I guess I deserve every time karma spits on me, but that’s only when I believe in it.
And sometimes I find that I can only believe in something if I’m the one that’s seeing it.
But maybe I do deserve the suffering that I’m constantly going through,
And people tell me things get better, but I’m not sure they’re going to.
I think I’m a diamond in my rough but I’ve been shattered into shards,
And I cut into those who touch me every time they push too hard.
—  Kayla Kathawa - (i’m sorry)

Today on Instagram, I did one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I came out to the people that I see everyday at school and will see everyday for the next two years. I was so sick and tired of hiding who I was and scared of the approval of others because that’s exactly what I don’t believe in. I was ready to be myself again and today I got that back. ❤️

If trust is a gift,
I hope you’ve got the receipt.
In fact -
I hope it’s a puzzle
with three of the pieces missing.
I hope it’s a pair of stillettos
with no grip
that you wear every morning it’s icy out.
I hope it’s the food you hate;
the song that makes you mad;
and a photo just before you sneeze.
If trust is a gift
I hope it’s all of your hopes and dreams
made entirely of sand;
so you can watch as they cascade
to the floor
through your fingers.
I hope it’s the book that could save your life;
with all of the pages stuck together.
I hope it’s ten pounds short for the rent,
and torrential rain every year
on your birthday.
I hope it’s your car breaking down half-way down the M40
during rush hour
and you don’t have time
to pull onto the hard shoulder.
If trust is a gift
I hope it’s second-hand and it smells funny.
I hope it’s almost what you wanted
but not what you needed.
If trust is a gift
I hope it brings you back to my front door
so you can knock until your knuckles bleed
and your wrists are weak.
If trust is a gift I hope you can’t take it out of the box
without a gut-renching guilt.
If trust is a gift I hope it’s got a gift tag
saying, ‘THIS ONE’S FROM ME’.
—  Julia Payne, This One’s From Me
Trust.

Trust is something to be earned, but never given. With me, trust is something very easy to lose. Say the wrong thing at the wrong time, poof trust is gone. Say one thing and do another, poof trust is gone. Be two faced, poof. Trust is gone. And if you’re lucky I might forgive in a few days. But I will never forget the pain you’ve put me through.