these thoughts

I have been thinking about the mages v templar stuff in Inquisition recently, and how dissatisfying it was to realize that simply choosing a side to help with the Breach right at the start of the game was all it took to end the war between them. We’ve had this war talked up and made to seem like a continent wide crisis and descent into anarchy for years now, in game and in the supplemental materials, and the opening of Inquisition showed the great peace talks that were supposed to resolve the fighting. And yet, simply going to talk to one side during the early events of the game puts the entire war to rest. No peace talks, no negotiations to oversee, no back and forth across the entire breadth of the game that might have affected what sort of welcome the Inquisition receives in each new area, and what opposition they might face. 

Really, if we’re supposed to believe that we truly put an end to the war and stabilized things again with any lasting impact beyond ‘the others joined the bad guys’, we should have been able to recruit or engage with both sides.

If the Breach was supposed to symbolize the vast extent to which the world was out of balance, we should have needed to bring both elements that broke it back together again to fix it.

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Rachel Bilson defending Hayden from haters in 2008

Do you think Christensen deserved the slamming he got for his performances in the Star Wars prequels?

Bilson: He’s an amazing guy and a fantastic actor. In those Star Wars movies I thought other people-people who are successful and Oscar-nominated-came off looking much worse than he did. But he caught a lot of shit, which really made me mad. Darth Vader is the most famous villain of all time, and even Leonardo DiCaprio wouldn’t have done a better job in that role. I’m sorry. I thought Hayden did a great job, and I’ll stand by that.

So we’re safe in assuming you and Christensen are now a couple?

Bilson: No. I’ve never talked about it before, and there aren’t many things you can keep private. I will say that I’m happy. I feel I’m in a good place. Hayden has this whole perception around him because of stupid people. I hope Jumper does for him what he deserves. He was fantastic in Shattered Glass, and he deserves recognition.

I am forgetful, like most writers usually are. I can never remember when my assignments are due or what I need to get from the store. But I will always remember the way you laughed, how I was thinking the first time I heard it that I would do anything to hear that sound for the rest of my life. I will remember the freckles on your nose and the way you always play with your hair. As I writer I tend to forget the unimportant things, but always remember the important ones.
—  4am

I always keep wondering where we did wrong. I remember we were so happy and we were always there for each other. What happened to those late night conversations? What happened to those days when we were so in love with each other? What happened to our plans? What happened to the promises that me made? You told me that you truly love me but what happened to our love? Well maybe love isn’t always enough. I find myself moving on and you finding someone new. And I’ll never forget you. I’ll always love you just not in the same way anymore. You hurt me, are you happy now?

I just feel like blurry face is all about over coming fears and finding happiness. To hell with the whole mysterious blurry face thing. If blurry face were to mean something, it’s message would probably be to sugar coat or parallel the album by means of being all mysterious. Maybe blurry face is just one of us, confused and lost and terrified and even stressed out. But then someone or something comes along and shows our friend blurry face what happiness is. Maybe blurry face is Tyler, or Josh, or you, or even all of us. Maybe blurry face is the entirety “entity” that was once sadness and now happiness.

I’m always itching to go out on long walks at 2am. I think it’s because I know the world is calling my name, begging me to come and explore its furthest corners and deepest crevices. My legs are listening, and they’re yearning towards that steep mountain, that grassy valley. I think I can never sleep because my mind is constantly whirring in the silence of the night and it’s so loud the entire house shakes. My brain forms fabricated images of people I’ve never met and places I’ve never been, yet I’m convinced that those people actually exist and those places actually look that beautiful and oh god I need to go there right now what am I waiting for?! My legs and my mind are best friends seeking adventure, but the rest of my body is realistic and knows that I have no choice but to stay where I am for the time being. My insides are constantly fighting a battle with one another and maybe that’s why I’m so tired all the time. So tired of driving the same roads and walking the same paths and seeing the same damn buildings over and over and over. Yet when it comes time to rest? Nothing. So why is it, that in the lonely hours of the night, I don’t feel tired, I feel lost? Maybe it’s because I am lost, I haven’t been able to find myself, not really. Because in order to find something, you first have to go out there and look. But instead of traversing across the globe as I’d like, I’m lying in bed, staring into the darkness, listening to the machine in my head endlessly hum.
—  It’s 12:19am and I’m restless again

So wide awake right now and my whole family and my sister’s boyfriend have been asleep since like 8:30 and I’m like ?????? what the hell i’m layin here contemplatin life thinking about the race like I’m still in it like HOW R YA’LL SLEEPIN

also every part of my body hurts so bad lol I wanna cry and eat carrots I think I’m hungry that’s why I can’t sleep

also I think about this all the time like there’s no way anyone is ever gonna love me more than I love them??? like in relationships and friendships or anything im always like ALL IN and most people aren’t like that or are freaked out by that and it’s sad and knowing like.. no one is gonna feel like that about me like I love the people in my life so much like if we’re close I probably tell my family about you and talk about you to my other friends and idk I’m just having a life crisis in my hotel room rn like will anyone ever love me the same way I love them nope probably not