Candid photo of me at the house before heading to Coachella.

I’m really interested in everything around me, I really am. I just have a disiniterested face… people tell me I always look like this and I thought they were kidding hahaha Well now there is photo evidence. 

So much fucking beer and well…. alcohol in general. Literally woke up drank, slept drank, coachella drank, sat drank, dance drank….

Personal.

So during art, I was studying for a test next period when I started getting a headache. I decided I would go to the nurse’s office to get some medicine because I couldn’t go home. However, I ended up staying there for an hour.

She told me why I might be getting them and stuff and was trying to help out, but at first, I thought she was a bitch.

But since I was there, I decided to ask her some questions concerning my nausea from eating (small portions, but more throughout the day) and how I gain and lose weight really easily. She started looking at me wide-eyed and flipped back my hair to look at my collarbones and my throat. She told me I was very skinny. She then took my hands and saw how sweaty they get. She then made me close my eyes and put my arms out and rested a paper on my hands and saw how my hands were shaking. She saw my weight was 105 (I gained weight, I was 96 last year), but I had also grown an inch to 5”6’. She told me I was underweight by 25 pounds. Apparently, I should be 130 pounds. 

She thinks I have Hypothyroidism.

I started crying. I didn’t know what to say. But then she got on a personal level and told me how she suffered from it most of her life and how she was only 87 pounds at age 14 and would be bullied constantly from it. They would tell her that her bus stop was at the cemetery because “skeletons” belong there and not in a house. And I kept crying because I went through the exact same thing as a kid too. So much torment for something I had no control over. Fucking worse years of my life, having being told I’m anorexic, when I’m not. But apparently Hyperthyroidism is when you give off more energy than your food intake, even when you eat a lot and that’s why I lose the weight so easily. I got so scared, but she was telling me how I can always come talk to her about it and that she is a friend and that honestly made my day. But she said that I need to see a doctor right away.

I told my mom and she got scared too. I then got mad at her because I have been telling her for months that I want to see a doctor and see what’s wrong with me and she never would. But now, I have to make an appointment for this Monday to see if I really do have it. If I do, It would explain a lot. If I don’t, I might have something called reflux. I don’t know much about that though.

I’m thrown off guys. I had no idea that things like this added up to something. My mind is so boggled right now.

Just finished watching a movie by myself at 1:30 in the morning. And you know that feeling when you are sitting there and are happy for the people in the movie because they got all they wanted? I felt that. But does anyone else ever feel like after they walk away from the couch that that feeling is unreal and that you will never get to feel it?

Because I am so scared that I will forever be stuck on this mindset.

Soooo passed few weeks:

-Finished a v3+ I’ve been working forever. kept getting stuck on the first move, but after that the problem was long gone. But it’s the funniest feeling in the world when a bunch of veteran climbers are trying to figure out how in the hell you finished a problem when they are getting stuck at a part you breezed through. Apparently sloper two finger pocket holds are easy for me to do than others.

-Finished a v4 stemming problem. Such a beautiful problem, it’s one of my favorites.

-Finished another v4in the same day. Halfway through the problem, you have to drop down onto a hold and try not to barn door around the corner, and I finally got it. I was so fucking happy.

-Working this v4+ crimp problem for the longest time. Every fucking hold is such a bitch and it just mutilates your finger tips. This one will be sent within a week, I know it.

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