this is pointless but it made me happy

anonymous asked:

Honestly you're like a mentor type person for me. I'm 14 and your opinions and answers to asks open my eyes and are very insightful ☺️. I love your blog.💛

Oh my god you’re so sweet, but please take everything I say with a grain of salt. You might be only 14, but I’m only 18. I make mistakes just like any teenager and say stupid or problematic or inaccurate things. I’m still learning, just like you are.

suicide is something that’s always going to be at the back of my mind, but not in the way a normal suicidal person would. i survived (i still don’t know how exactly i made it through the night, but for that i’m so grateful) and its a reminder to me every day that i should appreciate the littlest things, even if i’m having a bad day or something so small and pointless has upset me. i know its hard, but please, suicide is honestly never the answer no matter how tempting it may be. i’m not going to bullshit anyone and say you have to love yourself in order to be happy because hell no i don’t. but. being thankful for at least the smallest things in life is something you should always value and use as an excuse to keep living. i’ve grown into such a strong person over the years, even though i still catch myself slipping sometimes. always be grateful for your life no matter what. stay strong, because there’s so much love in this world.

Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep because of me. I make myself sad. 

Looking at it, I can’t seem to fall in love, ever. How long has it been since  I made you reveal your truest self and that this whole pointless relationship has to come to an end? What? 4 years going 5? 

No matter how many people I meet, they will never make me as happy as you did. 

They will never leave me with butterflies in my stomach after we have a conversation. They will never say something that makes me smile so much that my jaw has to hurt. They will never impact my life and I would never constantly think of them every second of my life, in everything I do. How can one think of someone every second of their life? crazy right? I would never argue with them, because an argument means the end of getting to know each other because the bond is just so - so WRONG. Meanwhile when it came to you the other time when I knew you, It felt like I knew you my whole life. All this while I have always thought of you, I will always ALWAYS think of you. It will always be you who appears and the thought of it is painful because you’re all I can ever think of even though I know - I know you don’t exist. Everything we had was a lie and it was your fantasy and I am forever TRAPPED in it.

I miss it. I miss you. I miss being so in love with you - I miss having a companion that I thought was my true love. I fell in love with the thought of your existence that even when I had the slightest thought of your truest self, I chose to not believe. Silly me.

And right now I’m trapped. The thought of you? It pains me the most. I don’t know how to get out of it. I don’t think I will ever meet anyone as special as you. That’s disappointing, I’m disappointing.

What makes me happy?

What makes me happy… For a while that question seemed pointless because nothing made me happy . Nothing would ever make me actually happy, I was the master of fake smiles is what it felt like. Don’t get me wrong there were a few as in one or two people who could see past it but it was very rare. I use to be ashamed of the fact that I like girls the “ way I’m suppose to like guys” and still I’m not out to everyone. I was… I am a closed off person but I have come a long way in my opinion. I have trouble trusting people and opening up to people but I’m working on it. I’ve overcome a lot of things in my life and I’m happy that I’ve been able to overcome them. Okay back on topic, so what makes me happy well I was reintroduced to happiness when I “met” my girlfriend. I was scrolling threw my feed and I saw this video on ca-bae-yo blog and watched it and I read the comments on it and one was from some blog called northside-vibes , I don’t know why but I went and checked out her blog. After being a weirdo and scrolling through her blog I decided to shoot her a message just saying hey . And ever since then I have been lucky enough to experience the feeling of happiness and I am so grateful to have this beautiful talented and crazy smart girl as my girlfriend and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with her. Thank you baby for making me truly happy and putting up with my crap❤️ I love you❤️

 I want a relationship where I can tell you what made me happy and what made me sad and angry about my day. We  talk for hours on end about pointless things, just to hear each others voices. Sending messages or pictures that remind us of that special person. Someone who loves me and will be proud of me. 

anonymous asked:

hey carmen! seeing darren at pride yesterday looking so happy and in his element made me so happy. regardless of his orientation, it made me feel so warm knowing how much he supports this community. i'm weirdly (in a good way!) emotional over it tbh. i hope he shows this side of himself more often b/c it was beautiful to see & if he is lgbt+, i sincerely hope he does come out soon. there's so much love for him here. sorry if this ask is totally pointless, just wanted to put this out there :)

Hi honey It really was a beautiful thing. I loved seeing him just so free and happy.

I have so many feelings about how I was raised to believe I should only wear what is ‘flattering’ within a very narrow perspective of what I should ideally look like and I missed out on wearing so many things because they didn’t make me look thinner or made me look paler or any kind of pointless beauty standard + I still have to challenge that all the time in my daily life

I’m still learning that I have no obligation to look good to other people (considering I was raised to always wear make-up, even at home or to the gym, as a matter of ‘social etiquette’) and that I really owed it to other people and myself to look as conventionally attractive as possible t all times

and I’m finally learning to wear what makes me happy instead of giving a damn if its ‘flattering’ or emphasises my hips or makes me look paler or doesn’t ‘show my shape’ or is too bright or too dark or whatever the hell else can be wrong with it

the way I look is fine and every way I can look is fine, I don’t need to be ‘flattered’ and dress strategically to downplay every part of me that doesn’t strictly conform to a useless ideal in the first place

I still struggle to wear something because I like it and not obsess about whether it makes my body look more ideal and not less, but I’m trying

I want you. I want to sit down and plan out crazy trips with you that we might not even end up taking. I want to wake up with you one morning and decide out of nowhere to just go anywhere. I want you to wake me up with your snoring, and I want to be the one you wake up to because I accidentally stole all the blankets in my sleep. I want to be silly with you, make messes for the sake of making them and because it’ll be just as fun to clean it up. I want to hear your laugh when I pull some ridiculous shit just for the sake of making you happy. I want to have days where we do nothing but lie in each others arms and feel safe together. I want to spend time obsessing over pointless shit just to have you tell me that it’s all going to work out in the end because you’re the only person who’s ever made me believe that. I want you so badly, and I swear I’m never going to stop wanting.

emersedcube7 asked:

Would you say you just gave up on life in a way

Alright. Buckle up. It’s story time!

