I’ve found a way to
sort of grow accustomed to this whole… being alone thing. I’m embracing it.
I’ve got a king sized bed. For the longest time, I slept on one side of it, even though most nights, I was the only one in it. Granted, I’m always nestled between pillows trying to convince myself that’s a body and not a body pillow, but I’m still taking up as little space as I can for no damn reason. I’m on my own. I have no one to please but myself. I’ve started sleeping right in the middle of my damn bed, spread out like a starfish. I want to get to a point where the next time I have a bedfellow, I can say “that’s my side of the bed” no matter where they go, and then jokingly cuddle-tackle them for taking up my space, because I have willingly let them into my space.
It’s hot out, and I wear shorts and skirts a lot right now. My hair isn’t crazy dark, so I don’t have to shave a lot. I used to do it all the time because “you never know who might see,” or I’d do it right before a date, or worse, I’d do it right before I thought I might run into someone I was seeing at the time, just in case. Now I’m on my own, I have no one to impress but myself. I’ve decided I’ll shave when I want to feel sexy, not because I want someone else to approve of my legs (or anything else). Take tomorrow, for instance. It’s hot. I’m probably going to go back onto my college campus to hang out with my sisTers for Thalian Thursday. I might wear a skirt. I haven’t worn a skirt in a while, and I like looking good in my gear, so I’ll probably shave. Just for myself… and maybe a little bit for my sisTers. But I’m pretty sure I’m the only person that’s going to notice.
At the end of the day, I’ve just got… me. It’s time for me to learn how to be happy with that.