tears-on-my-face

anonymous asked:

The crunch of the leaves and the breezes between the trees annoyed Clint. Noises like those, simple noises, added to the flashbacks he had from the horrible battle between the Avengers and Ultron. As much as he tried to ignore them all, the horrible flashbacks, he always had nightmares and he always had the moments he’d stare off into space and dissociate. Dissociate from the conversations and the people and scenes surrounding him. (1/?)

Those moments were the worst, because they were the moments where people could potentially see the vulnerability that had stricken him since the final moments of the battle. As soon as he stared off into space, the air would grip at his lungs and the temperature would get hotter and he’d begin to sweat.

It was horrible, because he always stared off into space remembering just one part of it all.

It was always one part: the part where he and that little boy were saved.

He could hear the stretching of his own skin as he gripped his bow tighter. Clint arrived at the shooting range he had hid in the woods a long time ago. The targets were worn and full of holes, mainly huge ones bore into the middle of all the targets. The others were on the outskirts and other rings mainly because he was injured so many times he used this target range as a way of recuperating from his injuries. He figured his busy mind would help him add to the holes on the outskirts of the targets and that would’ve upset him if he weren’t already upset.

Because of this, he wasted no time at all and stood in position, raising his bow and positioning an arrow. Seconds later and arrows were flying and whizzing throughout the air, landing on the targets either on the dead center or very, very close to it. Sometimes, he’d envision the way his savior fell and the arrow would strike far away from the center. He’d growl but Clint kept going, extracting arrow after arrow, until he needed to get the extras from his duffle bag that he’d slung on his shoulder and brought along with him.

He could feel himself slipping into an automated state, but it wasn’t happening quick enough. He was still feeling the battle resonating throughout his bones.

Explosions, so many explosions, such deafening sounds.

Another arrow flew.

People, so many innocent people died.

Another arrow flew.

There were so many of him…Ultron was everywhere.

Another arrow flew.

What if I hadn’t saved that little boy…?

Another arrow flew, hitting the wooden trunk it was placed on while his hand trembled.

Is there really anything to question?

Another arrow positioned itself, so absentmindedly it hurt. Clint wasn’t practicing, he wasn’t alive, and he was just there. Letting arrows hit things, letting arrows into the air.

What if I had died instead?

The arrow flew and struck the target dead center and Clint’s knees buckled a little. He regained his strength, standing tall as he could, breathing and steadying his horribly shaky hands. Why was he questioning anything? They were both heroes and that little kid didn’t deserve death just because Ultron had a little bitch fit and couldn’t tell the difference between helping and killing. They were both heroes.

They were both heroes.

That’s exactly what Clint told himself as he drew arrow after arrow, splitting some of the arrows already stuck into the targets. Eventually everything became so mechanical and systematic that he genuinely wasn’t thinking, he wasn’t even breathing as far as he could tell, he was just shooting arrows. He was slinging them at top speeds and his zoned out yet zoned in expression was deadpan. It was the only way he could truly drown out the horrible sounds and the heart shattering flashbacks. He hadn’t called her in a while, to ask how she was holding up, and shooting arrows distracted him from that fact as well.

Heroes…

What kind of bullshit concept is that, anyway? Clint asked himself. He was down to his last arrows. He was getting angrier and angrier, his deadpan expression contorting into one of pure disgust and agony. Clint always played it cool, as though is emotions were practically nonexistent, as though he were okay with it. He always had the snarky remarks and had the nonchalant gait and posture. If only they knew, Clint thought, if only they freakin’ knew. Not even Natasha knew how much he beat himself up over the many deaths and the contradictory concept he was a part of. Heroes are supposed to save everyone, or at least try their hardest, not shove themselves into vulnerability, God, this is so bad, Clint thought, through his rushed thoughts, not even realizing how he’d reached his last arrow.

Within the breeze was a small whisper, a whisper of calmness that only annoyed Clint even more. He stood there, in worn clothing and worn boots, his hair so disheveled and visibly greasy, his hands still bandaged from how many walls he’d punched and how much his anger had affected them. He wished it was all just a dream and that Tony hadn’t tried to play God or whatever the hell the saying was. It was just the fact that he felt he should’ve died instead, it was the fact that he had to live with the horrid memories and the fact that he felt selfish for it, considering she probably had it much worse than him. She was a part of him, she literally felt a part of her ripped away, torn, and the wound was probably still bleeding.