So about two years ago I had completely given up. I decided that I no longer had a meaning in life and I was just so pointless. At this point in my life I tried to take my own life. I tried, however, I failed. At this point my mother got worried and sent me away to a place that was made to help people with depression as severe as mine. After about a year and a half here I was happy. I felt needed and as though there was a light at the end of the tunnel again. At this point I was again moved to a different place. At this new place I began to fall back into old ways, and this is where I am now. I know that it can be really hard sometimes and I even feel as though my life is pointless often, but I honestly believe that every life in this world is important. In a way I had given up, and some nights I still feel as though I am giving up on myself and the world as a whole, but I have not given up altogether. There is always purpose in life. You may not see it now, but one day it will come to you. It could be a different thing every day, or it could be something that keeps you going for years. Never give up. Life may hit you down really hard, but that is the reason to get back up and show life that your life is worth living because every single life on this planet is here for a reason, and we are destined to be great in our own way. 

younow(j.g)

I let out a shaky breath as I hold onto Jack’s hand for dear life. He decided he wanted to do a younow to tell the fans, I allowed him to pick, it was his fans after all. I felt like I was going to throw up and cry, I was so terrified for their reaction. I knew some fans could be really cruel, but then there’s also some amazing ones that you can’t believe you were even lucky enough to meet. “alright babe, you ready?” Jack asked while placing a kiss to my forehead. I I nod my head just wanting to get this over with, it had to be done at some point. The younow had officially started and Jack smiled brightly while greeting them. “I’m going to wait a minute until more people join, I have some important news.” Jack smiled again, he just couldn’t stop smiling today and it made me so happy. After a few minutes of pointless conversation between us and answering questions Jack decided enough people were watching. “Alright y/n, come over here so they can see you.” I slid over and waved a little and comments blew up saying hi making me smile. “So as you know y/n and I have been dating for a good two years now.” I nodded with a smile letting Jack do the talking. “You guys know she means the world to me and I would do anything for her, she honestly is my world and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She’s so great and I love how supportive she is, I couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend, and I didn’t think my life with her could get any better, but.” Jack paused to take a breath and look at me, grabbing my hand. “We’re pregnant.” The comments exploded of people freaking out. Most people were just typing random letters and repeating ‘oh my god mini jack’. I let out a laugh at the comments and sent a smile to the camera. Everyone seemed really excited and that’s all that mattered to me.

Fangirl time.

Alrighty…i do not fangirl normally but boy meets world/girl meets world holds a special place in my heart for so many reasons. So here we go..just finished watching the gmw episode where angela makes an appearance. Alot of people are not satisfied with how it turned out. I on the other hand enjoyed it even though their meeting was pretty abrupt. I shipped shawn and angela so hard during bmw. I loved their relationship and i was upset when she left him at the end of the series. Bringing her back and having her be married to someone else made me kind of happy. It brought closure to the relationship and it showed that life does go on. It may not be how we expect it but it does go on and in some ways gets better. And most importantly (in my opinion anyway) it gave shawn the opporunity to move on and possibly have his own happy ending FINALLY. This has probably been the most pointless fangirl rant ever but i just had to share.

I saw a really sad post and I was just sitting here staring at my phone being sad cuz it like really hit me weird and then someone drove by blasting How You Get The Girl and it caught my attention and made me sorta happy.. It sounded really muffled and echoey like it did at the beginning when she plays it live and this post is pointless but

anonymous asked:

Biggest mistake you've ever made? That you want to talk about, I mean

I think my biggest mistake is not standing up for myself and just letting people walk all over me for the first 15 years of my life. I never really objected to anything and I wasnt brave enough to speak my mind a lot of the time and I really regret that. I also regret not allowing myself to be happier sooner. I did things or continued doing things that I knew made me unhappy but I wouldnt stop. So I wasted a lot of time with pointless bullshit that didnt make me very happy but now I’ve changed all of that. So I guess all in all, my biggest mistake is not being as strong and happy as I know I could have been for a long time

I made it so far with my happiness

It’s literally been about a week and I haven’t had any negative thoughts. I haven’t cried and I haven’t had any mood changes or pangs of sadness hit me… I’ve come to far to fuck up now. It’s so beautiful outside and I can’t even enjoy that because of how I feel. Idk what’s wrong with me. Idk why it’s so hard to put myself back together. 

Talking about my feelings sometimes seem so pointless. The pain will always be there…always

Something.

We had something, like what you see in the movies. Something that comes once in a blue moon. Something special. Like our long walks in the park on a chilly fall day, or our pointless Polaroid pictures, waking up to the scent of breakfast that awaited me. The little things that made us happy. Midnight talks with hot tea with honey. Dancing to Ben Howard in the living room taking in the raw beauty our love created. Wanting to spend every minute together because a second apart felt like the most important thing in your life is taken away from you. It’s been too long and that something we had is gone. Something that can’t be replaced