troll-riddles

My Dumb Reviewer for the Week! Venus914 on FF.net.

So I got 2 reviews for my fic, Androgynous Lover, an HP/TMR fic.

Review 1:

“I am disgusted by Hermione’s behavior. What she did was stealing and taking the easy way out. Did she ask for permission to use the Stone? And she has the nerve the exchange it for Galleons while the owner is there!” 

Review 2:

“No including Ginny in their group, please. It’s bad enough that Granger is there already. But i hate all Weasleys.”

I RESPONDED WITH A PM.

Here it is.

Watermelonsmellinfellon in Response to idiot^:

Your attitude is fucking pissing me off.

HERMIONE IS A GOOD CHARACTER IN THIS FIC. ALL THE SHIT SHE DID IN CANON, DOES NOT APPLY HERE. PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, PLEASE.

You missed the part where Harry and she were turning all the metal they could get their hands on, into gold. You also missed the part where Harry explained that he told her to take it all because he had enough vaults and that money didn’t interest him. Seriously, if you are that fucking immature over a character, you can stop reading. He wanted to help her and he did. Because that is who Harry is. You have an issue with Harry not being nice or something?

“Hermione explained a brief part of their year and asked if she could visit Diagon Alley the next day with Harry. She then told them about all the pure gold they had acquired and how Harry insisted that she keep it and trade it in with the Goblins. Since Goblins loved precious metals, especially if pure, she’d get a lot of funds for either books or school tuition. Hogwarts did not come cheap after all.

Dr. Granger asked why he’d be so willing to part with so much and he shrugged. "I have several vaults of my own. I don’t need more money.”

And so her parents agreed.“<- From chapter 9! You missed that apparently.

As for Ginevra, I’m not a fan of her, but if I want her to be in my fic, I will damn well put her there.

You seem to miss all the vital information because your eyesight is muddled by all the shit in your ass, where your head is lodged. Hermione asked to be with Harry and he took her under his wing. And Loki(Tom) encouraged him to make friends with her because she was an invaluable ally and was extremely intelligent.

She and Harry single-handedly won Slytheirn the House Cup. Both are top students of their year. Harry is training her to reach the level Tom has him trained at. She and Harry have protected Neville and now Luna will be added to their group of friends. Seriously, what about my Hermione, is like the goody two shoes twit who believed that teachers could do no wrong and threatened to nark every time Harry and Ron broke the rules? Nothing. She is different. Simple.

If you can’t handle it, simply because you don’t like her canon character, I don’t want you reading my fic. You’re annoying. Un-favorite and un-follow it, because I will block your negative ass if I hear more shit coming from your mouth.”

So as you all see, I get stuck with the idiots.

The Bridge Troll

Day 36 of #100DaysOfWriting


EXT. SHAKESPEARE BRIDGE - DAY

Three children, FREDDY, LOUIE, & SARAH, are riding their bikes along Franklin Ave.

FREDDY:  I can’t wait to show you guys Mortal Kombat X.  It’s flippin awesome!

LOUIE:  I can’t wait to beat Sarah as Scorpion!

SARAH:  You wish!  I’m unstoppable as Sub-Zero!

Just as the trio are about to cross the Shakespeare Bridge, a hideous, TROLL climbs out from under the bridge and stops them in their tracks.

TROLL (official):  Children of Man, you shan’t traverse this bridge lest ye answer these riddles three!

FREDDY:  What?

TROLL:  You can’t cross the bridge until you answer my riddles.

LOUIE:  Well why didn’t you just say that?

TROLL (aping):  Well why didn’t you just say that?

SARAH:  What’s your deal?

TROLL:  My deal is you can’t cross my bridge!

FREDDY:  C’mon man, we wanna go play video games.

TROLL:  Oh really?  Video games?  Well why didn’t you say so?  Please, your highness, proceed.

The Troll steps out of the way and does a bowing gesture.  The kids look at each other and then start biking.  The Troll jumps back in their way.

SARAH:  F*CK!  What do you want?!

TROLL:  I told you, you have to answer my riddles!

LOUIE:  But you’ve already asked us like four!

TROLL:  Those were questions, not riddles!

FREDDY:  What’s the difference?

TROLL (dumbfounded):  Uhm…uh…

SARAH:  You don’t even know, dumby!

TROLL:  Hey!  I know!  The difference is those were questions and these are riddles.  Are you ready?

LOUIE:  Yeah, sure.

