Your Party, Get Together, or Bar Mitzvah Just Got So Much Better

Parties are hard work. They require planning, foresight, money, and friendship. Sometimes those friendships just don’t pan out. Instead of having that same lame cookout every year, why not spice it up by having actual, dyed in the wool Major League ballplayers show up? 

"But how?" you ask. "Wouldn’t I need celebrity connections, mountains of cash, and perhaps some incriminating photographs to get baseball players to show up at my event?" No, no, and no. Well, a little cash wouldn’t hurt. 

Thanks to Thuzio.com, I now know that if I want to dine with Mickey Morandini, telling him about my idea for the Mickey Morandini Emporium of Spaghettini, it will only set me back $300. Or if I want to invite Lenny Harris to be the pinch hitter at your next pick up game, it will only cost $500. Or, and most importantly, if you want to pick up Fred McGriff and sit atop a rooftop in Crime Alley to really test his crime dog limits, it will only cost a few thousand dollars. 

The Holidays are here, everybody. Just imagine how happy you’d make me if I woke up on Christmas morning with Art Shamsky under the tree? I’ll tell you how happy: very. 

(h/t Reddit

Watch on childrenofprime.tumblr.com

Courtesy of Rembert’s extensive research into the wonder/horror that is Thuzio.

We need this man in our lives. I could not think of anything more fun than taking the piss out of weedy bankers that are paying me to teach them how to box.

$200 for a private coaching session. I would pay him to make fun of me, the guy’s hilarious. 

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On another note, I signed up to PGA Tour Fantasy Golf. Sundays just got real again. 

MFAP.

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