The Final Word

On the mistake. 

I can’t do anything more to prove that I am sincere about my apology. I am not asking for forgiveness from anyone. But doubting my sincerity is another matter. Sometimes I think certain people don’t want me to be sincere because that gives them less cause to send me hate. I took a mistake I made that only a few thousand people were aware of and I shined a light on it to 400,000 people. Why the hell would I bring more attention to it if I wasn’t sincerely sorry for what I had done? Beyond that, I can give no other proof than my word. 

Another big criticism is that I mentioned my poor health in my apology. People thought I was using that to excuse my words and behavior. This is incorrect. I explicitly stated that my poor health was no excuse for what I said. 

The reason I brought up my poor health was to explain why I made the poor choice to delete the comments and try to hide them. I panicked and feared the consequences—as I wasn’t sure I was mentally or physically able to take them on at the moment. Again, you only have my word on this, but if I had been feeling better I would have apologized immediately and publicly. I have always done so in the past. 

So I will say in big capital letters…

THERE WAS NO EXCUSE FOR WHAT I SAID. IT WAS WRONG NO MATTER WHAT MY HEALTH STATUS WAS AT THAT MOMENT. I FUCKED UP AND VICTIM BLAMING IS NEVER OKAY. I AM VERY SORRY.

If you have never said something ignorant in the heat of a moment that you didn’t mean, then I suppose you can cast your stones. But the perpetual torrent of hate telling me I am a victim blamer is just inaccurate.

I went bowling once. That doesn’t mean I am a bowler. I victim blamed once. That doesn’t mean I am a victim blamer.

If you want to tell me the thing I did was shitty—feel free. That is a consequence I am completely willing to accept. But if you are going to continue to accuse me of being a serial victim blamer and rape apologist… it is just not true and we’re gonna block you. 

To the subreddit r/tumblrinaction

Around the time I received most of the death threats, rape threats, suicide suggestions, and threats to my dog— I also had about 6,000 referral visits from your group. There were very few visits from anywhere else during that period of time. It won’t hold up in court, but that really does make it seem like some folks from TIA might have been responsible. I’m not saying the entire group… I’m just saying that it seems likely that individuals in your group were responsible for at least some of those messages. 

When I mentioned this was happening, some of you did not believe I was receiving these threats. One person even jokingly said [citation needed]. I’m afraid I can’t help you there. Firstly, because those messages get blocked immediately. Secondly, even if I did screencap them, I am an advanced photoshop user and could easily fake these messages, so I doubt that would really be very convincing either.

The messages happened. They were scary and disturbing. I don’t care how awful you think I am, I would hope that most of you don’t condone this and I would appreciate it if you condemned this behavior. 

On blocking and “censorship.”

Some are saying that I am censoring them because I have blocked a great deal of people. Gab has actually been filtering my tumblr inbox and using their best judgment of who to block. This is their explanation of that. If you are mostly civil and make your point without a torrent of insults, you typically won’t get blocked. But if you keep spamming the same messages over and over or are vitriolic, you will get blocked. I feel I have the right to do that. 

I am in charge of the disqus comments on my blog. If you use slurs, if you are insulting to other users, or if you are just incredibly mean and add nothing but hate to the conversation, I will blacklist you. I am not censoring people just because they disagree with me. In fact, if you are mostly civil, I will almost always leave your comment untouched. 

If a thread descends into just hate and name calling and no meaningful discussion is happening—I will close the thread. This is not censorship, this is moderation. I have a right to remove anything that I don’t want on my blog. So if you want to vehemently disagree with me in a comment, keep it civil and it will not be removed. Also, if you want to try and defend men, choosing the username “IHateFatChicks” is pretty much going to make anything you say irrelevant and not helping your cause. 

The End

This is the last I am going to talk about this particular situation. I’m sorry if people are sick of hearing about stuff like this.

For the time being I am going to focus on my health and try to get back on my feet. I am currently very sick. My CFS and Narcolepsy have gotten very severe and nothing I do seems to be helping. I may have to see doctors and try scary medications. I could have bad reactions and I predict some very rough days ahead.

Gab is going to be managing most of the blog duties. I still choose all the content, but everything else, including responding to messages will be done by them.

Corg Life will continue as normal, but I don’t know if I can do Animal Facts with my current energy level.

One piece of good news is that my back hole is getting very small. I’d say it will be just a cool scar in another month or so. I have updated pictures that I will post soon.

Sorry for the wall of text. I am going to rest now. I hope you all have a lovely day. 