TROLL:  Riddle the first!  Why won’t anyone be my friend?

SARAH:  That’s just a question.  That’s not a riddle.

TROLL:  It doesn’t matter what the f*ck it is!  Just give me the godamn answer!

FREDDY:  Holy crap dude!  I feel like you just answered your own “riddle”.

LOUIE:  Yeah man, you’re kind of an asshole.

SARAH:  Try being nice.  Maybe you won’t scare people off.

TROLL:  Well maybe I’m only mean because I’ve been hurt in the past and now I’ve put up a wall of insults and abrasiveness to protect myself.

LOUIE:  Be that as it may, it’s up to you to fix that.  People aren’t going to lower your wall for you if they can’t stand to be around you.

The Troll ponders this response for a moment.

TROLL:  Fair enough.  You have correctly answered the first riddle.  Riddle the second!  This is actually a two-part riddle:  What video games are you guys going to play?  And can I join?

The kids look nervously at each other.

FREDDY:  Well, actually Troll, I uh… I only have three controllers.

TROLL:  Really?  Three?  That’s such a conveniently odd number.

LOUIE (reaching):  Uh…It’s because he left one at my house!

FREDDY:  Yeah, totally.  I let him borrow one.

SARAH:  Yup, that explains it!

TROLL:  Well, no biggie.  I mean, we could just let the girl watch.

FREDDY/LOUIE/SARAH:  Whoa!  Really?  C’mon man!  Seriously?  It’s 2015!  #YesAllWomen.

TROLL:  What?  What did I do?

SARAH:  Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I don’t like to play video games.

TROLL:  Oh come on, that’s EXACTLY what it means.

FREDDY:  Listen, Troll, you can’t come play with us because my mom said I shouldn’t be talking to strangers who have an outdated world view on gender roles in society.

TROLL:  Fine!  Be that way!  But you still must answer the final and most difficult riddle!

SARAH:  Ok, whatever. Just ask us so we can leave already.

TROLL:  I offend without words.  I deafen without sound.  I’m fatal without killing.  I affect all those around.  What am I?

The children are staggered.

LOUIE:  Damn!  This is a real riddle!

TROLL:  Uh, yeah!

FREDDY:  Ok, well let’s think.  If it offends without words and deafens without sound, that must mean…

SARAH:  It’s quiet?

LOUIE:  Well not just quiet.  It would have to be silent.

FREDDY:  And if it’s fatal without killing…

SARAH:  Lethal?  Deadly?

LOUIE:  Deadly and silent and affects all those around…?

The children all suddenly get a whiff of something grotesquely noxious.

SARAH:  Oh my god!  What is that smell?!

LOUIE:  It smells like racism!

FREDDY:  It smells like someone f*cked a rotting corpse with a turd!

They look at the Troll and he just smiles at them.  He’s let out the foulest, silent fart.

SARAH/FREDDY/LOUIE:  UGH!  GROSS!

They all hop on their bikes and ride past the Troll as he doubles over in laughter.

TROLL (laughing):  Have fun playing your video games!


FADE OUT

Our copyright and patent laws are far overdue for a major overhaul, but it will never happen until we get money out of politics. (Thanks to lobbyists like Chris Dodd.) John Oliver with an example of just how screwy our system is:

While patents are an essential protection against theft for inventors, there are those who abuse the system — the so-called patent trolls who stockpile patents and threaten possible infringers with frivolous lawsuits. Oliver thinks calling them “patent trolls” is insulting to trolls. “At least trolls actually do something,” he quips, “they control bridge access for goats and ask people fun riddles.”

Patent trolls force businesses to shell out tons of money, which can impede innovation, particularly in the software industry. Large companies, too, can hinder the success of small businesses by charging them huge sums to license patents that cover very simple ideas.

“This system is insane,” ranted Oliver. As usual, he reserves some ire for lawyers, noting that letting trial lawyers make decisions about “more baseless lawsuits” was the equivalent of “letting raccoons make laws about trash can placement.”

Watch John Oliver make fun of patent trolls on 'Last Week Tonight'

John Oliver is not a fan of patent trolls.

In the latest episode of “Last Week Tonight,” Oliver skewers patent trolls, or companies that make most of their money not from producing goods or providing services, but by amassing the rights to numerous patents and suing as many people as possible.

Oliver takes careful aim at these companies, pointing out how they don’t even deserve the name “troll,” as it’s insulting to the fictional trolls in literature and movies who actually do something.