Clint growled and raised the arrow and stared in frenzy at the target in the dead center of the target range.

God knows he was bleeding, Clint thought.

His hand was shaking so badly.

That’s it, Clint thought, that’s it, I should’ve been the one, not him, I don’t care what anyone says, I don’t care what my conscious says, it should’ve been

It should’ve been me! Clint yelled to himself, letting the arrow fly.

He blinked his eyes and suddenly the arrow was gone. Seconds later was an odd noise, a noise that sounded like the flitting of a bug. He looked for the arrow, for the last arrow to have made an impact, but it was nowhere to be found. He tried the ground, the top of the trunk, everywhere. His body was turning and whirling quickly, and when he whirled back around to the target in front of him, he immediately knew he needed more sleep.

Now I’m hallucinating? Clint thought.

There was no way. There was no way he was actually seeing Pietro Maximoff standing beside of his target. There was no way he was seeing the raised eyebrow, weirdly colored hair, cool leaning stance, and black jacket with a white arrow pattern on the sleeves. No, there was no way. Pietro is dead; he had died to save him and that little boy! Clint yelled to himself, unable to find words. Suddenly, the bow was covered in oils and his fingers lost their grip, loosening and letting it hit the ground.

Pietro’s smirk widened, but not in a cocky way; it widened almost into a smile. Clint noticed his last arrow being twirled around between Pietro’s fore, middle, and ring fingers and stared between his face and it. Clint didn’t know what to do, so he just stood, unsure if he was dissociating that badly or not, unsure of whether or not he was truly hallucinating. He’d seen Pietro fall, he’d seen the bullet holes; he’d seen him die right before his eyes. He saw his breathing stop.

“Barton, you didn’t see that coming?” Pietro’s voice confirmed one thing: Clint wasn’t hallucinating.

Now, Clint wasn’t into all of the gushy, sentimental type of gestures, but he didn’t know a better response than dashing forward straight toward Pietro and dragging him into a huge, tight hug. Pietro was still healing, so he couldn’t use his super speed to dodge the kind gesture, and honestly…he wasn’t sure he if wanted to. When Clint’s arms were thrown so hard around Pietro’s body, Pietro huffed and winced, but chuckled a little. Clint buried his face into Pietro’s chest, holding onto him as tightly as he could.

Pietro raised his arms around Clint as well, knowing that it wasn’t just a hug; it wasn’t just some stupid kind gesture that he’d usually write off as pointless. Clint had a damn good reason for the hug that they all knew about, and one reason of his own. Those reasons helped a few tears fall.

“No, I didn’t, ya jerk,” Clint said, chuckling a little.

Pietro is so warm, Clint thought. The last time he had touched him he was cold and lifeless. The rise and fall of his chest comforted Clint, and maybe now his nightmares would stop, maybe now the memories would fade away, the horrible daydreaming would cease. Leave it to Pietro Maximoff, Clint thought,to come up out of nowhere and make me have hope again, what a jerk.

He had many questions but those questions could wait. Those questions could hold on for a little while, because Pietro and Clint needed this hug. They needed this validation that the other knew how grateful they were for each other. They needed it.

That same breeze whispered calmness and this time, with good reason, Clint listened. Clint had his hero back and this time, he wouldn’t let his hero sacrifice himself ever again. Pietro was there to stay, and Clint would make sure of that.

sm tell exo they doing a photoshoot for love me right in football gear
a stray tear roll down kyungsoos face
“finally………….” he whispers, “my shoulders will be as broad as sehuns……….”

Out of my League Chapter 8

Chapter 7 

Chapter 1 - 6 

Sorry for the delay, this is the correct version!

Note: This is the longest chapter I wrote! I hope you guys enjoy it! Please please leave your thoughts and ideas or any comments you have in the review! Thank you for reading (I do not own these characters) ~ R.Q

Chapter 8

As I watched them kiss, my eyes started to get teary and I wanted to cry, but I held it in. I walked the other way to my car because I had to get home and take Mariana to her dance audition first. The Julliard School is here to see auditions in California, and we had to be there in an hour.

