Well, it’s back to school time, and you know what THAT means—the little monsters will be out of your hair for a while. Time for them to hit the books again. Well, not really. Why would anybody want to hit a book? What did a book ever do to YOU? Anyway, happy back to school, and thanks for sharing my books with your children.
Ten ways to increase your reading speed:
1. Take a speed reading class.
2. Only read every other word.
3. Skip any word that has the letter “A” in it. There are 25 other letters. How important could one lousy letter be?
4. When you sit down to read, pretend a meteor is about to strike the earth and you have one hour to live.
5. Take another speed reading class, because you didn’t learn anything the first time.
6. Only read “Hop On Pop” by Dr. Seuss.
7. Exercise your eyes by watching ping-pong tournaments.
8. When you come to a word you don’t understand, don’t waste time looking it up. Just substitute the word “shoebox.”
9. Get some of your reading done at odd times, like while you’re skydiving.
10. Take another speed reading class.
More of Dan’s wise words can be found in his books for kids, including My Weird School and The Genius Files.