[this doesn’t actually contain any character death, for one. but it’s angsty as hell bc ep 32 happened. carmilla, hollstein. carmilla is painfully self-sacrificing & i love her so here have a drabble of her painful interiority.]
who was ever being born to such calamity (all the heroes are dead)
when someone asks what it means to ‘die for love’/ point here
—rumi, ‘like this’
You’d forgotten, which seems amazing now that it’s hit you again, how much it hurt. Not even strictly physically, although there was that too, and you suppose everything is physical: but your broken bones didn’t compare to this very tangible stabbing sensation in your chest, this churn in your stomach. Your hands tingled and stung, even around your cracked and bloodied knuckles, the loose teeth that bit like glass in your mouth.
But you remember, now, in that moment when your mother in Laura’s body brushes aside your bangs, those stupid bangs you’d gotten just before you’d come back to Silas, to spite your mother, to make sure all of those girls you kissed could never look into your eyes.