I got into my car, trying to forget the scene that just happened behind me. I drive home and go to my room. As I enter, I couldn’t help but let out a tear.

I quickly got up and went to the restroom to wash my face. I shake off my feelings for Connor because Mariana needed me now.

I head into her room and she’s just pacing up and down. She looks up at me as I enter.

“Mari, calm down! Everything will be ok!” I say slowly approaching her.

She runs up to me and grips my shirt, "How do you know that?! What if I make a mistake?! What if I don’t get my steps right?! What if they don’t like it?!”

I slowly grab her hands and give her a hug, “Everything will be fine! They will love you, you have no idea how talented you are. You’ll do great!“

She finally calmed down and looked up at me, "When did my little Judicorn get so mature?”

“I’ve always been mature,” I say, trying to cover the sorrow in my eyes, “now let’s get going before you’re late.”

I was driving her there, so we took my Civic. Mom and momma have date night so they didn’t know. Mari played her dancing music as we drove to the audition. When we got there, we both got out and entered the facility pretty quickly. Mariana was walking confidently, but I could tell that she was nervous. 

We waited for Mariana’s name to be called out, as she was being all jittery and me trying to calm her down. When her name was called out, she got up and I gave her a thumbs up before she entered the audition room. I waited about 20 minutes before she came out. I could read her expression.

I go up to her, “what happened?” I ask nervously. “They’ll let me know by next week,” she says as we both walk to the car.

We don’t talk the whole car ride home because Mariana was in deep thoughts about her audition and my head was back to thinking about Connor and Cecelia.

We get home and eat, before Mariana goes out with her boyfriend, Lucas. I just go to my room and decide to sleep. I crawl under the covers and dose off, trying to pretend that kiss never happened.

It was 7 am Saturday morning when I awoke. I get up and freshen up before returning and lay on my bed. I then thought that my siblings would arrive Monday from college and Christmas was Thursday and Taylor’s Christmas party was Wednesday. I should be happy, I thought, but I wasn’t because I couldn’t get Connor and Cecelia kissing out of my head.

I look at my phone and I see a text from Connor from yesterday.

Connor: hey, do want to hang out tomorrow?

Tears immediately start to fill my eyes and I let out a sob. It hurt me knowing that she’s the one he chose. I don’t know why I cared so much for Connor. He made my heart skip a beat. I sit up and grab my pillow. As I sob into it, I couldn’t help but remember when Connor was first cried in front of me, the first time I knew I really liked him.

*flashback*

It was Thanksgiving Day, and we had invited Connor and his aunt to thanksgiving dinner because they were all alone this year. The whole family was here, except for Jesus because he couldn’t get out until Christmas. Everyone was helping with the preparations for dinner.

Brandon and I were in charge of handling the heavy stuff, like setting up the table and carrying things. Callie and Mariana were helping moms cook the feast. Grandma wasn’t here because she was on a cruise and my other grandparents were spending thanksgiving with momma’s brother.

Everything was now prepared and the turkey was in the oven baking. It has about 30 minutes left. Connor and his aunt had just arrived.

“Hello Mrs. Stevens! Connor,” I say as I open the door for them.

“Hello sweetheart! Here I baked this pumpkin pie,” she says, handing me the pie.

They entered the house and moms greeted them. They then went into the kitchen with Mrs. Stevens as Connor and I went to the living room.

“Callie, Brandon, this is Connor,” I say introducing them.

“Oh you’re the ass,” Callie bluntly says coming up to us.

“Callie!” I start.

“No it’s ok. She’s not wrong,” Connor replies smirking.

“I’m sorry,” Jude starts, but he is cut off again.

“It’s cool. Nice to meet you Callie, Brandon,” he says reaching out his hand for a handshake.

“Nice to meet you too,” Callie replied shaking his hand, smirking. Brandon followed her lead and shook Connors hand nodding. They all then sat down around the coffee table.  

“Hey Mari,” Connor greats as he sits down.

“Hey Connor, how’s baseball?” She asks deviously.

