too-face

Which Batman Villain Should You Fight?

Catwoman

There is a 93% chance that Catwoman wins this fight.

Do it. Fight Catwoman. You know you want to. You know she wants you to. Please fight catwoman. You’ll both enjoy yourselves, not to mention get a killer workout -  and chances are she’ll give you a few helpful pointers before she knocks you on your sorry ass. It’s a win-win, honestly. Fight her.

Killer Croc

There is a 100% chance that Killer Croc wins this fight.

Do not fight Croc. Don’t do it. He’s literally a giant Crocodile. If you’re lucky the least he’ll do is knock you out. Don’t fight Killer Croc, it’s the worst (and maybe last) decision you’ll ever make.

The Riddler

There is a 5% chance that The Riddler wins this fight.

Fight The Riddler. Please fight The Riddler, he honestly deserves it and he has noodle arms. Knock him right on his smug ass. I suppose it’s possible that he could beat you, but the only way that’s going to happen is if he taunts you with enough riddles to make you leave. Lets be real, though, you’ll probably punch him in the jaw before it gets that far so just do everyone a favor and fight The Riddler.

Poison Ivy

There is a 74% chance that Poison Ivy wins this fight.

Fight her anyway. She’s a force to be reckoned with, but kick over a potted plant and she’ll literally wilt. I mean, it’s unlikely you’ll get that far because she’ll probably beat you down and poison you but like… you know how she does that right?? Honestly it’s probably worth the horrible agony that comes next, just fight her.

The Joker

There is a 140% chance that The Joker wins this fight.

Don’t do it. Don’t fight the Joker. Are you nuts? Do you have a death wish? There is no best case scenario when you fight the Joker. The best case scenario still involves you dying, it just means that maybe when he’s done torturing you he won’t break your neck and dance on your desecrated corpse. But he probably still will, so don’t do it. Don’t fight the Joker.

Harley Quinn

There is a -10% chance that Harley Quinn wins this fight.

Man, don’t fight Harley. Please, for the love of God don’t do it. It’d be like fighting a puppy, okay? Either you win and she still wants to take you out to lunch, or she wins and feels horrible about it. She might cry. Do you want that to happen? There’s no way for Harley to win here and you can’t do that to her.

Two Face

There is a 50% chance that Two Face wins this fight.

There is literally a 50% chance you’ll survive this. I mean, its just as possible for you to lose, and probably end up with a few new holes in your chest as a result. But also you might not lose and could end up with a new best friend who is both a supervillain and a lawyer which is honestly the best combination to keep you out of trouble with the law. So do it. Fight Two Face.

The Scarecrow

There is a 10% chance that The Scarecrow wins this fight.

Fight him. Fight The Scarecrow. In all honestly, the man will probably fight himself once you get far enough. He deserves to get his ass kicked and frankly, he knows it too. The best part is, it’ll be laughably easy. Assuming you don’t choose to use the literal noose he wears like a necktie, just wait a few minutes. He’ll probably spontaneously catch on fire. It happens too often to be coincidence so please fight The Scarecrow.

The Mad Hatter

There is a 100% chance that YOU LOSE this fight.

I mean you could fight the Mad Hatter but why would you want to?? He’ll probably just wave his arms pathetically trying to hit you and then sit down and cry when he can’t. He can’t possibly win this fight so the best case scenario is that you give up and call it a draw before you wind up consoling him. Even then you’ll still feel like a douche for just wanting to fight him in the first place. Honestly just leave the man to his tea and occasional murder it’s better for everyone this way.

The Penguin

There is a 0% chance that The Penguin wins this fight.

Do it. Just do it. Fight The Penguin.That little bastard deserves to be knocked on his ass. Not only is he a criminal, he’s a rich criminal. He doesn’t even need to steal he just does. For fun. What an asshole, please fight the Penguin there’s no way he can win.

Bane

There is a 4000% chance that Bane wins this fight.

He’s already bigger than you. And Stronger. If by some freak chance he’s not, then he can make himself bigger and stronger than you. Don’t fight Bane. Don’t do it.

Mr. Freeze

There is a 100% chance that you’re an asshole.

The dude’s wife is DEAD why would you want to fight him?? All he wants is his wife back which not only means that you’re awful, it means he has literally nothing to lose. The man will take 4 seconds to turn you into a giant dick-cicle. Don’t do it. Do not fight Mr. Freeze.

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I was tagged by the brilliant queerwalker for the 20 beautiful people tag thing, oh gosh thank you! I’ve been ill for a few days so excuse my tired face. Also, behold my mighty throne.

I tag (and only do it if you want to waheey!) : lifehasstarted, filledoureyeswithstars, heyfeebs, nightvaliandragon, hisnameiscarlos, myselfcubed, fac-off, emmadoesnotcompute, thiseternaloptimist, tundrasretreat, otterlogic, caspervoltaireaddams, sashanico, oxytreza, eruditexperimenter, livinginnightvale, female–president, erika-youknowtheangel, monstersanosa and cordure!

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i was tagged by my squirrel frand chachkiaison to post the first selfie/last selfie on my phone. look at fetus moi in the first pic!!!! going off to uni, not knowing what to expect, completely unaware that a show about drag queens is gonna take over my entire being!!! smh!!!! so young and foolish!!!! 

ANYWAYS i’m sure majority of you have already done this tag or have been tagged but i’m gonna tag y’all anyways. *alaska voice* is that okay with you, honey?