So I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to say to you guys for weeks now. I’ve bounced a lot of things around in my head… Keep it short and sweet? Get all touchy feely? Make em cry? (kidding.)
Well, here I am, totally winging it. Actually, I don’t know if this is the best idea, but here goes nothing.
So what is this post about? In a nutshell, I just want to thank you all. A simple “Thank you” really isn’t enough, but I have to say it regardless. Both of my YouTube channels passed 16,000 subscribers within the past week, and maybe it’s just me, but I seem to be getting a lot more love than usual lol. And not just on YT either. Instagram, Twitter, here on my blog, you guys have been so unbelieveably supportive and kind. I truly appreciate all your messages, comments, tweets, etc. Even if I can’t reply, I do at least read them all. They honestly make my day. The fact that you guys are comfortable talking to me, a complete stranger, and sharing with me, asking for my advice, sending love my way; is such a strange phenomenon, and I’m so grateful.
What I think a lot of people don’t understand about being a part-time “YouTuber” is that for me at least, YT functions as this alternate world. I’ve said before that sometimes YT Katie is almost like my alter ego. I can be whoever I want to be, portray myself however I’d like, reveal and conceal whatever I’m comfortable with. My internet world is really the only thing in my life that I feel like I have full control over. That’s not to say that I’m not being myself on camera, more like I’m being the best version of me, the me I’d like to be.
And that makes it that much nicer to hear that you guys enjoy the content I produce. It makes me so happy to know that I make some of you laugh and smile. I love to hear that I helped you feel better, whether it was about yourself or about going off to college, I’m just glad I can help.
Something I think people forget sometimes is that I’m just your average 22 year-old. I don’t have my life figured out. I don’t know everything. I don’t have all the answers. I’m just like you.
That being said, some of you already know this hasn’t been the easiest year for me. 2013 ended pretty terribly actually, and it didn’t really get any better. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of amazing opportunities have come my way (um 17 MAGAZINE!), but apart from that it’s been tough. Most of you know I haven’t graduated yet. That alone elicits a lot of its own issues. Feelings of failure, anxiety, frustration. Fun stuff like that. I got hit hard with a lot of unfortunate, unavoidable situations this year that completely blindsided me. I’ve never been so stressed out. I was so drained and so annoyingly unmotivated. And then for a while, my computer was broken, so I couldn’t make videos for you guys, which made me feel even more lost than before. Then it was fixed, but I got bombarded by more hate than I’d ever received. Most of them were dumb, generic comments, riddled with grammatical errors I might add, but it got to the point where I really started to question why the heck I even bothered.
I’ve been making videos for over 4 years now, been blogging for about 3 years, social media-ing it up for about 3 years as well. When you dedicate that much time to something, you’re bound to hit a rough patch. I hit mine this year. For a solid two months I was truly considering quitting. I always told myself that once it started to feel like work, I had to stop. What’s the point in putting so much time and effort into something that doesn’t seem to give anything back? “Get a real job,” is a phrase I am all too familiar with. When filming felt like a nuisance and editing felt like a chore, I knew something had to change. Right now I’m still trying to figure out how to manage my channels and school and my new internship and everything else. I still don’t feel like I’m 100% back in the game, but like I said, I don’t have all the answers, but I’m trying.
HOWEVER. You guys have made me feel SO much better. Whenever I feel like all this isn’t worth it, I get a comment telling me my videos are awesome or that my makeup is on point lol. Little things like that have big effects.
So again, thank you. In all honesty, you guys are probably the most supportive and encouraging people in my life right now. You really don’t know how much you mean to me and how much you’ve helped. Thank you for accepting my awkward, sarcastic, asocial self. Love you all.
…aka thekatizzzle/katizzzletalks :)