“Still a lot better than your brother,” he says laughing.

“Hahaha you wish,” Jude exclaims, punching Connor in the arm.

“So how’s Julliard Brandon?” I ask.

“It’s cool, meeting new people and learning new music is really eye opening,” he replies.

“I bet it’s awesome, what else is there to do?” Mariana asks excitedly.

No one knows the real reason why she’s asking but me. I couldn’t help but smile. We talked about Brandon’s and Callie’s new experiences until we were called to eat.

“Ready for a feast?” Mom asks.

“Did everyone wash their hands? “Momma asked.

Even though we were old now, momma still treated us as children.

"Yes,” we all say simultaneously.

“You guys enjoy this dinner, momma and I worked really hard to make this!” Mom exclaimed, starting to carve the turkey.

“So did Callie and me!” Mariana interrupted.

They all laughed at Marianas comment. Connor looked really happy as I looked over to him.

"Everything looks just wonderful Lena,” Mrs. Stevens says in her soft, nice tone.

“Alright, let’s dig in!” Mom stated.

We all pigged in to the meal that was prepared. It consisted of mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, cranberry sauce, rolls, stuffing and of course, turkey.

After we finished eating the feast, we cleared the table. I offered to clean all the dishes, Connor offering to help me. Everyone else made their way to the living room as mom and momma thanked me.

“So why do you look so sad right now?” I ask as we wash the dishes, “you were really happy at dinner.”

“I’m fine,” he replies in a tone I can’t read.

“Really? Are you sure you’re ok?” I ask persistently.

"Yes! I’m fine! Don’t worry about me, I don’t need you to worry about me,” he exclaims loudly leaving me there baffled at his statement.

We finish cleaning the dishes in silence and make our way to the living room where everyone is. They sit down on opposite sides and join in on the conversations that were going on.

“Let me get the desserts!” Lena exclaimed as she started getting up.

“No it’s ok, I’ll get it momma,” Callie says getting up.

Callie returned with the pie and bowls. Everyone got a slice and returned to the conversation.

“That was an excellent meal! Thank you for inviting us,” Mrs. Stevens asserts cheerfully.

“Oh you know you and Connor are always welcome Gloria,” Stef replied.

“Yea it’s always more fun when there’s more people,” Mariana added.

“You guys are too kind. After Connors mom passed away, it was hard for us to move on, so thanksgiving was always dull, but now it seems whole again. My dear Connor even smiled for once,” she says, tearing up, not noticing the pale faces everyone was showing.

Only I knew about Connor’s mom, so I wasn’t surprised. I immediately look at Connor who stopped eating and was really pale.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that, I’m sorry for your loss,” Lena replies shocked.

“What, you mean Jude nor Connor told you? “ Mrs. Stevens asked in a shocking voice.

Connor immediately looked at me with wide eyes.

"Connor how come you didn’t…?” Mrs. Stevens started.

"Please Aunt Glor,” Connor stated, “May I be excused,” Connor cries out not really asking and left the room.

“Connor sweetie!” Mrs. Stevens called out.

I didn’t really think as I got up and followed him, leaving everyone in silence staring at my back. I let my heart lead the way. I stopped when I saw Connor, he was in the backyard sitting in the back patio. I sit down next to him, and look up at the stars in the sky.

“What the hell do you want?” he asks bitterly.

“I just want to be here for my friend,” I say looking at him.

“I don’t need your help!” He yells.

“I don’t understand. Why you are pushing me away, I’m always here for you… I’m your best friend” I ask calmly.

“I don’t need you,” he replies looking away.

“Everyone needs some sort of support. Connor, I know we didn’t start off right, but I now consider you my best friend. I want you to know that I’m here for you. No matter how you’re feeling, you don’t have to be alone. Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?” I ask sympathetically.

“I don’t want you looking down at me,” he states.

“I could never, to me, you will always be Connor Stevens, my best friend,” I reply.

We sit there for over 10 minutes before he speaks, “she had stage four liver cancer.”

“What do you mean?”

“M.. My mom,” he replied simply, “it was 3 years ago, the doctors said she only had a few weeks to live… I… I didn’t spend time with her on her last day.”

