You know anon, you are not alone. I know lots of guys like you who secretly adore plus size women but because of society, ignorance, peers, or whatever idiotic reason they choose to keep this preference a dirty little secret. So this does not surprise me, but it does make me sad because I remember when I would allow guys like you in my life on their terms, like only being able to see them at night, not wanting to go out with me, only wanting to be sexual. Those are the things that made me doubt my self worth, but one day I decided no more and started loving myself enough to accept things on my terms and not be ashamed of my body or who I am because I know I am beautiful and have many things to offer the world. I said all that to say if you are attracted to someone regardless of what others will think, go for it because you never know what kind of qualities they will add to your life. And yes you do need to “man up” because only a boy keeps his true feelings a secret because of what others will think, and there is no such thing as a “big girl closet” we are still women, we can still bare children, we still are delicate and dainty, but also active and athletic and outgoing. We are not in a closet so if you are, you're definitely in there by your damn self. Oh and by the way I personally know Pink Kandi who is a beautiful person inside and out, but I guess non of that matters since shes fat.