anonymous asked:

Is there a word for only being attracted to a certain genitalia? Like someone who's only attracted to vaginas so only dates people who have vaginas. Because I find that the discrepancy between gender and genitalia make it extremely difficult to define ones sexuality.

How can you tell what kind of genitalia someone has just by looking at them though? Like do you have magic x-ray goggles you can put on while looking for a potential partner so you can go “oh! this one’s got a vagina, commence attraction!”  Or do you have fancy vagina sensing technology? Is it like a metal detector that you hold up to people’s pants? No. You don’t. Stop pretending like what you are trying to say isn’t extremely transmisogynistic// transphobic. 

You have no idea what someone has between their legs just by looking at them or talking with them, and they are under no obligation to disclose that to you until you until they’re ready or until you decide to have sex, if you do. Because besides figuring out logistics for the whole sex having thing, it should have no effect on your feelings for the person?? Are you honestly going to fall out of love with someone or stop being attracted to them because they have a penis? Probably not!!! Unless you are a shit lord who only cares about what a person has going on in their pants. Oh wait.

Asking someone about their genitalia on a first date isn’t exactly a jazzy pick up line, by the way. Not to mention its rude, completely inappropriate and unnecessarily invasive. If you’re attracted to someone are you rly not going to try having a sexual// emotional relationship with them just because their genitalia isn’t what you had in mind when you saw them? (Which is also p shitty bc you’re gendering// assigning genitalia to people based on appearance so). 

I mean if you’ve been traumatized or are triggered by penises yeah that is a thing and valid and okay and you by no means have to have sex with someone with a penis, that is a-okay. But no you cannot define your sexuality based on genitalia. If all that matters to you when looking for a relationship is what is in someone’s pants you should really take a step back and think about why that is and why you care so little about the 10 billion other attractive qualities a person could have.

Can you have a preference? Yeah totally. But is that the only means of attraction that you would define your sexuality by? NOPE.

And I’m not saying you have to have sex with people who have penises because you totally don’t have to. Just don’t try and define your sexuality based on that alone because that’s really shitty and also just not a thing!!!! 

Black trans lives are often left out of the conversation on police violence. In 2008, Duanna Johnson was likely murdered by police officers in Memphis after they beat her during her imprisonment a few months prior. A video of the attack was published online and led to some minor punishments for the officers (such as being assigned to desk work). While some have called for federal investigation, no one has been charged for her murder. Not to mention Johnson was likely being held on false charges in the first place.

It’s important to note that this graphic reads “Black Trans Lives Matter”.  The purpose of this, like the hashtag #blacklivesmatter, is to highlight the way that black trans people in particular are subject to a disproportionate amount of violence. This is an issue of black trans lives, not all trans lives, or all lives.

When trans women are mocked and made into jokes in the media, I get very upset, and I am often told “Kay, you can’t go through life getting offended every time someone makes a joke.” And I sputter and object but they don’t hear me. So I want to be clear for once, about why the jokes make me angry.

I learned to hate myself for being transgender before I knew I was transgender. I laughed at the jokes in stand up comedy routines, and prime time sitcoms, and animated comedy shows, and in the movies, and in books, and in games, laughing at trans women for existing, about “men in dresses”, about people who “got their dicks chopped off”, and I learned to think that was worthy of ridicule.

And then a day came when I felt a pang of envy at what my female classmates were wearing and I repressed it, and felt guilty, and a day where I felt incomplete because I had no breasts and I repressed it and I felt disgusting
And a day when I realized the only images of romance that made me feel anything showed two women together and I repressed it and I felt like a monster
And a day when I realized I felt sick when I looked at myself in the mirror after every shower before work and couldn’t bear to look at my own face, and I hated myself.
And then there came a day when I hated myself so much, and I thought I could never understand why, and so I just wanted it all to end. And it was just a miracle that I swerved my car back into my lane in time.

And all of it started with a joke that I heard on TV, and then kept hearing from all the voices from the ether, over and over and over, worming an idea into my mind before I was old enough to realize I was absorbing it, the idea that a man in a dress is funny, and that changing your body parts makes you a freak, and that women who have penises instead of vaginas are liars and hurt men. And they’re still making these jokes. And somewhere out there right now, just like all those years ago, there is a little girl in a t-shirt and cargo shorts with buzzed off hair watching the TV, hearing that joke and absorbing it without knowing it, who will someday have to pry herself apart to tear it out of her head, just like I did.

That is, if she doesn’t kill herself first.