“I’m so sorry Connor,” I reply, not really knowing what to say.

“That’s not the worse part. The day she di… Died, I went to a party instead of being with her: I only got to see her moments before she passed away,” He explained further, now tearing up.

“It’s ok Connor, your mother knew how much you loved her,” I try with a strong face but my hands go numb because I know how it feels to lose a mother, but I didn’t have to see her die right in front of me. It didn’t matter though, I needed to be there for Connor right now.

“Yeah, some son I am. I abandoned her on her last day….. The last words she said to me were, don’t let anyone push you around, be happy Connor, I love you.”

I took in everything before I spoke, I walk and sit right in front of him, so that he could look my in the eyes, he was now crying, “I know its hard Connor, but what happened wasn’t your fault. Your mom knows how much you loved her. I didn’t even get to say good bye to my mom when she died. But she knew I loved her. You can’t keep letting the past haunt you, your mom would have wanted you to move on. Don’t let sorrow lead you, your mom wouldn’t have wanted that. I can tell you that it doesn’t help. You have to move on from this foul thought that you weren’t good enough because you were. You’re her son and you’re pretty amazing.“

I then let my heart guide me and I move closer to him, embracing him in my arms. I hold his hand in mine. He put his head in my chest and started sobbing as I held him, tears streaming down my eyes too, as the moon glistened through the sky. I knew now, that I really liked Connor and it wasn’t just a simple crush. It felt right to comfort him, and it made me special that he finally opened up to me about something and that I could help him through it.

**end flashback**

Mariana walked in my room now and saw me crying.

"What’s wrong Judicorn?!” She asked surprised to see me cry.

“What are you doing up Mari?” I ask wiping the tears off my cheeks.

“I have work in 30 minutes, but you’re more important,” she exclaimed, sitting next to me opening her arms.  

I slide in her arms and lay my head on her lap.

“He kissed Cecelia,” I say with no emotion.

“Connor?! No way,” she asked shocked.

*flashback*

*Mariana’s POV*

I was so shocked, I had no idea Connors mom passed away. It really made me wonder how Connor’s life has been since then. It has now been 20 minutes since Connor and Jude left. Everyone in here was trying not to be silent, but you could cut the tension in here with a knife.

Suddenly, Connor and Jude walked back in the living room, Connor asking his aunt to leave. His aunt agrees and they say goodbye leaving. I look at Jude, whose eyes are red, it seems like he has been crying. After they left moms, I and everyone else go around Jude with a questioning look.

“Sweetie, why didn’t you tell us about Connors mom?” Momma asks.

“It wasn’t my place to say anything, Connor didn’t even know I knew,” Jude replies walking out and going to his room.

Callie goes after him trying to stop him. She comes back down after 10 minutes saying that he just wants to sleep. As everyone else goes into conversation, I go upstairs to Jude’s room and knock on the door.

“Go away Callie!” I hear Jude say.

I push the door open and walk in sitting on his bed where he was laying.

“Mari, what are you doing here?” he asks.

“I just wanted to make sure that you are ok, it looks as though you have been crying.” I reply

He doesn’t reply, just stares down.

“You know you can tell me anything, right Jude? I will always support you.” I say as he looks down.

I get up and start walking out of the room when he finally opens up to me, “I have feelings towards Connor and not the friendship kind. I… I think I might be in love with him.”

*end flashback*

Jude’s POV

“It’s ok Judicorn, let it all out,” she says.  

“I really liked him, an… and I thought he liked me too,” I say with tears coming down my face.

“It’s ok, first heartbreaks are always the worst, it’ll pass, I promise,” she says patting my forehead.

I know she meant well, but I couldn’t help but feel that it wouldn’t go away. She left for work after 10 minutes and I sat on my bed and decided to write another letter to Connor.

Dear Connor,

My love, I have now realized that you do not possess the same feelings I have for you. I guess I was being delusional. How could I end up with you? You’re so strong and fierce, but under all that you’re kind, sensitive, and sweet. I don’t deserve you. I don’t know if I will ever get over you. My heart skips a beat for you every time I’m near you and it hurts me to see you with her. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised, but I am. I can’t believe it ended up like this. A piece of my heart will always belong to you. I love you.

