i really try not to view any of my experiences as inherently bad. while a lot of them were terrible, painful, and would continue to affect me months or years afterward, i dont think they are “bad.” id consider nearly all experiences to be good experiences (there are of course exceptions). every experience teaches you something. every single terrible experience ive had has changed me in some way. i wouldnt be who i am or capable of what i am now without those experiences. im at a point now where im able to appreciate my parents divorce, my struggle with self harm, my god awful freshman year, going to the hospital, and even all the times i was so close to killing myself, etc etc etc. i still deal with a lot of these things on a daily basis. but i try to view it as a learning process. this is how i find silver linings. this is how i try 2 live without regrets no matter what i do.
the human brain is constructed around repeated processes. whenever we are dealt with pain or trauma or anything else our reactions are the collective sum of all the other things we have experienced before. negative or positive, whatever coping methods we choose are actually just the same trodden, beat down neural pathways firing up over and over again. how we deal with one situation affects how we deal with the next. however, there is such a thing as neuroplasticity. these neural pathways can be abandoned, and newer healthy ones can be formed and fired over and over again. the human brain is malleable, especially underdeveloped juvenile brains.
even just taking the tiniest step towards the opposite direction will affect your neural pathways and coping methods, because you will look back and realize youre one step away from where you started. so maybe you take another step. and then another. the brain is malleable, but it cant change instantaneously. on average, there are two thousand steps in a mile. things take time. but you have all the time in the world, or as much time as you give yourself. and eventually, you may just break out in a run.