If you want to create an excellent summer salad to bring to the mandatory barbecues at your family’s houses and/or submerged dormitories in the moon craters this summer season, simply:
1. Find some lettuce. (usually in a store, field, or secret compound)
2. Deny claims that you will use the lettuce to commit treason
3. Chop the lettuce.
4. Bury it in the ground and deny you ever saw it when a man in a tan jacket holding a deer skin brief case knocks on your door and says, “Hey, where is it?”
5. Go to the barbecue and tell your family, “What salad? What man? I don’t remember at all.”