People don’t understand why I always tend to push them away. But I don’t do it on purpose - it just happens. As long as I can remember I’ve only had bad feelings about life. I always felt as if I didn’t have long left on earth but I’m still here. And yet I keep on pushing people away because I don’t want them close. They can’t know me as I really am. No one can - not even me. I’m not good enough to be here and to be honest.. I’m not sure I still don’t hope for the easy way out of everything. I don’t know what to do anymore. Have I ever? All I want to do is sleep. Forever. The thought. The feelings. I have no idea how to handle it. I feel for people but I never express it. I don’t know how! Yesterday my friend came back to class during recess - and she had cried. I love her and she’s one of my best friends but I had no idea what to say or do so I ignored her and kept on playing Tetris Battle. After a little while - seconds or few minutes - I then offered her a soda. She said she’d like one so I told her they were in my bag and she had to get it herself because I was playing. I really wanted her to feel better but I just didn’t know how - and I still don’t. SO basically. I JUST DON’T KNOW.




Theme of the day xDD’ 

Photo NOT made by me. But it is extremly scary. Happens to me a lot. And I mean a lot. Freaks me out EVERYTIME. 

A few days ago it happened. I was hallucinating that my contant person (a man that I speak to once a week about my life and stuf…i don’t feel comfortable around him at all) was trying to rape me.

And he’s coming to my house today. I AM SO SCARED.