I have recently decided that for 2015, I pledge to put in more effort into my social life. I think it’s very easy for people my age (or people like me) to be so engrossed in our so-called “careers” that I have forgotten what it’s like to have Friday night plans and a Sunday brunch date. Since I started working 3-4 years ago, I have been in a constant state of flurry, rushing for deadlines, meetings, stress, more stress, learning how to multitask, learning how to wake up early, go to work, and then still do shit after work (took me 2 years to get to that stage) and learning how to keep my apartment clean AND work at the same time (the first year I worked I was always so tired after that my house looked like a tornado just swept through cause I didnt have time to clean. Then I discovered part time cleaners thank god) I have to say, first time working + living on your own, being completely financially independent, wasn’t easy. I knew I didn’t want to be one of those girls who would wait for a man to swoop by and save them (and pay for them) or live with my parents so they would pay for astro, internet, prepare dinner for me etc. so I decided to be the best that I can be, concentrate on getting my shit together, and date when i’m ready. So now I am ready. After 3 ½ gruelling years of constant work and staying away from boys, I entered the dating scene.
Obviously, like any other woman from my generation, I signed up for Tinder and Okcupid. Where else am I going to meet boys? Everyone I knew was paired up, I didn’t know any single eligible boys to date, and I basically knew almost everyone in KL (it’s a small town) So, I set my sights to start dating. I was open to dating all sorts of men. Any race, any religion – as long as they looked good + had a brain + respectful of people. Ha ha ha. Little did I know, these 3 traits are the rarest of them all. Swiping left on Tinder became my favorite pasttime. I am sorry, perhaps i’m just shallow. I do admit that I am. I cannot help it, I like looking at pretty things. Just like how most guys want to date hot chicks, I want to date hot dudes. Sadly, there arent many hot dudes in KL. Most dudes expect to date hot chicks, but most of them forgot to look in the mirror to see if they deserve it. To me, if I can freakin graduate, get a job, live in my own hse, pay for my car AND look good, there is no reason the guy im dating can’t do that too. Unfortunately, most of the guys I meet, still live with their mamas, still have things prepared for them, and are basically still little boys. I guess if you’re in US or UK it’s something people frown upon but in Malaysia, its completely normal. I don’t really like it. I feel as though I am more independent than them and by me dating them, I will have to take care of them. Which is yucks cause I want a partner not a child. So that cancels out a bajillion guys.
And then of course, there is the fact that I am not the hottest girl around. Malaysia has TONSSSS of pretty pretty girls, and women here put a shitload of effort into their looks. WAAAAY more than me, so I totally lose out in that department. Based on my research on other girls on Tinder, my profile is pretty tame and boring. I don’t have any climbing mountain yoga fitness bikini sexy pics, so who the hell cares about me? And guys are simple visual creatures, if you look good, you’re in! And then they’ll size your personality after you’ve passed the looks test. I have a problem with guys who ONLY want to date hot girls regardless of their personality. I just cant!!! So that cancels out a bajillion more boys.
Then theres the sex part. Some of the guys I matched with just wanted sex. Actually, most of the guys I swiped with JUST wanted sex. They are not even tactful about it. It’s like “Hey, you look good. Let’s have sex”
And I look at their pics and be like YOU AINT EVEN RYAN GOSLING. Ugh.
So because of that, I unmatch 90% of my matches. Apparently, a lot of girls are really nasty on tinder. Malaysian girls. Even the ones with tudung and are Malay. They send nude pics and shit and ask the guys to send them dickpics. How can I compete with that? They can do that, but I don’t want to. Im not judging. Women here are sexually deprived. Im not surprised that all of them just want to bang everything that moves. So no casual sex for me then. What am I left with?
The few dates ive gone out with I noticed a few things. Malaysian boys (Chinese, Malay, Indian) can be a little insecure when they meet me (although I am not surprised. I admit I can be scary but they don’t know me so why should they be scared?) Ive been on dates that I spent three hours just trying to say something because these boys JUST WONT STOP talking about themselves, and all the MONEY they got from their last project, and HOW FUCKING SUCCESSFUL they are. Seriously, they didn’t even ask me ONE question. Ok, maybe just how are you, what are you doing now. And then off, they start telling me their grandfathers story non stop. How fuckin self absorbed can you be? At first I thought I just had bad luck, but then I thought, maybe its just me? Maybe they are intimidated by me and feel the need to prove themselves to me? Or maybe they think girls LOVE guys who talk about their success? Maybe it has worked on other girls and they are just implementing their modus operandi?
I don’t know lah. But that was a MAJOR MAJOR turn off for me. On a date, lets just talk about things like your favorite movie, what you think of that book, casual family growing up shit, I don’t need to know about how much you made on your last project and the car you bought. Yuck seriously YUCK!! I have my own money wei. Please lah.
So now I go out with foreign guys. Which is something everyone wants to bitch abt. I am not saying I prefer them over Malaysian boys, but based on my personal experience, all the non-Malaysian boys ive met, ARE SO MUCH NICER TO ME. I am sorry! I just HAVE to say this. Why is this happening? Why are all these guys so nice to me? They ask me questions, they treat me with respect, they don’t say condescending shit like “So do you cook?” (to find out if I cook and can cook for them) or “Do you pray?” (to find out if im a nice muslim girl)
Anyway, the few times i’ve gone on dates with foreign men, Malay guys will always look at me with disgust. Some of them even ask me about the guy i’m dating, IN FRONT of the guy, in Malay. “Ni kawan ke apa ni?”
How rude can you be?
One time in Langkawi, the local beach boys came up to me and my group of girlfriends to “warn” us about the “gangster” Matsalleh boys. Like hello, YOU are the gangster here, not these masters program nerdy tech boys we just met.
I can go on and on about dating perils in Malaysia, but let me start dating a lot more first before I can bitch. For now, my dating life is close to non-existent. Yes i’m picky, and I’m not the easiest girl to go out with (actually I am, but only secure confident boys will agree to that)
I am not saying I AM THE BEST SHIT EVER, I definitely have my flaws, which I am aware of, and i’m trying very hard to improve myself. But that’s just it, I WANT to improve myself, to be the best version of myself, so when I date, i’m the bomb diggity. But many boys I meet, don’t aspire to be better. They just want me to take it or leave it. And of course they can be that way, there are a ton of girls out there that are fantastic that they can go out with. How about us girls? Us girls who want to find boys who want to be better? That is why, so many girls are single and frustrated. We’re not that desperate to be with a man just because we want to be with a man. We rather be alone than be with some dick. (but then you’ll get bored lah)
I read a report stating that 68% of Malaysian university attendees are women, which means, in the near future, there are more educated women than boys. There will be a time that Malaysian girls have no choice but to date down. They bring in the moneh, and the house husbands just lepak at home. What to do? If I compare all the resumes of my guy friends vs my girl friends, it’s like langit and bumi. The girls are so efficient, so entrepreneurial, so fucking hot. And the guys? Well, most of them are still looking for a proper job.
Don’t get me wrong. I love boys. I love being in the company of men. I don’t hate them at all. But I cant deny the fact that the quality of men is seriously slacking in Malaysia. The good ones are of course all taken and married, the single ones are single for a reason, and the rest are gay!
The minute an eligible great guy (not so great pon ada) breaks up with his girlfriend, believe me, all the girls will be scrambling to get him. They compete with each other, and everything becomes really nasty. And i’m REALLY against fighting over a guy. So I wont succumb to that perangai. I will just do my own thing and continue meeting random guys in bars, Tinder and mutual friends. Wish me luck bitches. Till then!
Xoxo – minah melayu