Well I’ve got to say the last fewest ha have been strange, to start off with in January 1st my New Years resolution was not to pull my hair anymore ( like I had been for the past 7 years) but the really bizarre thing is this year it worked since that day I haven’t touched hair or eyelashes, and I can’t explain why.
I’m not knocking it but I would love to understand what is so different this time around that meant I could just stop, I know I’m a lot more mature and comfortable with who I am now and I’ve also come to terms with having this disorder/illness (what ever you want to call it) but I’m just curious because I’d love to be able to help others and explain how I’m doing it but I just don’t know and it kind of aggravates me that ttm caused me to pull my hair out for no reason and now it just stops and I don’t know why it just always seems to leave me so confused.
But in a positive note doing well with my trich is about the only good thing at the moment my social life is falli g apart my head is full of crap I want to scream at someone and my family is falling apart and I can’t stand living with my parents anymore,
To make things worse i found an old diary from when I was around 13/14 and I cried reading it as I was so alone an lost back then I didn’t know what was going on my mum used to say it was me asking for attention and I used to get told crying about it won’t make it go away, and call me bitter but I don’t think I can forgive them for how they treated me they always made it out as this was a problem I chose and that I made worse by my self, they always made me feel like I deserved it then wondered why I never told them anything.
I just don’t understand how my mum says she cares but to this day she hasn’t once asks me how I feel or how am I doing she refuses to admit I have/had depression she Won’t talk about my ttm to me and when she talks about it to other people she claims to know everything about it and she pretends she knows how I think and feel and it makes me so made because she know the least about it, my friends know more than she does.
To top it all of my dad keeps making comment on my weight and how badly I’m eating or not eating like he got pissed because I didn’t eat yesterday because the day before he called me a pig for eating chocolate, an now I ant look in a mirror without be angry/disgusted my the reflection
Anyways I lost my way with that rant anyways I need to sleep before I over think and do something stupid.
Sorry for any spelling mistakes its late, I’m tired and stressed so I can’t be bothered to re-read this to correct any mistakes.