i can’t even say what i’m feeling. i want to disappear. i want a new place. i want a new life. i want to forget about my past. i want to move on. i want so many things. i want to stop being like this. i’m just.. tired. i’m tired of everything. of everyone. i’m tired of my life. i want to be normal. that’s all. i want to have dreams, not nightmares. i want to have hope, and not feel hopeless. i want to feel alive, and not dead. this isn’t fair. i’m just a teenager. when did life became so hard? i’m too young to be so fucked up like this. i want to be normal.

i just need something to hold onto. i just need someone to tell me something that it’s worth living for. like i said, i feel so dead inside. it’s like, i have no soul. i couldn’t care less about anything. is this being selfish? i guess, maybe it is a little bit. but, yeah..  i know i have nice people that actually cares, and are always trying to help me. yes, i feel a little bit of guilt. but, i feel like, i have no reason at all to keep going. i’m really just done.

sometimes, you just get tired of everything, you know? this past few months, i’ve been telling myself to be strong,to forget about the problems. to just, smile. but it’s so exhausting. i’ve been smiling, when all i want to do is cry. i can’t show any of my emotions. i just can’t… i’m completely empty inside. i’m dead. i’ve been stressed, so fucking stressed. i wanted to hurt myself, and, i almost did it. i haven’t felt like this for a while. i lost control of my body. i was just lost. i’m scared again. i feel like cutting again. but i don’t want to go back the way thing were a few months ago. i need someone to talk to. i’m lost again, and i need help.

people gotta be really fucked up to tell you “there are people going through a lot worse than you have been” is that some fucking way of helping someone? making them feel more like shit, because their problems aren’t really problems compared to the others? well, thank you then. i feel like shit. but, seriously. don’t ever, ever, listen to people like this. if you ever need to talk, i’m here. i will try my best to understand. doesn’t matter if its the silliest problem, i’ll try to help. i love you guys.

No, she’s not okay. She’s crying inside. and every fake smile is killing her. She wakes up tired. She doesn’t want to pretend anymore. So, she’ll stand in front of the mirror. She’ll smile. Her scars, she hides. She’ll act like everything is ok. She’ll go through another day, smiling, joking, but when she goes to sleep tonight, she’ll just break down. She’ll hurt herself, she’ll cry herself to sleep. But she’s so good at pretending, that the next morning, noone will notice.