so for those of u who don’t know i work for disney online studios as a support rep for all the disney games and apps

and one of the games i support is club penguin

and i just wanted to share this gem of an email just got

Hi. I am 17 and extremely bored and doing nothing with my life. I need your help. My penguin has been deleted due to inactivity and I cannot deal with the loss of most of my childhood like this. CP was my life. I wasted hundreds of my parents’ dollars on memberships, and hundreds of hours on my life. I know this is pathetic but I am begging you, I need that club penguin account back.

P.S. if you can’t I’m going to summon Walt Disney himself from the afterlife and show him what a disgrace his company is because come on what did I do to deserve this


Ben Schwartz: Second Chances with Donald Faulter

Welcome back to Second Chances with Donald Faulter (Ben Schwartz), the show in which you can reach those in the afterlife including loved ones, historical figures, and celebrities. On the 1000th episode, Donald is joined by yogurt contest winner and famous acrobat Salmy McFurft all the way from India. Salmy gets closure as she communicates with her grandmother, father, and Bea Arthur. Plus, Traci Reardon finally gets to ask her grandmother a very important question as well as offer her advice to Twitter followers in her recurring segment, “Help Me, Rhonda.”

anonymous asked:

Do you have any prompts for waking up in the afterlife?

Hello there anon! Try these out:

  • He smelt where he was before he saw it. The smoke and brimstone really gave it away.
  • “Welcome to the Office of The Afterlife. Here, we decide what your eternal fate is going to be, no refunds or takebacks.”

Hope those help you out!


The year is 2039. Still no western release date announced for Fire Emblem If. The children are crying. Our grandchildren will never know joy. We are still waiting. Waiting for the sweet release of death. Hoping that in the afterlife the game is released. 

Whenever people start discussing the concept of death/an afterlife, some asshole ALWAYS chimes in with “well, do you remember anything from before you were born? It’s like that.“
I don’t fucking remember anything that happened the day after I was born, if being dead is like being a dumbass baby who only cares about sleeping and eating, there’s nothing to be afraid of.

Send me one and I’ll write a drabble with our characters.

- “We’re okay”

- “You or the child will survive. Not both.”

- “I just wanted to say I really like you.”

- “Please don’t shut me out!”

- “Can you forgive me?”

- “You monster!”

- “Kill me first.”

- “Tell me what you are.”

- “How could you hide that from me?”

- “Hey [person], want to go to the park?”

- “Do… do you believe in the afterlife?”

- “I don’t want to die.”

- “Please, don’t hurt me.”

- “I thought you were different.”

- “Is that my underwear…?”

- “Why are you in my house.”

- “[Person] would you like some tea?”

- “What brings you to [place of living]?”

- “You’re pathetic. A disgrace.”

- “How could anyone love a monster?”

- “I hope you die… by my hand.”

So I couldn’t find a prompt thing for writing that I liked; So I just made a quick drabble of the first things that came to mind. Feel free to use it. I just feel like writing something.]

i dont feel like fucking with her followers and stans today but i honestlu musy say im so pissed off so many people have done these goddamn spirit summoning dsres because of sickpickle

you only like the idea of an afterlife when it serves to be ~spoopy~, dont'cha

anonymous asked:

Dear Grey, in theory, why on earth would a group like StarClan give a cat like Tigerstar, or similar massively obvious evil character, their nine lives? Doesn't that go against everything StarClan stands for and all?

Dear Ruddles,

Canon Starclan makes absolutely no sense. That’s the short answer. It wasn’t well-planned or thoroughly thought-out, and as a result, a lot of the shit Starclan does just doesn’t add up.

Erin Hunter sort of makes things up as they go along, especially about Starclan. It’s obviously they don’t have a clear, consistent idea of what sort of abilities Starclan has (it alters so much throughout the books), and they certainly haven’t set out any kind of moral expectations or rules about how the afterlife works and who is allowed to go there.

So there’s no way to rationalise the actions of canon Starclan, because they’re essentially irrational. They can do whatever Erin Hunter thinks is useful or entertaining as a plot-point, and they can’t do whatever would make the story solved too easily. 

Tigerclaw becomes Tigerstar and receives nine lives because that worked for Erin Hunter. It was cool, it made him the Biggest Bad (right up until Scourge). 

It doesn’t go against everything Starclan stands for because Starclan stands for nothing. It has no moral guidelines (which I can’t stress enough, because that is so weird for a religion), and despite being the clan’s focal point re: spiritual beliefs, there really aren’t a whole lot of reasons why the clans believe/have faith in Starclan and there’s very little indication of what the clans’ main tenets of belief actually are. 

