I thought I loved him. I thought I was in love with everything about him. I had convinced myself that my feelings and emotions were that of true love, but I was wrong. The more I analyze everything about our friendship, relationship, friends-with-benefits-ship the more I realize the true nature of it all. I gave my all: I cared, consoled, listened, nurtured, was generous, gave my body up to you and you never saw the good that was right in front of you. I got out of my comfort zone to please you. I put you and your wants and needs first before mine. I came over when you asked and never hastled you about your life away from me. I was good to you and you turned your back on me. I did everything I could've done but it was never enough. I still stayed though, right by your side. I still kept my feelings at bay, but they were still at the surface if you bothered to look into my eyes, if you bothered to feel my heart. I was there all along while everyone else turned their back on you. While you were starving for their attention, I was starving for yours. I wanted you to see how I felt, because I loved you...not matter what. I thought it was love then, but I realize now that it was a longing pain not love. Love has endured much worse in nother people's situations, but what I was feeling was somewhere between "strong like" and "love." Right in the middle. I look back and remember all the hurt and pain I suffered, all the tears I've shed for you. That was suffering not love. Love is something beautiful but what I felt wasn't. After talking to you many hours ago and getting a tiny bit of closure from you, I can now say that I've burried you deep down in the dungeon of my heart and threw away the key. I will never look back and think of what was or what could've been. The "what if's" stop now. The past is the past and must stay there. The old me is dead and gone, and now the new me is emerging. It's now time to focus on the present and the near future and see how life turns out.