  • Cis boy:*wears makeup*
  • Tumblr:Yeah you break those gender stereotypes!! Men can wear make up and still be masculine!!!! You're so amazing and inspiring!
  • Trans boy:*wears makeup*
  • Tumblr:Um sorry but you can't be a guy unless you wear basketball shorts every day and play at least 2.5 sports.
  • Cis girl:*wears masculine clothing and no makeup*
  • Tumblr:Girl power!! Feminism!!!! Amazing!! Fight the power!!!
  • Trans girl:*wears masculine clothing and no makeup*
  • Tumblr:I'm sorry but you are not a girl unless your favorite color is pink and you wear a dress at least 5 days a week.

While participating in “no shave November” remember that there’s trans women and non binary folks who literally have to shave regularly, most of the time everyday, or their lives are at risk. So putting down folks for not participating/making it some sort of ~feminist~ must-do is harmful. It’s 100% possible to have autonomy and not be a transmisogynst while doing it.


Hey, guys, quick warning for everyone.

Anyone who’s trans or intersex or genderqueer in any way might want to avoid watching the news or reading the papers today.

If you’ve heard of the swimmer Michael Phelps, his girlfriend has been outed as trans. Well, from what I’ve read, she’s actually intersex and assigned male, but most of the media is getting it wrong. And almost all of the coverage is extremely transphobic and transmisogynistic. I can’t find a link that’s trigger free, but if I do, I’ll edit this post and link it.

So be careful, it’s awful and I want all of you guys to stay safe.

(And awful timing, I know, but it’s also Transgender Day of Remembrance today, so have a good day!)

There’s an interesting phenomenon that I’ve witnessed over the past few years. The names of trans women of color will be in the mouths of the queer community after they’ve been murdered, but support for us while we are still alive is sporadic at best. Trans women are pushed out of queer spaces by cis people, dfab genderqueers, and trans men, just to name a few. Women’s spaces are frequently hostile to us because we aren’t “real women” but trans men almost always get a free pass. And I’ve seen more than one cis queer say that trans women are “appropriating” the gay rights movement, totally ignorant of the fact that we started the damn thing. I have seen more than one cis queer say that we have nothing in common with them, that our issues are completely unrelated. We have a hard time finding dates, finding support, finding community. And when we dare to call people out for their transmisogyny, we are labeled crazy, hysterical, divisive. I have been called Austin “queer scene’s” number one enemy. All for daring to share my thoughts on the world around me.


Trans Day of Remembrance is filled to the brim with the names of murdered Black and brown trans women, but is a single evening of remembering enough? And what does it mean that TDoR doesn’t explicitly talk about race and is often dominated by white people? Here in Austin there’s this tradition of calling the names of the dead and then having an audience member sit in a chair that represents where the dead trans woman would sit. The seats are always filled with white people and non-trans women. What do our deaths mean when we our bodies, our lives, the physical space we take up, is appropriated by white folks? How can I mourn for my sisters when the space set up for that mourning is so thoroughly colonized? And how can I even see hope of living a full life when I don’t see myself reflected in what is supposed to be my community?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to honor those women who came before us, those women murdered by colonial patriarchy. But it seems like more often than not, the queer community at large is content with just remembering. We only hear about trans women after their deaths. And even our deaths are not our own. A week doesn’t go by without a white queer citing the deaths of trans women of color as the evidence of how oppressed they are. These stats are often used in service of their own assimilation; meanwhile, they’re happy to leave us out in the cold. We don’t even have dignity in death, nor the ability to decide what it will mean for us.


Support for trans women dwindles when we are still alive. Nowhere is this clearer than in fundraisers run by and for trans women. There have been some success stories, but they always seem to be few and far between. More often than not, a trans woman’s fundraiser will get a few signal boosts, maybe a couple of dollars and then languish. Meanwhile, trans men’s fundraisers for transition related care often get fully funded. This funding disparity is also clear institutionally, where organizations that focus on the concerns and issues of trans women of color get a miniscule amount of all the money from LGBTQ foundations. This is especially true in the South, where LGBT organizations only get 3-4% of domestic LGBT funding. Again, cis, white, rich institutions are quick to use our murders in their statistics then turn around and spend their money on organizations that look like them: cis, white, and rich. Organizations that push for assimilation.


Obviously financial support isn’t the be all end all action to support trans women of color, but it certainly doesn’t hurt. And the fact that it’s a struggle for trans women to acquire financial assistance is symptomatic of our society’s priorities. It points to who is valuable and who is disposable. At the bottom of this article is a list of fundraisers and organizations for trans women that I would strongly encourage you to support. If you’re not a trans woman and you’re reading this, think long and hard about the ways that you’re supporting trans women in your community. Do you see trans women in public community spaces? How are your actions pushing them out? Don’t think that just giving money nullifies your collusion in transmisogyny. Financial support is important but it is not the only step. As we honor the memory of those girls who have been murdered, ask how you’re helping the living.