I write the letter and put it in my bottom drawer, with the other I wrote so long ago. The next few days I stay to myself, even when Callie, Brandon and Jesus come home. I greet them and retreat to my room. Callie got suspicious, but I pushed her away. Mariana also gave me time to get over it.

It was Tuesday morning and I walk out of bed and head to my closet. I take everything out to see what to wear today. I suddenly stop when I see Connor’s baseball glove. I take it in my hands, putting it on. I remember all the times he played with this glove. I remember every moment playing catch with him in the backyard. I and wrap my arms around it. I decide to take it to his house later.

I go down and eat breakfast with my family before playing video games with Jesus.

It’s now 2 in the afternoon and I decide to go to Connor’s to return the glove. I get my keys and head out. When I arrive I see an old broken down truck in the driveway, but I pay little attention to why.

I knock on the door and Mrs. Stevens answers. She sees me and a worried expression comes on her face. She then whispers, “Jude, honey, why are you here?” She asks frantically.

"I came to return this to Connor,” I say showing the gloves.

“WHO THE HELL IS IT GLORIA?” I hear, as someone approaches behind her.

It was a man, same height as me. He was holding a beer bottle in his hands drinking and looked at me like I’m nothing.

“Who the hell are you?” He asks

“This is one of Connor’s teammates,” Mrs. Stevens replies.

“What your name?” he asks suspiciously. At this point, Mrs. Stevens goes pale.

“It’s Jude,” I reply.

“Oh you’re the team captain. My sons going to kick your ass and take your title, you little shit,” he states, taking another sip of his beer.

I didn’t know what to reply, so I just stood there.

“Why are you here?” He finally asks.

“I came to return this to Connor,” I reply.

“Oh you can keep that, Connor doesn’t need things back from losers, now get the hell out. I’m supposed to be meeting my son’s girlfriend any moment now.” He replies shutting the door in my face.

I stand there totally confused at what happened before turning around to go home. When I turn around, Connor is standing behind me, Cecelia following him from behind.

“Jude…” He starts.

“Here,” I hand him his glove and go to my car and drive away. My phone buzzes.

Taylor: meet me at the park in 5

Jude: ok

I sit at the park and wait for Taylor.

“What’s wrong Jude?” Taylor asks as she sits next to me.

“What do you mean?” I ask trying to avoid the question.

“Jude I know you. You haven’t talked to me in like 5 days and you’ve been avoiding Connor. He told me you don’t reply to his texts,” she says.

Taylor also knows about my crush on Connor.  I tell her the whole story without crying. I’m cried all of it out.

“I’m sorry Jude, I always hated that tramp,” she stated now hugging me.

“It’s ok, I’ll get over it. What time do you want me to be at your house for the party tomorrow?” I ask.

“Come early, about 6 to set up,” she replies.

We sat there for a while before heading home. I get home and everyone is out, probably doing some last minute shopping. I already got all my presents because I’m smart. I go to my desk and open the top drawer. There are two presents in it, the first I’ll be needing for tomorrow’s party.

I get the presents out and wrap them before going back downstairs to eat dinner. It’s a full house again and I love every minute of it. As we finish eating dinner, I hear the phone ring. Mariana goes to get it.

After 5 minutes she comes back and signs me to follow her up stairs. I follow her to her room.

“So what happened?” I ask curiously.

She turned around and started squealing, “It was Julliard! I got in,” she says excitedly jumping before running up to me giving me a hug.

I also scream and hug back, “I told you that you would get it!”

“What’s going on here?” Callie asks from the door way.

“Nothing,” Mariana says, moving to her bed.

I give her a questioning look.

“You guys will find out later,” she says now going on her laptop.

After hearing the good news, I go to my room and plan to sleep. I lay in bed when I get a text from Connor.

Connor: why are you ignoring me?

I reply before going to bed.

Jude: I’m not, see you tomorrow  

Its 5:50p.m so I decide to leave for Taylor’s house to help set up, grabbing both the presents and wearing a bright red Christmas sweater.

Taylor’s family is rich, so they have a huge house. I go inside and greet her. She’s wearing a beautiful red gown with Rudolph’s nose.  

