to face that fact yet).
About embracing the demon inside of him to the point of flashing his black eyes carelessly.
About him going pretty much quietly with Sam in the end because there’s a part in him that’s still struggling for his humanity.

It’s bloody and heart-wrenching and this season and these men are going to kill me. I swear.


Okay can we give round of applause to Jensen and his amazing acting skills like seriously I was so scared from this scene because that’s not the “Dean” we know anymore and yet look at Sammy he will go to the end of the world to save him even though I am sure he saw his eyes and felt it too but he won’t give up on his brother no matter what.