asshole!Cas feat. Sam Winchester

[Edit: To my horror, I’ve discovered some people have no idea what song this is in reference to. Way to make me feel like the Cryptkeeper. Listen and learn.]

“He use my powers, when I’m in need
Yeah he’s a trifling friend indeed
Oh he’s a Winchester way over town
That prays to me.

(He give me mean looks) Now I ain’t saying he a Winchester
(When I’m in need) But he ain’t messing with no broke bro        
(He give me mean looks) Now I ain’t saying he a Winchester    
(When I’m in need) But he ain’t messing with no broke bro        

(On yo’ knees~!) Get down boy go ‘head get down 
(On yo’ knees~!) Get down boy go ‘head get down
(On yo’ knees~!) Get down boy go ‘head get down
(On yo’ knees~!) Get down boy go ‘head get down

[Verse 1:]
Cutie the bomb
Met him ‘bout nine circles down
Had to raise him from perdition
Grabbed him by his underarm.
He said, 'What the hell are you?
Can’t cause you no harm.
Far as style you got none,
And what’d you do to my arm?’
Said ‘I was looking for the one —
have you seen him?
Our gospel told us he have a bod we be needin,
leadin.’ He had attitude, one kid.                      
And I had to drag both their baggage to my biz?
OK, got his bro. But then he brought his friends
I step up for this war, and they all start buttin’ in.
We all went to Heaven and then I had to pay
If you fucking with this hunter then you better be paid.
You know why? It take too much to save him.
From what I see he is a magnet for mayhem.
Profound bond sounds all tight in the script
But you be wishing you had money when they kick you outta their crib.


[Verse 2:]
Seven years, seven years
I make one small mistake, got shamed for seven years
Don’t you think I’ve been doing plenty to pay for all of my sins?
Their codependency drama caused way more hell than I did.
You can see me on a hunt any time that they call
Help solving all the cases, though I take the fall
I was supposed to guard heaven with all of this grace
'Stead had to listen to their whining with a straight face.
They walking around, bringing Crowley over their place
Should’ve smited that fucker, I’m four seasons too late.
If you ain’t no puck, holla we want KETCHUP
Burgers’r something that I need to have
'Cause when he’s done with me, I don’t even get some ass
Seven years, seven years
And then he have the balls to say, “I prayed to you Cas?”


[Verse 3:]
Now I ain’t saying you a Winchester you got needs
You don’t care if I go missing, but don’t want me to leave
You go out to hunt, ya can’t win, y'all call me
World ending once again, gotta roll up my sleeves.
But while you all judging, watch me
I gone make it into my own, out of that backseat
I got that ambition, baby, look in my eyes
But then his turning black, next week he’s a Knight.
So, just fuck my life
I know this dude’s righteous and yeah that’s nice
And I’m gon’ keep fightin’ and tryin’, but I got my pride

So next time he run off will take that moose for a ride.

Get down boy go ‘head get down 
Get down boy go ‘head get down
Get down boy go ‘head get down
Get down boy go ‘head

Lemme hear that back.”

Castiel dropped the mic, literally. It rebounded off the floor with a thud that had everyone in the bar clapping their hands to their ears, save Dean. Dean merely fingered the side of his beer, his face beyond emotion at this point. Wide-eyed and pale, Sam carefully set his microphone down and stiffly made his way back to the table.

“Still glad you volunteered to sing backup?” Dean asked dryly.

“That’s not exactly how I remember the song ending,” Sam mumbled.

- the adventures of asshole!Cas

I RIHmember when I first read that tweet of Louis pinto bean head ass bitch, when he was mad because people were spreading those gay rumors about him and Harry. At first I was like “okay, ms thing, it’s normal to be mad when people accuse you of something you’re not”. But then I got to thinking and I was like “hold the fuck up, wait a minute, bitch.” I don’t know why, that shit didn’t sit well with me at all. It felt like so much more than what it was. Well, now I know it was my psychic abilities that were telling me what a trifling ass mothafucka he was. God warned me a long time ago.

Oh, Jeeves,’ I said; ‘about that check suit.’
Yes, sir?’
Is it really a frost?’
A trifle too bizarre, sir, in my opinion.’
But lots of fellows have asked me who my tailor is.’
Doubtless in order to avoid him, sir.’
He’s supposed to be one of the best men in London.’
I am saying nothing against his moral character, sir.
—  P. G. Wodehouse

stumbledoutofacave replied to your post:

I remember about Stalin referring to it as a ‘benefit’ of being a soldier but it was in the middle of a 20-hour audiobook, I’ll def go back some time and make sure I remember it right

When Milovan Djilas, a Yugoslavian politician, complained about rapes committed by Soviet soldiers in Yugoslavia, Stalin said “Can’t he understand it if a soldier who has crossed thousands of kilometers through blood and fire and death has fun with a wench or takes some trifle?”