Fundraisers to Cover Living Expenses


Backing Biko
Support Cherno Biko in advocating for folks like us!

Love Aaryn
Help Aaryn reach her dreams!

Support CeCe
Support CeCe’s work!

Lift Up Lourdes
Support a trans leader!

Save Fake Cis Girl from Financial Apocalypse
Help a trans woman of color keep her lights on!

Support Monica Roberts
Help Monica stave off homelessness!

Operation Zipzap
Help a trans woman go to electrolysis school!

Support Michelle
Help Michelle get money to go to school!

Miss Major Monthly Giving Circle
Help support a TWOC elder and living legend!

Fundraisers to Cover Transition Related Care


TRANLATIN@ needs HELP for Surgery
Help a Pervuian trans women get access to gender affirming surgery!

Support Vanessa on her medical need
Help Vanessa get chest reconstruction surgery!

Proud Trans Latina seeking help with GRS
Help Naiymah get access to gender affirming surgery!

Sophia’s Breast Fund
Help Sophia access breast augmentation surgery!

Help a Homegirl out!
Help a trans latina get access to transition related care.

Ida’s Surgery Fund
Help writer and activist Ida access surgery!

Fundraisers for Organizations that Serve Trans Women


Support the TWOC Collective
The TWOC Collective in NYC needs your support!

Alexis Documentary
Help a documentary about a trans woman activist get off the ground!

Donate to support TWOC filmmakers!

Trans Tech
Support an organization giving trans women the tools to support themselves!

Help a social network by and for marginalized folks get started!

El/La Para Trans Latinas
Help fund an organization working to advocate for trans latinas!

Trans Latina Coalition
Support an organization doing national movement work!

Support Casa Ruby
Help a community center stay afloat!

If you are aware of any other similar fundraisers, please share them in the comments.

Trans women are women. When referring to a trans woman, more often than not she will go by she/her/hers/herself. Trans women are not “boys who wanna be girls.”

Trans men are men. When referring to a trans man, more often than not he will go by he/him/his/himself. Trans men are not “girls who wanna be boys.”

Please do better and use the pronouns trans people ask of you.

Ever notice that the folks on that respectability politics/tone policing shit always say shit like “acting that way isn’t going to convince anyone to support your cause”.

"Our cause" is asserting that oppressed people deserve the same dignity, safety, and respect that is afforded to those that oppress them.

If you need to be convinced that that needs to be supported: you’re a slimy, disgusting nightmare of a person and you should feel fucking awful.

racist feminists are still feminists

ableist feminists are still feminists

transmisogynistic feminists are still feminists

homophobic feminists are still feminists

you can’t deal with problems in your movement by claiming that they’re not really a part of your movement

this kind of annoying, superior “no true Scotsman” feminism accomplishes nothing


Promise me that I will matter if I don’t shave.
Promise me that I will matter if I don’t wear a dress.
Promise me that I will matter if I don’t wear makeup.
Promise me that I will matter if I am not fabulous.
Promise me that I will matter if I am not visible.
Promise me that I will matter if I am ugly.
Promise me that I will matter if I’m not articulate.
Promise me that I don’t have to have been “born this way” 
Promise me that I don’t have to always have known 
Promise that I don’t have to modify my body to matter.
Promise me that you will not assume what it was like for me to grow up.
Promise me that you will not repost all of the articles about how we shouldn’t assume gender (and then still do it).
Promise me that you won’t call me by my pronouns and then treat me by my body.
Promise me that I don’t have to perform white femininity to matter.
Promise me that I don’t have to perform cis femininity to matter.
Promise me that I don’t have to perform upper class femininity to matter.
Promise me that you see the femme in my hairy body.
Promise that you see the femme in my brown body.
Promise that you see the femme in my messy, uncouth, dirty, scarred body.
Promise that you understand that my gender is not just a hobby or a politic.
Promise me that you understand that I wasn’t just assigned male at birth, I am assigned male every day I walk outside the house.
Promise me this is a form of street harassment.
Promise me this is a form of gender violence.
Promise me that you’ll say something when they call me ‘he.’ 
Promise me that you understand that I am hurt.
Promise me that you understand that I am scared.
Promise me that you understand that sometimes I prioritize my safety over your binary.
Promise me that you will allow me to narrate the story of my body.
Promise me that you won’t love me like a man, kiss me like a man, fuck me like a man.
Promise me you won’t forget that when you bring me home.
Promise me you won’t forget that when you tell your friends about me.
Promise me you won’t forget that when you’re horny.
Promise me that they will not look back on my life and call this a phase.
Promise me that you believe me when I tell you this not a phase.
Promise that I will matter when I am too tired to prove my gender to you.

