OBI-WAN FEELS ARE THE JUICIEST MOST AWFUL MOST SATISFYINGLY WEEPWORTHY FEELS
*ahem* Okay, so here’s the thing - I can recommend a bunch of Ewan stuff I like, but I sense more what you might be asking is stuff where he has a happy ending and I’m afraid that shit is rarer than frankincense and myrrh. I also haven’t yet watched everything he’s been in, because I have come to realize that the critics who tend to go “He had a rough patch mid-career” are totally right. There’s a lot of shite in his filmography, tbh. HOWEVER, here we go:
Good Stuff and Happy Endings:
- Big Fish - adorable all the way through despite Tim Burton Weirdness.
- Jack the Giant Slayer - not as terrible a film as you are expecting, plus THAT HAIR.
- Salmon Fishing in the Yemen - one of the few good roles he’s had where he’s actually a normal person. Excellent British romcom stuff.
- The Men Who Stare At Goats - unexpectedly hilarious comedy. Watch for Ewan being cutely out of his depth, like it in the end more for George Clooney and Jeff Bridges having a ball.
- Long Way Round and Long Way Down - Everything Ewan All The Time. Plus motorbikes. Such good stuff. Nearly twenty hours of it!
- Not worth finding to watch because he’s only in it for thirty seconds but go watch this gifset of him in Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang and be happy!
Good Stuff But You Will Want to Tear Your Heart Out:
- Moulin Rouge - ughhhh. UGHHHHHH. He sings. He dances. He falls apart. Everything falls apart. It’s glorious.
- I Love You Philip Morris - yeah sure, Ewan, go ahead and snog Jim Carrey in a prison cell and drawl cute things in that fake-ass southern belle accent of yours, I wasn’t using my heart anyway.
- Perfect Sense - creepy, lovely, superficial but necessarily profound. Ewan + Eva Green = hot, too.
- The Impossible - this film has a whole host of well-documented issues, but when it comes to Ewan’s role it’s a pretty perfect fit for all your “hurt your faves” needs.
‘Eh,’ But He’s Pretty
- Beginners - self-indulgent hipster wankery of the highest order, tbh. But it’s worth it to see him dancing with Christopher Plummer and generally being adorable.
- The Ghost Writer - really annoying film, actually, made worse by the fact that you’re very aware you’re watching something by Roman Polanski; saving grace is that Ewan’s character is on screen for 99% of it and trying to do the right thing.
Honorable Mentions (i.e. He Takes His Clothes Off):
- Velvet Goldmine - ALL the nekkid. So much nekkid. So much yum. Skip through most of the rest of it, though.
- Young Adam - simple guilty pleasure, this. He has lots of sex but the film itself creeps you the fuck out.
- The Pillow Book - I CAN’T EVEN NO NO NO but see above. In glorious style. Though he also looks about 19 which is a bit weird.
- Scenes of a Sexual Nature - actually he didn’t get naked in this one (he so could have done, MR. DIRECTOR Y U FAIL US) but his scenes - it’s a compilation film like Love Actually - are pretty goshdarn cute.
- Angels and Demons - totally doesn’t take his clothes off, and he comes to a sticky end. Also gets to be a huge fucking hero, however, for approximately five minutes.