Here’s how it went down——
I did not have VIP tickets, I had absolutely no idea in the entire world, and out of all of its populants, that I would be able to speak to the two people that matter most to me. Tuesday was just overall a very emotional day for me, I knew that I had missed my opportunity for the meet and greet when the school’s wifi cut out a few months back, and that the show that night would be the last one I’d see this year, and that they’re not touring next year, and it all hit me pretty hard. I also was standing with a couple people who were going to meet them, a few of whom’s personalities I was not fond of (based on their treatment to and around other fans) and I just, I was so angry that a couple of these people who I know in my heart that Tegan nor Sara would ever like outside of this context were going in to see them and I couldn’t. Regardless, whatever, it was a lot compounded but I was holding it together, until due to whatever unbeknownst tenderness I have when I look at Erin, I lost it and started crying.
This lasted, eh, about 45 minutes on and off and Bo was the best consoler and also the worst consoler because she was the best consoler and that made me want to cry some more? Like I kid you not at one point I had stopped and was fine and then I saw a dog being walked down the sidewalk and there went my dry spell of all of maybe three minutes.
I needed a distraction and asked Bo to go walk with me and we decided to go the CVS way down the street, the farthest I’d been from the venue all day when I get a call from a number I don’t recognize - turns out it was Annel - (right?) - and she says to me “Val, where are you? Get to the front of the line right now if you want a VIP entry.” I don’t even remember what I said all I know is I booked it back to the venue, when I got there my hair was a mess and I was sweating a bit, and a girlfriend of a friend’s who I never really officially met because I’d been sobbing and inarticulate was standing there and like, “Alright, let’s go.” (I FIND OUT LATER THAT THIS IS THE BEAUTIFUL SOUL WHO GOT ME THE ENTRY. Her friend called her and said to her that she had an extra +1 and asked her if she wanted to come in. This girl, her name is Nadia, who never even met me but knew how much they meant to me had someone call me and make sure that I personally was the one who got this ticket. I cannot even express how amazing she is.)
SO I GET THERE AND THEY TELL ME I HAVE LIKE A MINUTE AND A HALF BASICALLY BEFORE WE GO IN. I’M THE FOURTH PERSON IN LINE. I’m freaking out and Dax and Erin and Jeree are all freaking out because they know how much this means and I’m asking them questions they don’t have the answers to and they’re trying to calm me down, and Jeree is almost crying which makes me almost cry again and I’m like ???!?!?! K. Then we get in to a VIP sound check and they ask for questions and I shoot my hand up and ask them a question that earns me about 4 minutes of steady eye contact for both of them which in turn gave me the kick-start of comfortability to basically not pass out when I meet them officially.
And then I met them officially, hair still messy, beanie still off-slumped, (all of which I am completely unconscious of) and I was so nervous (oh yeah and before this I shoved my gum in my pocket because nothing matters and I am meeting them and fuck these jeans I didn’t like them anyway) but I DIDN’T fuck up, guys. My two worst fears (either coming off creepy or them not liking me oR BOTH) ceased to exist. On the contrary, I made both of them laugh. We spoke for about..3 and a half, 4 minutes? (Can someone else validate this?) Sara’s eyes are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen in my life, and so when she teared up after I said this I almost lost all of my composure:
"Look," I said, "I had absolutely no clue I was going to have this opportunity and I cannot express how amazing it is to be here right now - I’m just thinking, like, of all the things I could possibly say to you that are running through my mind right now, one sticks out the most, and it’s that - I remember you guys saying something in one of your interviews about not having gay role models growing up, about having Ellen but she was a bit older so you felt disconnected to her - and I just want you to know from the bottom of my heart, that what you didn’t have, that is you guys for me."
And I looked to Sara WHO HAD TEARS IN HER EYES AND I COULD NOT LOOK AT HER I was like no, do not - and I looked away because I promise you I would have broken down. And I did start tearing up and Tegan was like “oh no you don’t, no crying for this picture,” and I was like looking off and I’m like OKAY I AM NOT and then we took the first normal picture, and then I got down on one knee and held both of their hands and made them laugh and got the picture of a lifetime with the most priceless looks on their faces in the world. I hugged them both goodbye and walked down, mmmm, maybe about 6 stairs towards the exit and then started sobbing and Erin started laughing at my sobbing and in retrospect I think that’s kind of funny, too. I just, I can barely express this post, even, two days later? ALSO NYONE AND EVERYONE WHO WAS THERE PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS MASTERPOST OF THIS MOMENT ANYTHING I MIGHT HAVE MISSED OR THAT YOU WANT TO ADD SO WE CAN FILL IT ALL IN AND SAVE IT. I mean, I’ve never been so QUIET in my life as I have the past three days but I genuinely believe there comes a time where something so effectual happens that words at the wrong time can actually lessen its impact. There’s a silence that’s necessary to get to a ready-point, for me, (and for me), any silence is miraculous, so.
Here’s to meeting my favorite people in the world before a year’s break.
Here’s to Nadia and Bo and Emily and Yoly and so many more:
all of these fucking amazing people that I got to spend the last week laughing, and hugging, and crying with.
And, most importantly***, here’s cheers to 2016 hurrying it’s shit-ass up so I just might have the chance to do all of this all over again. I don’t know.