that's right

Scarves are good for catching food during mealtime, and also for disguising double chins from unflattering photo angles, though they can’t do anything about deep forehead wrinkles or tired eyes…but whatever because it’s Friday and this is how my unfiltered face looks. 

Kiss my face or kiss my ass? Is that a saying? If not it is now.

The one time I sit down and actually make a start on my long overdue essay on why all these colleges should accept me, you decide to join me. What is it? Are you offering your assistance because that would be much appreciated but it’d also mean you have to pay me compliments, or in some cases insults. Tell me, what features do I have that make me stand out among all the other applicants? Be honest.