things to remember

21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Domestic violence is once again in the forefront of the news. This is in part due to abusive incidents with sports figures or celebrities that have become very public. Abuse is not always as obvious as being hit or shoved, called degrading names or cussed out. In fact, it can very well be underhanded or subtle.

You may find yourself feeling confused about the relationship, off balance or like you are “walking on eggshells” all the time. This is the kind of abuse that often sneaks up on you as you become more entrenched in the relationship. I am talking here about psychological abuse, which is also known as mental or emotional abuse…

…Abusers at times do what I call “throw you a bone.” I have heard countless times from clients that their partner was “nice,” “complimentary,” “gave me a gift,” etc. as if it should erase all of the bad treatment. You need to understand that this is part of the dynamic and cycle of abuse. In fact, it is rare for abusive relationships to not have these (often intense) moments of feeling good, overly sincere apologies or attempts to make up for the bad behavior. The victim clings to hope when these moments occur and the abuser knows this.

Psychological abuse can look like:

  1. Humiliating or embarrassing you.
  2. Constant put-downs.
  3. Hypercriticism.
  4. Refusing to communicate.
  5. Ignoring or excluding you.
  6. Extramarital affairs.
  7. Provocative behavior with opposite sex.
  8. Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.
  9. Unreasonable jealousy. 
  10. Extreme moodiness.
  11. Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.
  12. Saying “I love you but…”
  13. Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”
  14. Domination and control.
  15. Withdrawal of affection.
  16. Guilt trips.
  17. Making everything your fault.
  18. Isolating you from friends and family.
  19. Using money to control.
  20. Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her.
  21. Threatening to commit suicide if you leave.

It is important to remember is that it is absolutely not your fault. Abusers are expert manipulators with a knack for getting you to believe that the way you are being treated is your fault. These people know that everyone has insecurities, and they use those insecurities against you.

Abusers can convince you that you do not deserve better treatment or that they are treating you this way to “help” you. Some abusers even act quite charming and nice in public so that others have a good impression of them. In private is a different story, which is also quite baffling.

If you see yourself in these words, know that there is little hope for your relationship to improve. It would take a monumental amount of insight and motivation for the abuser to change and unfortunately, this is rarely the case.

If you are in an abusive relationship, I urge you to get out and with professional help if needed. Often the first step in leaving the abuser is obtaining counseling just to rebuild your esteem so that you can leave. I particularly want you to know that you may “love” this person, but that they do not “love” you or respect you. I assure you that in time you will get over this person if you break it off. You will be making the right decision … no looking back.


Things To Remember in the FOB Fandom:
  • Pete is half Jamaican: we do not white wash him 
  • Joe was raised as/is Jewish: we respect his religion 
  • Andy is straight edge and vegan: we respect his choices and DO NOT tag him in triggering content. 
  • Tattoos are perfectly okay
  • Lack of tattoos are perfectly okay
  • We do not antagonize our band members on Twitter: it is an abomination.
  • We do not harass the wives/girlfriends of our band members under any circumstances  
  • 2005 is not coming back: look at it with nostalgia only. 
  • respect the fact that Fall Out Boy’s sound is evolving and changing and will never stay the same
  • Panic! At The Disco fandom is family. 
  • We all hide our secrets in Andy’s beard
  • Fedoras are cute
  • Cardigans are cute 
  • Saying “holy smokes” is cute. 
  • Fall Out Boy is cute
I used to think that the phrase ‘Don’t care what anyone thinks!’ was ridiculous, because if you only look to yourself, how will you grow? How will you know when you need to admit a mistake, or mend your attitude over something? Caring what the right people think, the people you respect and love and admire, is essential to properly maturing and learning. And I still absolutely think so.