So today I was looking at thefrogman's blog, and I thought to myself 'this is fucking hilarious; I need to show this to my pet hamster'.

So I got him out of his cage and showed him the screen and clearly he enjoyed it because he proceeded to pee all over my hand and keyboard.

Frogman, you owe me a new laptop.

Over this weekend, while dodging homework and downloading Oblivion, I drew a picture of a blogger here on Tumblr. Some of you may know Frogman, I believe his blog has become a big one. (Congratulations by the way!) But what inspired me to draw him was that he was one of my first exposure to bloggers on Tumblr. I remember one of the first I saw. This picture of a guy, laying on a couch, looking mildly disheveled with a story about his health struggles. It was neither the heroic survival story or one of tragic struggle. It was simply a post about how things were. It lacked hyperbole, dramatization, and pretense. It was fantastic. 

Since then, I’ve made efforts to look for other bloggers who write about their lives in a real, direct, day-to-day way that gives you a little glimpse of what it might actually feel like to be them. 

So thanks Frogman. And thank you to the loads of other amazing bloggers out there whose pages I read whenever I get the chance.

Yesterday was my 3 year tumblr anniversary. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, but I’ve been able to shave my beard and regrow it several times since I started this. 

My tumblr beginnings are bittersweet for me to think about. At the time I was dealing with the fact that I had an illness that would prevent me from achieving many of my dreams. I could not leave my house. I had to spend much of the day in bed. My desire to entertain was strong, but my energy was limited. I couldn’t perform stand up for a live audience anymore, so I thought I might try entertaining a virtual one.

I had a giant master plan. It was a year in the making. It was to be a grand comedy website. It had fancy graphics with glowing rollover buttons and an icon for everything. But I never felt I was ready to show it to the world. The project had become so massive that I could not finish it. 

I met a fellow by the name of Tru McGowan. We met on a site dedicated to gadget geekery and became fast friends. Through a small chat box we cultivated one of the best friendships I’ve ever had. When my energy was lacking, he inspired me. When my mood was desperate, he lifted my spirits. 

I was telling him my frustrations about this bloated comedy website I couldn’t seem to finish. I expressed how I was desperate to start creating content. He told me I should start a tumblr. I was resistant to the idea at first, but he said it could be a temporary place to share my creations while I finished my “real” site. I’m pretty sure he knew at the time if I started a tumblr, I wouldn’t need any other site. 

Things moved slow at first. I’m pretty sure I had amassed a dazzling 8 followers in my first few weeks. I began posting my jokes along with funny things I found on the web. Looking back… it was pretty awful. But Tru continued to encourage me and I soon got the hang of it. I had 30 followers. Then 40. I’m pretty sure I did a happy dance when I hit 50. I had entered this community and was accepted with open arms. As each day passed, I thought less and less of my “real” comedy website. 

Tru started mentioning that he was having heart problems. He didn’t make a big deal of it. He talked about wearing some kind of monitor on his chest. He was only 24, and he didn’t seem worried, so I didn’t really think it could be serious. But that was not the case. It was very serious. His heart was sick… and he died. 

I tried to continue on for a while. But the sadness kept eating at me. Nothing was funny anymore. I stopped posting. And if you look at my archives, the month of September 2009 has nothing in it. I had never experienced loss like this before. I thought the best way to handle it was to curl up in a ball and shut myself off from the world.

That plan was ill-conceived.

I started to think about what Tru would say if he saw me giving up like that. He would have been pissed. I had this crazy dream to dominate the internet and entertain the masses. At the time he was the only one who really thought I could do it. He would be so disappointed in me if I let his death keep me from trying. I had to continue what I started. 

I began posting again. Creating things. Growing my audience by leaps and bounds. I got my first post with 100 notes. Back then that was like a million. I broke 300 followers. My tumblarity was through the roof. Big websites started to notice me. They started posting my stuff. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any more ridiculous, amazing things just kept happening. I got interviewed by an Australian radio station. I made the front page of Digg back when it didn’t suck. I made the front page of reddit back when they had less jerks. One day, Steve Martin stopped by my blog and left a comment. And earlier this year I surpassed 100,000 followers. In the month of December, 1.5 million people stopped by my blog.

Tru McGowan tricked me into launching my big comedy website and I didn’t even know it.

There are so many things I am grateful for. My followers, my fans, my friends. This community has allowed me to fulfill my purpose. To entertain the masses. Thank you all for sticking with me these three years.

That is my tumblr story. 

Thanks Tru.

Text
Photo
Quote
Link
Chat
Audio
Video