tw: psychological abuse

  • Mother:What are you going to pout all day?
  • Me:Sorry, I'm just sick of you being mean to me.
  • Mother:Oh and you're not mean to me?
  • Words I wish I had the courage to say:I am sick of your abuse all the fucking time. You yell at me over nothing or when you're mad at someone else, and then you try to justify it rather than apologising. You never let me talk about things I am passionate for. You're allowed to aim rude "sarcastic" comments at me, but heaven for bid I do the same to you. You tell me to "get over" my anxiety, you make fun of me for things I constantly tell you to stop talking about because I want to forget them. You tell super embarrassing moments to your friends and my friends, and you insist I make friends when you don't even have friends of your own. You threaten to kick me out of the house or put me in foster care, you call me names, and no matter how much I tell you I don't like it, you don't stop or apologise or take back what you said. Yes, I'm mean to you. I am so fucking tired of your abuse, but I can't leave because you raised me to be completely dependent on you so you're not lonely.
  • Me:*pouts*

You know what the scariest thing about this scene is?

That her mother and father just completely ignore Pacifica rushing in on the scene.

Even the 102-year-old senile mayor notices her but her parents don’t even so much as bat an eyebrow, and her father doesn’t even blink.  Like they just refuse to acknowledge her existence until it suits them.

On its own it’s not entirely bad, but in conjunction with the Pavlov bell, it really helps paint a picture of what ensued in Pacifica’s “conditioning.”

…when you’re happy when your abuser really crosses the line, when they do something truly and obviously abusive, because the rest of the time they’re using subtle forms of a kind of abuse that so many people think isn’t even real, and you finally have some validation that they’re as terrible as you’ve always thought they are.

When you’re happy when your abuser spits vile hatred at you and storms off in a rage because you finally know you aren’t a liar.

it is extremely common for victims of emotional abuse to feel like their feelings and fears about the way that they’re being treated are not valid, so if you are someone who is in an emotionally abusive relationship (romantic or otherwise), or if you think you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship, I want you to know that these are some (but not all) of the signs of emotional abuse:

  • guilt tripping
  • manipulation
  • gaslighting (when someone insists that something that did not happened did, or vice versa, sometimes until the other person starts to believe it)
  • humiliation or degradation (sometimes publicly)
  • justifying bullyish behavior by saying “can’t you take a joke,” “you’re being too sensitive,” “you know I didn’t mean it like that,” etc
  • making fun of or otherwise disregarding your opinions
  • belittling accomplishments
  • controlling behavior
  • threats to harm themselves if you don’t do what they want
  • threats to harm you or your family, friends, pets, etc if you don’t do what they want
  • refusal to accept blame/deflecting blame onto you or others
  • blaming you for their negative emotions in an attempt to change your behavior
  • monitoring your activity and/or who you interact with
  • an inability to laugh at themselves while simultaneously laughing at you frequently
  • attempting to isolate you from others
  • irrational jealousy
  • a need to be “the most important person” in your life
  • emotional distancing (i.e. the silent treatment) as “punishment”
  • disregarding your boundaries and valid requests
  • excessive codependence (often whilst expecting the same behavior from you)
  • saying that they “can’t help the way they are”
  • lack of empathy or caring for your own feelings or mental health, or expecting you to sacrifice your mental health for the sake of theirs
  • acting as if you are being mean/unfair to them if you ever become upset with them/push them away because of how they have treated you

***regardless of whether or not these specific signs apply to you, your feelings about your relationships are valid, and you have every right to find happiness and to end relationships with toxic people if you’re able. if you need to talk to someone about how you’re feeling, my ask is always open, and i will answer all messages privately unless you tell me that you’d prefer otherwise or are on anon.

One of the most infuriating arguments I keep hearing defending 50 Shades is “well Ana was aroused even when she said no so that means she actually wanted it and that means it was consensual uwu”

STOP

AROUSAL. DOES. NOT. EQUAL. CONSENT.
EVER.

Psychological abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse on children

via Medical News Today | July 31, 2012

Child abuse experts say psychological abuse can be as damaging to a young child’s physical, mental and emotional health as a slap, punch or kick.

While difficult to pinpoint, it may be the most challenging and prevalent form of child abuse and neglect, experts say in an American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) position statement on psychological maltreatment in the August issue of the journal Pediatrics.

Psychological abuse includes acts such as belittling, denigrating, terrorizing, exploiting, emotional unresponsiveness, or corrupting a child to the point a child’s well-being is at risk, said Dr. Harriet MacMillan, a professor in the departments of psychiatry and behavioural neurosciences and pediatrics of McMaster University’s Michael G. DeGroote School of Medicine and the Offord Centre for Child Studies. One of three authors of the position statement, she holds the David R. (Dan) Offord Chair in Child Studies at McMaster.

“We are talking about extremes and the likelihood of harm, or risk of harm, resulting from the kinds of behavior that make a child feel worthless, unloved or unwanted,” she said, giving the example of a mother leaving her infant alone in a crib all day or a father involving his teenager in his drug habit.

Keep reading

TW for stalking, abuse

“All week we’ve been hearing a steady refrain of "BDSM is not abuse” from many of you (it’s almost like a chant). But as one of our commenters has astutely pointed out: "Take the bdsm off and you still have an abusive relationship.“

Stalking, controlling, isolating, and verbal abuse are all hallmarks of domestic abusers. So even if Ana and Christian have "regular” sex, he still qualifies as an abuser.

The sex is a distraction. The real issues are violence and control.“

From the 50 Dollars not 50 Shades Facebook page

See also: Fifty Abusive Moments in Fifty Shades of Grey (link TW for stalking, rape, threat, abuse)

#FiftyDollarsNotFiftyShades

#FiftyShadesOfAbuse

They put you in a guilt trip. Emotional manipulators are experts in the craft of guilt-tripping. They have the ability to make you feel guilty either for not speaking up, for speaking up, for not showing enough emotion, for showing too much emotion, for not giving and/or caring enough, and for giving and/or caring too much. There are no lines that the emotional manipulator will not cross in order to put you in a guilt trip. This person will very rarely exhibit any real needs or desires they have. Instead, emotional manipulation is the game they play in order to get these needs and desires satisfied. Combined with guilt, sympathy is a very powerful tool to manipulate your emotions.
Warning Signs of Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse can look like:

  1. Humiliating or embarrassing you.
  2. Constant put-downs.
  3. Hypercriticism.
  4. Refusing to communicate.
  5. Ignoring or excluding you.
  6. Extramarital affairs.
  7. Provocative behavior with opposite sex.
  8. Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.
  9. Unreasonable jealousy.
  10. Extreme moodiness.
  11. Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.
  12. Saying “I love you but…”
  13. Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”
  14. Domination and control.
  15. Withdrawal of affection.
  16. Guilt trips.
  17. Making everything your fault.
  18. Isolating you from friends and family.
  19. Using money to control.
  20. Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her.
  21. Threatening to commit suicide if you leave.

If you have read this list and notice that you can answer “yes” to at least a couple, it is time to get out. People who are psychologically abusive rarely change without help. They can manipulate you into believing that you deserve this horrible treatment, and also manipulate you into thinking nobody else will ever want you. They will shred your self-esteem until you actually believe nobody else would want you. You deserve better.