“Most of these companies don’t produce anything, they just shake down anyone who does, so calling them trolls is a little misleading — at least trolls actually do something, they control bridge access for goats and ask fun riddles. Patent trolls just threaten to sue the living s— out of people, and believe me, those lawsuits add up.”

You can watch Oliver’s full 11-minute takedown of patent trolls in the video below (via The Next Web).

SEE ALSO: How to download a copy of your Google search history

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: HBO’s ‘Game of Thrones’ got the Iron Throne all wrong








anonymous asked:

Did you wear a goblin costume to prom

ye i was river troll. solve dis riddle to pass my bridge: who do u think u are i am

John Oliver explains why patent trolls are the worst with help from ‘America’s Top Model’

John Oliver’s got a knack for making complex issues understandable. Last time we checked in with him, he was quizzing Edward Snowden on which NSA programs can legally look at his dick pics.

This time, he’s on the case of patent trolls, with the help of a delicious ‘America’s Top Model’ analogy:

Here’s a key quote to illustrate why that clip’s worth 11 minutes of your time:

Most of these companies don’t produce anything, they just shake down anyone who does, so calling them trolls is misleading. At least trolls actually do something – they control bridge access for goats and ask people fun riddles…

Patent trolls are fat, feckless leeches on innovation, that’s why reform of the system in the US and internationally is so necessary. You should be rewarded for coming up with great ideas and applying them, not hoarding obvious concept and exploiting them.

➤ Last Week Tonight with John Oliver [HBO]

Feature image credit: HBO

Read next: John Oliver Interviews Snowden On Government Spying




http://cdn1.tnwcdn.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/1/files/2015/04/89ee5edf-b9a2-476e-9d1e-a23ab5376d9e.gif from The Next Web http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheNextWeb/~3/gpFlcoorDkc/
John Oliver explains why patent trolls are the worst with help from ‘America’s Top Model’


John Oliver’s got a knack for making complex issues understandable. Last time we checked in with him, he was quizzing Edward Snowden on which NSA programs can legally look at his dick pics.

This time, he’s on the case of patent trolls, with the help of a delicious ‘America’s Top Model’ analogy:

Here’s a key quote to illustrate why that clip’s worth 11 minutes of your time:

Most of these companies don’t produce anything, they just shake down anyone who does, so calling them trolls is misleading. At least trolls actually do something – they control bridge access for goats and ask people fun riddles…

Patent trolls are fat, feckless leeches on innovation, that’s why reform of the system in the US and internationally is so necessary. You should be rewarded for coming up with great ideas and applying them, not hoarding obvious concept and exploiting them.

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver [HBO]

Feature image credit: HBO

Read next: John Oliver Interviews Snowden On Government Spying



from The Next Web http://ift.tt/1OxhBWn
via IFTTT
John Oliver explains why patent trolls are the worst with help from ‘America’s Top Model’


John Oliver’s got a knack for making complex issues understandable. Last time we checked in with him, he was quizzing Edward Snowden on which NSA programs can legally look at his dick pics.

This time, he’s on the case of patent trolls, with the help of a delicious ‘America’s Top Model’ analogy:

Here’s a key quote to illustrate why that clip’s worth 11 minutes of your time:

Most of these companies don’t produce anything, they just shake down anyone who does, so calling them trolls is misleading. At least trolls actually do something – they control bridge access for goats and ask people fun riddles…

Patent trolls are fat, feckless leeches on innovation, that’s why reform of the system in the US and internationally is so necessary. You should be rewarded for coming up with great ideas and applying them, not hoarding obvious concept and exploiting them.

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver [HBO]

Feature image credit: HBO

Read next: John Oliver Interviews Snowden On Government Spying



Gadget Reviews: mamaktalk.com
Car Reviews: automoview.com
Entertainment News: 38now.com
Today’s Promotions: freepromotoday.com
Daily BOTHH challenge

What were all of the obstacles that one had to get passed in order to get to the Philosopher’s/Sorcerer’s stone in the correct order?

1)  Devil’s Snare, Flying Keys, The Mirror of Erised

2)  Fluffy, Devil’s Snare, Flying Keys, a Troll, Giant Wizard’s Chess, a Riddle, The Mirror of Erised

3)  Fluffy, Flying Keys, Giant Wizard’s Chess, a Riddle, The Mirror of Erised

4)  Fluffy, Devil’s Snare, Flying Keys, Giant Wizard’s Chess, Troll, a Riddle, The Mirror of Erised