There are a lot of ways that SBs ensure their own safety. One method is observation and identification of red flags. Certain actions/behaviors can indicate that a man who seems like a perfect POT is actually salty or dangerous.
Just a warning, I harp on this respect thing a lot, but I promise, there’s a good reason. I’ve yet to meet a SD who has respect for his SB but injures/degrades/deceives her. SDs have a lot of power in sugar relationships, and as far as I’m concerned, it’s not worth taking the risk of being harmed by a SD who I thought seemed “ok.”
On dates, I pay close attention to a POT’s conduct and behavior and what these actions indicate. Sometimes it’s a combination of a few subtle actions that turn me away from a POT. Other times it’s one big action. If the action is marked with a star, this indicates that if a POT did such I would immediately walk out on the date. Here’s a list of some of the red flags I look for particularly on dates.
-If he arrives first, he should stand up when you walk over. Most SDs are older and were brought up with proper manners. If he fails to stand, the probability is he simply doesn’t think you’re worth the courtesy, rather than him simply not understanding proper manners.
-He shows up more than 15 minutes late without contacting you. This is another serious sign of disrepect. SDs understand that time is money. If he wastes your time and doesn’t have an amazing reason, skip him.
-If a POT shows concern about food prices (complains about price or gives me price limit), I automatically assume they’re salt. If he complains, he either can’t afford to treat you to dinner or he doesn’t think your worth the expense. Either way, he’s not for you. Even bigger red flag if he chose the restaurant but complaints about the food/chef/ etc. He’s either pretending to dislike the food because he thinks it makes himself seem more dignified, or he actually hates the food but chose it for the price range.
-I consider it to be a serious warning sign if a POT attempts to order my meal without my consent. I don’t mind if they give recommendations, but ordering food for me without my input isn’t okay. I know some SBs consider this to be romantic, and it is after you’ve developed a relationship, it’s not okay for a POT to do it on the first date. If he thinks it’s okay to order a meal without your input, he’s indicating that he thinks his decision making abilities are better than yours, or that he’s more sophisticated than you are. Ordering a meal is disrepectful, especially when the POT fails to acknowledge possible allergies/dietary restrictions. It’s a date for both of you - not him. Even if the date sucks, you should get a nice meal out of it. A nice meal you chose because you wanted it.
-This is an anti-red flag. Texting constantly is obvious a no-no. However, I don’t consider it to be disrepectful if a SD places his phone on the table. Most POTs are high ranking executives/businessmen. It simply isn’t realistic or practical to ask him to put his phone away entirely for an hour. Even if he does, he’ll spend that hour wondering if his business is collapsing rather than focusing on you. This demonstrates that he’s responsible and takes his responsibilities seriously - which is a great trait to have in a SD.
⭐️-One of the questions I always ask a POT on the first date is if he’s ever had a sugar relationship before, and if so why did it not work out. If he starts ripping apart his old SB, that’s a huge red flag. Keep in mind there’s a difference between critically evaluating a relationship, and blatantly attacking his previous SB. If he acknowledges his own fault, it’s probably a critique. If he uses any whoreophobic words in reference to his past SB, I leave.
-Scans room regularly. This may sound odd, but it’s never steered my wrong. By “scan” I’m referring to that jumpy eye panoramic examination of the room (exceptions are if he’s a cop, or other form of law enforcement, because for then it’s habit). This is a warning sign because men generally only do this if they’re concerned about being seen. If being in public together makes him nervous, he most likely will want a “private” (aka p4p) relationship.
⭐️-Pesters for personal information, such as home address or full name. If he can’t respect your boundaries early on, he won’t respect them better later. One POT insisted he’d have a car delivered to me, but only if he could bring it to my house. There is no valid reason a POT needs your home address or birth name.
⭐️-Presents any paperwork. I fucking blame 50 Shades of Grey. If a POT brings a contract of any sort on the first date (and, for your safety, just assume anything he asks for your signature on is a contract) ladies you need to run away. There’s really no good reason a POT would want a contract (it defeats one of the alluring aspects of sugaring).
-He leaves without any physical contact. This may seem counter intuitive, but I get nervous anytime a POT date ends without at least a handshake. To me it indicates that he’s nervous, and unless this is his first sugar date, a POT being nervous unnerves me (ha.)
Those are some of my red flags. Hope you ladies find these useful for avoiding salt/bad POTs.