Okay, first things first: Everything in my life is not fucked up.
I didn’t even see my life as fucked up. Yeah sure I may be struggling but my faith in God in so strong that I know that everything will be okay in the end. Why? Because He has proved to me so many times before that it will always get better.
"God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)
Let me give you some examples:
My relationship with my once abusive mother? Guess who’s living back in her house?
My struggles with cutting? Guess who stopped?
My struggles with panic attacks? Guess who has not been in the hospital for a panic in over two years?
Needed to find who my real friends are? Guess who disappeared from my life?
Needed to find a place with a strong sense of security and love? I didn’t even get one place, I got plenty: my church, my best friend’s house, my own homes — plural — my pastor’s house.
Am I still struggling to find food to eat? Guess who the chef let’s her eat iin the cafe for free?
You see, I can keep going and going but the problem is but I am afraid that no matter how many things I list, you might think my life will always be fucked up.
Let’s take a moment here to pause.
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37 (NLT)
Please, before making assumptions about other people, take a moment to think if what you’re thinking is true or not. My life being “fucked up” is only a manner of perspective. You can count all the terrible things that has happened to me all you want, but let’s not forget to count all the remarkable things that has happened.
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)
I have learned so much and gained so much from my life that I would not trade anything in my past for it.
I may have scars on my arms and suppressed memories from my past but never again will I think my life is fucked up. Gosh, I see my life as a gift. I see living as a privilege. I see it so much as a privilege that I aspire to make other people’s life happy and well. I don’t care if I get repercussions from it or get taken for granted.
I’m aware that sometimes I get hurt from being kind and generous, but it’s okay because "If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also." Luke 6:29 (NLT)
Why am I able to have such strong faith? Well "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13 (NLT)
I challenge you on something: Focus on the good and everything in your life will suddenly be good.
Try it, just try it. You’ll be surprised
It will be difficult at first, I know but always remember this:
"Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)
I will be praying for you my anonymous. I hope everything is alright on your end.