try-not-to-think-dirty-thoughts-try-not-to-think

I forgot how awful it is to grocery shop during the day on Sunday’s here

omg. I did a good job with staying calm in the end, but at first it was making me so anxious. It’s mostly old people/middle aged people and I find they’re just SO mean. It’s extremely crowded and I try so hard to stay out of people’s way, but they’re constantly giving me dirty looks and looking at me like I’m a disgusting piece of shit and don’t deserve to be there. And I thought that back in September when I first moved here too. I was trying to get by this man so I said “excuse me, sorry” and I think he thought I said “excuse me sir” because I THINK he said “I’m not old enough to be called sir” and I was like wtf??? Idk he said something rudely. I just kept walking. It gets like so obscenely busy though omg. Like I come from a city much bigger than here, and it’s never like this unless it’s Christmas or something, and people aren’t that mean either. I don’t get it at all. But whatever, I’m only gonna have to grocery shop like 4 or 5 more times while I’m here, and I won’t make the dumb decision of going in the day, I’ll go at night like usual. Because I usually enjoy grocery shopping. The only reason I went in the day is because I wanted to go for a walk so I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone lol.

08-08-14

Good evening, Shina-Mae. I am so terribly sorry about what happened today… I know that it offends you and I shouldn’t take it so personally when you get offended because I called you gay. I knew better and I know it’s a sensitive subject for you. I understand that you’re sensitive about the subject but I don’t understand why. I’ve been thinking about it tonight, actually, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and I’ve been trying to understand. The first thing I can think of is that maybe it’s all about how you grew up in a Christian environment and to be gay is dirty and a sin, and just a really horrible thing. But I don’t think that it, simply because you’re so okay with me being gay and because you would 100% accept your own brother if he were gay. Another (stupid) Factor that I thought about was maybe you’re still trying to discover yourself and maybe sometimes you think “hey I might be gay” and you think about how it wouldn’t be such a bad idea, until someone like me comes along and ruins that small possibility of acceptance, simply by me mocking you and calling you a lesbian. This also made me think (and right now I’m going out of my comfort zone and letting you into my stupid mind that overthinks stupid little situations.) that maybe this I why you don’t talk to me much anymore; because I’m preventing you from going your own way and/or discovering who YOU are. I look back at how I used to treat you when we were best friends and I can see just how much you meant to me. Shina, I don’t really know how to feel about this but I’ve jut realised that I so stupidly, unknowingly fell in love with you back then and I now know why I get so hurt when you don’t talk to me; because I’m literally heartbroken.  It all matches up… like I would be annoying and annoy you just to get your attention; I would always have my eyes on you. Making sure that you were okay, I would be so excited to see you, and how we would call every night… I kind of miss that, but I’m glad that we don’t still do that, because I guess I’d still be in love with you. And this brings me to my third possibility; the possibility that I believe deep down that I had always wanted and was never going to happen; the one where you had developed feelings for me. It makes sense, I mean, I have been in that situation before, only I thought I liked a boy but I know I’m gay so I just let it be and I stopped talking to him and I distanced myself away from him. I hate that ii over think so much and I know that this is going to creep you out and right now I’m actually considering getting rid of this and making sure you never see it. It’s a lot to take in and this is such a big paragraph and I apologise. I just really needed to get this out because I’ve been thinking about it for so long. Have a good night and weekend Shina, let me know if you want me to stay away from you or anything.

I feel like I can’t contain myself. Night after night I dream of someone new who did something dirty to me. That their kisses were so real it made my vagina tingle. Hmm I’m laughing now trying to describe the feeling. Its like when you wake up and think what if I were to express those thoughts in reality? I would get myself into a lot if trouble, but I cant help and think. Is this a sign that I need to try and explore. Fulfill those fantasy that come upon and occupy my brain I can’t help, but keep thinking please touch me for real. when I see you tease me, make me want you the way I craved you in my distant thought. Make me wet, make me cum how you did in fantasy… My neck became your kryptonite your fingers became the pen that drew every inch of my body to your hearts besire. Please when I see you all of yous do to me what you did in my mind. I desire it.

I think Andrew is being made out to be too shady like when he was missing for the night and then when he had bloody knuckles but lol heres the thing pll is shit at trying to turn tables.

So heres the thing we are trying to be distracted we been givien clues that it may be a guy.

But i dont think its Andrew and i think if anything A has something over Andrew and that maybe thats why hes doing As dirty work.