(Or don’t.
I’m used to it.)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - - -  - - - - -
original poem by alok vaid-menon. please support the artist

[Link to video in question]

What Transgender People Really Think About Sarah Silverman’s Fake Sex Change

The National Women’s Law Center (NWLC) has a new campaign called the Equal Payback Project, which, under the guise of “crowdfunding the wage gap,” seeks to raise awareness about the very real disparity between how much women get paid compared to men in the U.S. They launched the fundraising effort with a new video starring comedian Sarah Silverman, who is facetiously preparing to undergo a sex change so that she can earn as much as a man does.

The video has gotten rave reviews from mainstream outlets. E! Online praised the ad as “humorous” and “thought provoking.” Us Weekly joked that Silverman found the “perfect solution” for beating the “vagina tax.” Even Time Magazine highlighted the “risqué” ad, describing its plot as Silverman deciding that “it’s easier to just get a penis.”

Transgender people — those who might actually weigh the decision to undergo transition-related surgeries — had a very different reaction to the clip. Many have been criticizing the video on Twitter, and a few shared their thoughts with ThinkProgress about why they feel its shtick trivializes their experiences as transgender people.

Rachel See, a transgender lawyer in Virginia, told ThinkProgress that “being used as the punchline of a fundraising campaign by a group that should be our ally made me sad.” Though the ad suggests Silverman’s salary would go up, See explained that “transgender people routinely face discrimination for transitioning. Many lose their jobs, or find that they have a harder time getting a job.” Indeed, the National Transgender Discrimination Survey (NTDS) found that in 2011, transgender people were four times more likely to be living in extreme poverty than the general population and faced double the rate of unemployment. As activist Janet Mock quipped on Twitter Wednesday, tagging the NWLC and Silverman, “Sex reassignment doesn’t help one advance in workplace. Ask one of the most underemployed populations: trans people.”

GLAAD President Sarah Kate Ellis similarly chided the video Thursday afternoon. Ellis acknowledged that the humor was probably “well intended,” but suggested that it “missed the mark” by not acknowledging that “for transgender people, the workplace is usually a very hostile environment. And that’s not really funny at all.”

It’s nonetheless true that many skeptics of transgender equality accuse transgender individuals of transitioning for selfish reasons. Sarah McBride, Special Assistant for for LGBT Progress at the Center for American Progress, notes that there are “widespread societal prejudices and misconceptions” that people transition for “some sort of sexual or financial advantage.” But as See points out, many trans people do not even undergo surgery because they cannot afford it. The NTDS found that no more than a quarter of trans people had undergone some form of genital surgery. Though about 43 percent of trans men had had chest surgery and another 50 percent wanted it, only 2 percent had undergone phalloplasty (the construction or reconstruction of a penis), and 72 percent of them didn’t even want it.

Likewise, See points out that the video problematically defines gender by reducing it entirely to a person’s genitals. In response, she posed the question, “Is a transgender person who has not yet had genital surgery any less of a man or a woman? That’s what the NWLC is implying in their ad.”

But that’s not to say that transgender people don’t have something compelling to add to the conversation about the gender wage gap. McBride told ThinkProgress that transitioning was an “eye-opening experience” because she learned not only about prejudice against transgender people, but the effects of sexism as well. “My qualifications and talents did not change when I transitioned, yet in the eyes of many people, they did,” she explained.

Likewise, trans men do acknowledge that they experience male privilege after transitioning. Lou Weaver, a trans advocate and educator in Texas, said that after transitioning, he could ask for more money to do my job. “Before [transitioning],” he recalled, “I did not get paid as much as my male counter parts even though I had as much experience.” But the advantages he has a man only persist so long as he doesn’t reveal that he’s trans. If he outs himself, he’s told that he will “always be female” and that he is “not a ‘real’ man.” When faced with such detractors, Weaver counters, “I do not need a penis to be a man.”

NWLC did not respond directly to a ThinkProgress request for comment, but did post a response to the controversy Thursday afternoon. The statement from NWLC Co-President Marcia D. Greenberger notes that “our work includes all women” and highlights some of the financial challenges transgender people experience. As to the content of the ad, however, the statement seems to defend its premise as comically “ludicrous,” arguing, “The Equal Payback Project uses Silverman’s brand of absurd humor to draw attention to this ludicrous situation — it was not our intent to make light of the serious issues transgender people face.”

Greenberger does not explicitly apologize for the ad, but she does include a promise to do better by transgender people: “We will share statistics about job discrimination faced by transgender people as part of the Equal Payback Project. And we commit to using some of the resources raised by this project to bring awareness to the discrimination faced by transgender women and men.”

The Equal Payback Project has raised just over $80,000 as of Thursday afternoon, but nowhere on its page does it currently mention transgender people.