So I had way too many emotions from this so I decided to write about it… im sorry in advance. Story based on this picture.
August 31st, 2013.
I let out a loud sigh as I walk into my dark room, flipping on light switch for my fairy lights and plopping down on my bed, exhausted from a long day of running around Perth working on things. I open up my Macbook, sitting criss-crossed in my slightly less dark room, looking at the time. You and I had planned to skype today around right now. I quickly log into my private skype account to see if you were online yet, you weren’t, frowning I quickly shot you a quick message about calling me when you got online. You know me, I made my way to Twitter and Tumblr to pass time, as I open up Twitter, I am flooded with confusion by the hecticness of everything, I begin to read a few more tweets, confusing me even more. They’re mostly along the lines of “I can’t believe this” or “I’m sobbing, I can’t do this” or “I can’t believe he’s gone.” Finally I reach, not completely non-sense tweet from a mutual of you and I’s. As I read it I feel myself go numb, and my heart stops but also pounds against my rib cage. “RIP Tyler, I’ve done nothing but cry all day, but it’s was amazing knowing you for the short time you were alive. I love you forever and always.” No. The word repeats in my head and I’m shaking, this wasn’t happening, no, this was just one of those stupid things that people make up to scare people. Yeah, I was sure that you were going to tweet soon about how weird this was and probably make a joke in it and everything was going to be fine. But you never did. Nothing ever came. I quickly pick up my phone and pull up your contact calling you but it just kept ringing until I reached your voice mail, I repeat this 3 or 4 times until I’m in tears and decide to try text you. “Why are people saying your dead?” I send the text but keep sending more. “You’re not dead.” I sit back for a bit, still shaking before tears consume and I type another text, shaking now not from being scared but from the sobs that were erupting from my body. “Please don’t be dead.” “Tyler.” Soon someone bursts into my room, more and more people come in, I know they’re my family, they’re all talking, I think Sage and my mom were crying, I’m not sure, everything felt like it was in slow motion, everything was black around the edges, and I saw multiple arms wrapped around me but I didn’t feel them. I shake and sob for the rest of the night, I suppose my family had heard, they keep saying things about how everything was going to be okay, how you loved me, how we would always be best friends, and that you were watching over me now. Honestly, how could I believe any of that bullshit, Ty? How could I believe that you weren’t on this Earth watching me anymore, but up or down or where ever the hell you were watching over me, where I couldn’t see you. How was I supposed to be best friends with a fucking dead body buried in the grown or burnt into a crisp? HOW WAS EVERYTHING GOING TO BE OKAY WHEN MY BEST FRIEND AND LOVE OF MY LIFE WAS DEAD, TYLER!?
September 1st, 2013
It’s the day after… I’m not even going to say it. Everyone’s sad Ty. Everyone’s been texting me. I haven’t replied to any of them, it didn’t matter, they’d never be as good of a friend to me as you. Why’d you leave me, Tilly? I swear if this was just some prank I’m never being your friend every again. I texted you earlier today about that actually, just so you know. I also texted you I loved you, but of course me being me I made a typo, smooth right? I also said I missed you. I really do. I really fucking do, Ty. You dumbass.
I texted you some more. I hope you can get texts where ever you are, I feel bad for you if you can’t. I like texting you though, it’s like I’m going to get a cheeky reply or hey right after, but of course. None of that ever comes and I’m left with a chat full of green bubbles. I just wanna hear your voice Tyler. I’ll never hear your voice again. I’m crying again, I can’t see what I’m typing so I’ll write you later. I love you.
September 2nd, 2013.
Good morning. I wish I was waking up to the sound of a skype call or you breathing on my neck. Can you come back yet?
OMG TILLY! You were on the news! How exciting is that! I just wish you were on there for a different reason… they said how amazing you are and that everyone misses you. It’s true you know. I miss you more though…
Ya know, Halloween is next month, when you come back you should dress up as a ghost. Hahaha, wow I’m so funny. I wish I could hear your laugh. Or see you roll your eyes like you always do when I tell those kind of jokes.
Goodnight, Tilly. Do you sleep where you are? I hope you sleep peacefully. I haven’t been since you left. Just nightmares of you. I miss you. Come back please.
September 3rd, 2013.
TYLER YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE COME BACK! COME BACK RIGHT NOW! YOU NEED TO SAY GOOD BYE TO ME! HOW UNFAIR IS THAT? YOU GET TO JUST LEAVE MY LIFE WITHOUT EVEN SAYING GOODBYE? YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND YOU DUMBASS! NOW YOURE DEAD! STOP PLAYING THIS STUPID GAME, COME BACK COME BACK! ITS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE YOU SHIT! I HATE YOU!
