Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep because of me. I make myself sad.
Looking at it, I can’t seem to fall in love, ever. How long has it been since I made you reveal your truest self and that this whole pointless relationship has to come to an end? What? 4 years going 5?
No matter how many people I meet, they will never make me as happy as you did.
They will never leave me with butterflies in my stomach after we have a conversation. They will never say something that makes me smile so much that my jaw has to hurt. They will never impact my life and I would never constantly think of them every second of my life, in everything I do. How can one think of someone every second of their life? crazy right? I would never argue with them, because an argument means the end of getting to know each other because the bond is just so - so WRONG. Meanwhile when it came to you the other time when I knew you, It felt like I knew you my whole life. All this while I have always thought of you, I will always ALWAYS think of you. It will always be you who appears and the thought of it is painful because you’re all I can ever think of even though I know - I know you don’t exist. Everything we had was a lie and it was your fantasy and I am forever TRAPPED in it.
I miss it. I miss you. I miss being so in love with you - I miss having a companion that I thought was my true love. I fell in love with the thought of your existence that even when I had the slightest thought of your truest self, I chose to not believe. Silly me.
And right now I’m trapped. The thought of you? It pains me the most. I don’t know how to get out of it. I don’t think I will ever meet anyone as special as you. That’s disappointing, I’m disappointing.