In fairness, Warriors is a children’s series, and the nitty-gritty details of religion are perhaps not what most kids are interested in when they pick up a book about cats fighting each other in a forest. However, I still think it’s pretty lazy writing not to at least decide what Starclan’s boundaries and rules are. Choosing not to do that undermines a lot of the narrative, like in the example you gave, and I for one always feel disappointed when I discover the reason behind some decision was “lol no reason at all”. 

I typically enjoy meta discussions a lot, but Erin Hunter’s general lack of world-building sort of makes Warriors ones feel empty and meaningless compared to most other novels. But perhaps that’s just me.

One of the most hilarious things I ever read is how old Robert Owen, one of the founders of utopian socialism, apparently wrote to Queen Victoria about how her father, who was interested in his experiments at New Lanark, appeared in his dreams and told him that everyone is equal in the afterlife.

Xi’an - Day 2

I woke up Sunday and headed down to the gym to do the NTC workout I’d skipped the night before (the food was sitting a little too heavy in my belly for me to consider a workout) only to find out that the gym did not open at 6am as I had hoped.  I made do without weights and did the workout on a towel on the floor of my hotel.  Afterward I got ready, had breakfast, and headed downstairs to await the arrival of my tour bus.  My guide was already there and she told me we had a “small group” today – apparently I was the only one to sign up for the tour!  While I had been excited for the camaraderie of some tour mates, I didn’t hate the idea of a private tour.

The Terracotta Warrior museum is located about 1hour outside of Xi'an.   These warriors are from the Qin dynasty.  The emperor believed that he would need an army in his afterlife and started having his tomb constructed at the age of 14 before he even took the throne.  There are 3 “pens” in which you can view the warriors.  These 3 pens house approximately 8,000 warriors but the crazy thing is that this is only the “eastern” group of warriors. Archeologists believe that there are 3 more sets of warriors located North, South, and West of the tomb.   

What I also didn’t know was that almost every single warrior was broken to pieces when the tomb was attacked by farmers.  The warriors that we see have been put back together by the archaeologists.  I can’t even imagine the kind of patience needed for that job.

There is one warrior, a kneeling archer, that was discovered in one piece. They call him “the lucky one”.  You can see in the pictures the detail in the clay as well as the remainder of the original paint.  Apparently all the warriors were once vividly painted in red, white, yellow, blue, and green but most of the colors have faded.

I also found out that after being reassembled, the soldiers were being put back in their approximate locations that they were originally placed in.  Here are a couple interesting pictures from Pen #3. A lot of the warriors are missing heads because they didn’t have time to finish them before the emperor died.  

After I’d seen enough of the warriors, we headed to lunch.  Lunch on these tours has been in random locations and this one was no exception.  We ended up at a “farmer’s house” where the cutest little old woman served us cold noodles (another item checked off the list!), zucchini, fried peppers, potato strings, rice, and bean sprouts.  I think they had planned on serving pork but I told them a little late in the game that I didn’t eat pork which resulted in a vegetarian meal that I was perfectly happy with.

After lunch we headed to the next stop of the tour which was the Huiqing Aegean Hot Spring Spa.  Aside from this being a natural hot spring, there is nothing really historic about this place.  I figured this would be a fun change of pace…and it was!   I wasn’t sure what to expect and the English words on the signs weren’t very helpful so I just sat in the different pools of water and let them do whatever good things they’re supposed to do.

While most of the pools ranged from 38-40 degrees Celsius I did make my way into one pool that was only 32 degrees Celsius and was enjoying the cool water until something nipped at my foot.  I jumped but then saw it was just a little fish.  Then all of a sudden there were lots of little fish all nibbling at my feet.  Apparently I’d found one of those pools with the fish that bite off your dead skin.  While it was initially very uncomfortable and I was convinced at any moment I was going to lose a toe to a baby piranha hidden somewhere in the bunch, I eventually relaxed and enjoyed this weird experience.  I wish I could have taken some pictures but it was a no photography zone.

Since it was just me and my tour guide we eventually chatted about things other than the history of Xi'an and I found that she is planning on traveling to Turkey this summer.  We exchanged email addresses and I promised to send her some recommendations.  I think she took a liking to me because she helped me to plan out the rest of my evening (which only included the Big Wild Goose Pagoda and more food) and even offered to have the driver drop me off a the pagoda!!  She also explained that the metro stop I’d been looking for hadn’t actually been built yet  (apparently there are only 2 lines for the metro so far) but there was one 20 minutes away that would get me to the Muslim Street.

I’m happy that I hadn’t given up entirely on the BWGP because it ended up being one of my favorite sites.   

My tour guide had said there was really no reason to go all the way to the top but she doesn’t know of my love to see cities from the highest points possible.  It was totally worth the extra 30RMB (approximately $5) to get to the top.


These nightmarish entities float in silence waiting to absorb the souls of the recently deceased.

Though they may seem terrifying, they mean no harm, and only wish to serve as assistants to crossing over humans to the afterlife. 




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