But you know what? I’m starting to understand what ‘not caring what people think’ means. It means if you like wearing your hair up, you don’t start keeping it loose because someone said it looks matronly. It means if you dance to top 40’s pop hits, you don’t feel less cool because the boy you like listens to synth-rock indie bands you’ve never heard of. It means you keep being quiet, outgoing, serious, romantic, dreamy; you laugh loudly and often, or watch silent films, or wear dresses and heels to the grocery store, or only take baths, or not own a bikini, or post to Instagram as rarely or as often as you like. I don’t mean you never try new things or change your mind. But please, please don’t live your life with the end goal of making people go ‘I like what you’re doing.’
—  r.s. // things i am learning
1. Smoking cigarettes won’t kill the memory of him and it’ll just make your skin shitty and waste your money.
2. Be nice to your mum, dad, siblings I know it’s hard sometimes but soon you’ll have your own life and will only see them on occasions, treasure everyday with them.
3. Walking your dog past the park where he first kissed you won’t get you any closer to him it’ll make you feel like you’ve seen a ghost and you’ll want to throw up.
4. School work is fucking important. Just do it for fuck sake. School isn’t forever. Think about that feeling when you answer a question right or get a good grade on a paper. If you want it you can have it.
5. Stop wishing for time to pass, what are you waiting for? friday? summer? a better year? fucking make the most of now.
6. Swap the vodka for water. Alcohol will make you happy momentarily and you’ll probably regret it the next morning.
6. Comparing. Stop fucking comparing yourself to other peoples lives, appearances and personalities. Accept who you are.
7. If you feel shitty speak to your grandparents. Ask them about what they wanted to be when they were younger. Ask them what true love feels like, their favorite time of year, their favorite songs ask them anything and everything.
8. Fuck what people think, answer to nobody. If you don’t like the way someone speaks to you fucking tell them.
9. Stop feeling like you’re going to embarrass yourself; If you want to sing fucking sing; If you want to dance like a complete idiot do it.
10. Sleeping is great but when your sleeping so much because you can’t face the day stop. Get up. Watch the sun come up. Make yourself the nicest breakfast you’ve ever had. Listen to the radio. Think of all the things you could get done during the day.
11. Drunk texting him isn’t tragically beautiful and doesn’t mean you love him. It is desperate and you deserve better. You do not need to know why he left you. Some things are better left unsaid.
12. Delete his number. Do not hesitate.
13. Crying is normal, whimper, sob fall to the ground. But when your done pick up the fucking pieces. No one is going to save you but yourself.
14. Look after yourself wash your hair with shampoo that smells really good. Take long showers. Moisturize all your body. feel your skin you are alive you are living make your bones the only structure you’ll ever need.
15. Charity shops are amazing. you’ll find some gems in them. Go alone listen to music. Buy old books, records, dresses anything you like. you’ll get loads for your money and you’ll feel great after.
16. They’re not having as much fun as they look at those parties. The pictures tell another story you’ve seen it for yourself.
17. Stop waiting for someone to love you. Love yourself. Love the books you read, the films you watch. Find yourself before you find someone.
18. Accept criticism from family, teachers, close friends. They’re not doing it to be horrible they want you to be better and that’s amazing.
19. Buy your mum flowers out of the blue. Believe me she’ll appreciate it
20. Happy. The most important. Do what ever it takes to make yourself feel happy. Hug your dog until it tries to get away. text an old friend. watch childhood films, 80s films, documentaries about penguins anything. Buy a new shirt, a pizza, ice cream, paint, draw, write. Find what makes you happy. Radiate love.
—  .reminders. 

what 2014 taught me:

1. do not tie yourself to someone or something for too long. not yet.
2. love and let yourself be loved.
3. travel.
4. drown your mind in information that you’d like to learn.
5. pick up a new (or old) hobby.
6. be fluid in thought, choices and decisions.
7. drink water.
8. be politically, socially and culturally aware.
9. you have a voice - use it for a strong, passionate purpose.
10. everything is good growth, in one form or another.
11. breathe.

Oh, a beautiful passage that was sooo poetic and did nothing for novel, and three people have already pointed out that it’s pointless? Aren’t you precious. Let’s go enroll you in that MFA program, stat!

Nothing beautiful is lost forever. Cut it. Put it in a special document you’re going to name, “My Unrecognized Genius.” Later when you’re old and out of ideas, you’re going to open that file and steal shamelessly from the younger you. Critics will be astounded at the creative force of your 98 year old mind. Your eventual triumph will be complete.

For now, cut it, wimp.

—  Brent Weeks (x)
Hopefully as you get older, you start to learn how to live with your demon. It’s hard at first. Some people give their demon so much room that there is no space in their head or bed for love. They feed their demon and it gets really strong and then it makes them stay in abusive relationships or starve their beautiful bodies. But sometimes, you get a little older and get a little bored of the demon. Through good therapy and friends and self-love you can practice treating the demon like a hacky, annoying cousin. Maybe a day even comes when you are getting dressed for a fancy event and it whispers, “You aren’t pretty,” and you go, “I know, I know, now let me find my earrings.” Sometimes you say, “Demon, I promise you I will let you remind me of my ugliness, but right now I am having hot sex so I will check in later.”
—  Amy Poehler, “Yes Please”
Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone’s face, but there’s a third option: You can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward.
—  How I Met Your Mother
1. things are constantly changing. Relationships, people, your dreams, it all changes. 
2. Never let the opinions of others, keep you from being who you want to be. Wear what you want, listen to what you want, fuck every one else. 
3. It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to feel sad but don’t let it consume all the happiness that’s left inside you. 
4. if you love someone tell them, don’t let the thought of them not reciprocating their feelings scare you. You should tell them.
5. Date someone that embraces every part of you, date someone that you know isn’t afraid to tell the world they love you.
—  five things to remember throughout your lifetime (46 out 365)