traditional-gender-norms

And, of course, expressions of sex and sexuality have to be carefully monitored. Men definitely can’t look too sexless. Roughly half the book consists of advice on not seeming sexless. But at the same time, they can’t express their sexuality too overtly. No body piercings; no leather pants; no use of slang terms for masturbation. (Dead giveaway as to the authors’ attitude towards sex: “Not that the word masturbation is so delightful…”) And no “prepping for sex.” You know what? I don’t like mirrored ceilings or satin sheets, either. I sure as hell do like men – and women – with dildos, buttplugs, lube, whips, ropes, nipple clamps, bondage cuffs, massage oil, and so on. For me, or for them. Or for both of us. I like men – and women – who care enough about sex to make it a priority in their life. I like men – and women – who honor sex enough to consciously prepare for it, instead of pretending that it sprang on them by accident.

But here was the kicker for me. Here was the “Don't” that kicked this book up from Mildly Annoying But Sort Of Funny to Prime Example Of Everything That’s Wrong With Gender In Our Society.

If you want to be a dateable man – if you want to be manly enough to deserve a woman (although not too manly!) – you can’t have a cat.

[This article is from last year–amazed I hadn’t seen it sooner! Thanks to the rookie, who posted it on his Facebook.]

I think I’ll do a longer post when there are pictures, but I really LOVED the new episode of Clarence.  The realism of the visit, how overbearing a parent can be even when dealing with their adult children, but especially how nice Chad and Mary are as a couple.  

They’ve made Chad more intelligent than he was in the first episodes (where he basically just laughed and made sounds) without changing his character. He’s not only a nice person, but contributes to the house through cooking, defying traditional gender norms, is supportive and isn’t really played for laughs despite appearing to be a basic dumb dad archetype.

Mary meanwhile had what was both a realistic and stressful plot regarding her mother. Anyone who’s moved out and had their parents return know it can be like this, they judge every choice made, so much that hiding entire aspects of personality is the only way to endure the visit.  Even then they find all kinds of things to complain about (Her frog statues).  Worse was how parents visiting try to force their way of doing things on the entire house and refuse to acknowledge any of the chaos it brings.  This was a seriously stressful episode just because of how truthful it was.

Finally what should be mentioned again is how Clarence and his family is fat, but never shown in a bad way.  They’re never mocked, belittled or forced into the standard stereotypes and tropes (maybe Chad has, but it’s stopped).  Mary is pretty and portrayed  that way and Chad just seems like he needs to cleanup.  This is  bit of a dumb dad trope, but is a light one and realistic.

I’m a feminist because after my mom died, my dad told me that ‘I need to be sweet like her’. 

So I have to be sweet and put everyone else before myself? NO THANKS.

Yes, I am sweet and sunny and thoughtful, but I shouldn’t be obliged to because I’m female. That’s not all I am. I’m independent and strong and have gotten more shit done that any man in my family ever has in my 19 years. 

I don’t see my dad telling my brother to be a nice person, to be sweet like my mom was. 

So fuck your traditional gender norms and ideas. I’ve got better shit to do.

“[D]evelopmental research on emotion socialization and coping suggests that adherence to these norms should be associated with distracting and avoidant responses that lead to externalizing rather than internalizing symptoms (Cole et al., 1994, 2003; Eisenberg et al., 2001; Kring & Bachorowski, 1999). Consistent with the developmental literature, adult men who adhere to traditional gender norms are at greater risk for substance abuse, aggression, and other externalizing symptoms (e.g., Isenhart, 1993; McCreary et al., 1999). One possibility is that adherence to traditional norms places men at risk both for prototypic symptoms of depression, and for externalizing symptoms that coincide with depression but are not formally part of the disorder. Alternatively, externalizing symptoms in these men may reflect attempts to cope with an existing depression.”

PROM RESOURCES FOR LGBT STUDENTS

“Every year, the ACLU receives calls from students whose schools have told them that they cannot bring a same-sex date to the prom or homecoming, or that they can’t come to a school dance unless they wear clothing that conforms to traditional gender norms.  Policies such as these exclude LGBT students from participating fully in school life, and they’re not only prejudicial, they are unconstitutional.

In Fricke v. Lynch, a federal court ruled that any policy excluding same-sex couples from proms or school dances violates the right to free expression guaranteed by the 1st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.  Other decisions have found that enforcing outdated notions that only boys can wear tuxedoes and only girls can wear dresses to formal school dances is illegal. Other federal courts have ruled in the same way, most recently in the case of McMillen v. Itawamba County School District.

The ACLU’s LGBT Project has developed a letter to principals and superintendents that students can use if their school tries to stop them from bringing a same-sex date to the prom or any other school dance.  We have also developed two letters for girls being prevented from wearing tuxes and boys being prevented from wearing dresses.  You can print whichever letter is appropriate for your situation, give it to your principal, and ask that they please change their position on school dances.

If your situation is not addressed by these letters, or you give these letters to officials at your school and they still insist on anti-LGBT policies, or if you just want to talk and get some advice before you do anything, please fill out our intake form or contact us at (212) 549-2673.”

Article with links here