I love you.
You are never coming back are you? This is permanent isn’t it? You’re actually dead. I regret not telling you I loved you when you could actually hear it.
September 6th, 2013.
I’m in LA right now, it’s weird being here without you. Today was your funeral. You know that scene in TFIOS. I finally understand it. It was an open casket, I know you always hated those, but it was nice. I’m glad it was. I’m glad I got to see you one more time. I still find it funny that you hair was still so bright and lilac. It looked brighter against you pale skin. I touched it. I had to. You were do cold, Ty. You’ll never be warm again. I’ll never be able to feel your warm hugs, or kiss those pink lips. They’re not so pink anymore. They’re kinda gray, (grey is kinda of a bad lip color on you, don’t buy that lipstick). They dressed you in a suit, how odd is that? Someone undressed and dressed you dead body. Although, you still look good, even in a wooden box. Everyone was there though, Zoe, Mamrie, Grace, Hannah, Alfie, Caspar, Marcus, all the youtubers, your whole family. How weird is it that I finally got to meet you family at your funeral. Jackie hugged me a lot, I cried a lot. She told me about how much you loved me, I wish you had told me. We all miss you so fucking much Tyler. I feel dead. Too soon? Sorry.
Okay so I couldn’t decide on an ending so there are two, feel free to read both of them but one is sad and one is more happy than the first.
October 1st, 2013.
It’s officially been a month that you’ve been gone Tyler. I have nightmares a lot. Tyde always runs into my room because I’m screaming in my sleep. They’re nightmares involving you. Sage thinks I’m going crazy because I talk to you a lot, text you and pretend you’re listening. I think I’m going crazy too, Ty. I feel literally dead. Empty. I think when you died, you took a piece- no, way more than a piece- my whole soul with you, my heart, everything I had, was buried 6 feet below the ground along with your body. In result of your death, I’ve realized just how alone I am. Kayla hasn’t talked to me in weeks, it’s probably because when we did talk all I would talk about was you and would end up crying. No one else talks to me either. I’ve stopped making YouTube videos. I know that’s not fair to everyone else, but I can’t do it anymore. I have no motivation. Nothing seems to matter anymore without you. That’s why I have 30 pills sitting in my stomach at the moment. I know that you would be yelling at me right now, and telling me how stupid I am. I hope you aren’t watching over me right now, I hope you can’t see me as my body turns off, I hope you aren’t mad at me. I just can’t do this anymore, Ty. I can’t live. I can’t. I’m so sorry. So, as for my family and whoever is left of my friends, and for my fans. I’m leaving these letters, and hopefully you understand. I hope you all understand I can’t go on anymore. I mean I’m already as dead as I could get, now I’m just finishing it off. I love you all so much. Thank you. I hope I see you all soon. As for you Tyler, hopefully we’ll see each other where ever you are. Maybe it’ll just be darkness. Maybe it’ll be nothing and I’m just dead and you’re just dead. But just like always, we do everything together.
7 years later
It’s your birthday today, I haven’t written to you in a while, but I miss you so much. More than you can even imagine. I miss you when I look at the stars and think you should be seeing them too, but no. Maybe you are the stars, maybe you’re staring back at me. If you are you obviously know I’m getting married next month. I’m really happy, Ty. I wish you could be there. His name is Jake. Jake Sen. My name will soon be Troye Sivan Mellet-Sen. I like it. It isn’t too long or sounds weird. I love you.
8 1/2 years later
I wish you could be Ellie, Tyler, she’s gorgeous. You would love her, you always loved kids. I tell her about you some times, we calls you Uncle Tilly if you wondering. She sometimes likes to pretend she’s playing with you. I think its cute. She kind of looks like you, which I know is odd to say and completely stupid, but she has your eyes and your laugh. She loves you. I love you, still.
50 years later
I’m sick, Ty. I think I’ll be seeing you again soon. Ellie had twins a few months ago, and guess what she named them. Tyler and Jenny. Tyler, after you. I can feel you, Tyler. It’s like the closer I get to this whole death thing, the more you’re with me. It’s like you’re sitting in the hospital chair next to Jake and Ellie, waiting. I think we’ve all excepted the fact that the cancer in my brain in slowly choking me of life. If I’m lucky I’ll live through the next 3 days. But, I’ll see you soon, Tilly. Much love, as always.
IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY THATS IT THOUGH I HOPE YOU LIKED IT AND I HOPE YOURE NOT CRYING LIKE I AM! REBLOG AND LIKE PLLLLEASSEE. ILY