September 23, 1:10 AM,
I should have learned my lesson.
You cannot give away your heart.
At least not entirely.
Somebody will break it,
or at least crumple it a little.
Intentional or not, it will happen.
It will never be whole again.
You will be missing little pieces.
And the holes will consume you.
The word love is such a sickly curse.
To believe that all is happiness,
and that to love someone makes you invincible.
And that to love someone will protect you.
It will teach you how to trust again..
how to smile purely…
how to have reason…
Love is a danger.
Love is a mirage.
It makes you see things.. feel things… think things…
when in reality, it kills you.
Because in a single moment,
you can be crushed.
In a few short minutes,
you’re broken again.
With a handful of words,
your world can collapse.
All because you made somebody else the center of it.
Love is an excuse for an exaggerated temporary romance.
For what you believe should be forever,
someone else could doubt in a matter of seconds.
Always can become questions.
Suddenly, somebody doesn’t know if they want you.
If they have time for you.
If they can balance you.
If they can handle you.
And there you are again.
Love. Love is why.
Love is madness.
Devotion comes at a price,
for you can so easily be dropped.
And once again, you find yourself alone.
Only this time, you’ve forgotten how to swim..
because you were too caught up in the idea of floating along side somebody else.
Well guess what?
That somebody else let go of your hand.
They’re swimming on their own.
They left you there. Drowning.
Yeah, they look back here and there..
You can tell they care whether you’re alright or not.
But who are you trying to fool?
Yeah they’re looking back…
But they aren’t reaching for your hand again.
There you are. Gasping for air.
Drowning in this ocean of sorrow called life.
And nobody there to understand
All you have is yourself.
And you know what?
You don’t want to swim anymore.
You aren’t dramatic, and you aren’t giving up.
You just know that the ocean isn’t even worth bearing without that hand to guide you.
Because love, as evil as it is,
has also cured you.
It’s saved you from other evils.
It’s saved you from your mind.
But what do you do when love is unrequited?
Not necessarily in feelings,
but in actions?
What do you do when you feel one sided?
That’s what you feel.
So what does this mean?
This means if you ever have a key to your heart,
you better fucking throw it into an ocean and watch it drop, and don’t
you dare let anybody get that key.
Once they do, you’re screwed.
Once somebody gets in there and touches your heart,
and teaches you this so called “love,”
Well, then you’ll understand..
You’ll know what it’s like to willingly let yourself sink.
Not that you want to be drowning,
but that you know that nothing else you could possibly do will replace the hand that kept you afloat.
Love is evil,
but it does exist.
Real love.. not the fake kind you think you find…
I’m talking about the real stuff.
It fucks you up. But once it’s there,
Somebody will become your world.
Sometimes they’ll want you, and maybe one day they’ll change their mind and say they don’t.
Sometimes they’ll confuse you.
They’ll tell you they love you.
They’ll hold you and kiss your scars and wipe your broken tears away.
They’ll kiss you until your skin turns purple and red, and kiss you over and over and tell you how much you mean to them.
And then one day, they don’t want you again.
It’s not fair, but it’s life.
And that is the price you pay when you fall in love.
So do yourself a favor, and keep that key safe.
You’ll save yourself a whole lot of madness.
This thing called love is a crazy thing.
It will consume you.
It will be the blood flowing in your veins.
It will be the butterflies in your stomach.
It will be the cuts on your skin,
and the tears on your face.
It will be the purple spots on your body.
It will be the big baggy hoodie you love to sleep in.
It will be the reason you wake up, and the reason you fall asleep.
Because that, my dear,
is what happens
when you let your love become your everything.