“Oh what that?!” She asks looking at the presents in my hand.

“Here, this is for you my loyal friend,” I say as I hand her the present.

She opens it and smiles, “oh my god, it’s so beautiful, thank you!” She says hugging me. It was a charm bracelet that she had wanted since September.

"You’ll get your present later, after everyone’s left,” she says as she puts on her new accessory.

“Is that for Connor?” she asks noticing the other present in my hand.

"Yeah,” I reply

I go in and set up table of food and drinks as Taylor finishes decorating and getting games ready. Taylor always went all out with the party decorations, everything looked beautiful. There was green and red streamers everywhere, the Christmas tree was decorated to the perfect degree and there were mistletoe’s everywhere.

When we finish, her guests start to arrive and she walks all over the place. I just get a drink and stand in the corner. Some people from school come up to me and make small talk, to which I half reply. After about an hour and a half, Connor and Cecelia arrive, hand in hand. She was wearing this hideous green dress with reindeer ears and Connor was wearing a green Christmas sweater. I looked at them as they greeted Taylor, and finished my drink in one gulp. I then make my way across the party.

I avoid them for most of the party, mostly just walking around. I play some games to make time go faster, but my heart really wasn’t in it. It’s a good thing I don’t get drunk easily, because I was scarfing down my sixth drink. At around 11:30 is when the happy couple finally catch me.

“Hey Jude!” Cecelia called, making her way to Jude with Connor right behind her. She’s holding his hand, but he isn’t smiling when they come up to me.

"Hey,” I reply looking at them.

Taylor made her way beside me, standing with her hands crossed, like a guard dog.

“So guess what? Connor and I are officially dating now! Aren’t you happy for us?” She says in a menacing way.

I look at Connor before speak, "I’m happy if you guys are happy,” I say.

“Good! Oh look Connor, it’s a slow dance. Let’s go!” Cecelia suddenly says pulling Connor the other way.

Taylor looks at me and pats me reassuringly on the back before Derek calls her over to dance. She looks at me and I nod at her that I’m ok. As everyone made their way to the dance floor, I head up stairs. I look down and made eye contact with Connor. I look away and make my way to the room where I placed Connor’s present.

After about 10 minutes of just sitting there, I hear the door open. I turn around and see Connor walk in. I look at him, it’s close to midnight now so I decide to give him his present.

“Here,” I say handing him his present.  

He takes the present and puts it aside.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” He asks in a pleading voice now standing in front of me.

I avoid eye contact and reply, “I’m not.”

“Don’t lie to me!” He yells.

“Why don’t you go back to your date,” I reply in a cold voice.

“Is that why you are mad? Do you not like her” he asks in a confused voice.

“That’s not it” I reply.

“Then what is it? I can’t do much until you talk to me!” He retorts.

Angry now I also start to yell, “You think it’s easy for me to see you with her?! Do you think that I liked watching you kiss her right in front of me?! “I reply yelling.

Connor remained silent not knowing what to say, a sad expression appearing on his face.

"And to have to hear that she’s your girlfriend from your father, that just took the cake,” I say sarcastically.

“You met my father?” He asked cautiously.

“Yeah, real nice man,” I reply in an even more sarcastic tone.

After a while of thinking, he finally says something, “I’m sorry Jude I can’t give you what you want. We should still be friends though,” he started.

“I don’t think so, it’s clear that you like her, so just go be with her. It was my fault for actually liking you, fooling myself. I can’t be around you anymore because it will just reminds me of how much I love you…and I can’t go down that road,” I reply.

“What do you want me to do? Please don’t do this Jude.” He pleads.

I just ignore him and start to walk out of the room. Before I make it out, I hear, “don’t go, I love you too Jude.”

I turn around and see him looking towards me.

“Don’t play with me, I’m not emotionally stable at the moment,” I say.

“I’m not, but I can’t do anything about it! It’ll just lead to trouble,” he says putting his head in the palm of his hands.

“What do you mean?” I ask confused and angry.

“You wouldn’t understand!” He says.

“Try me,” I reply a little calmer.

“You wouldn’t, now just leave it alone!” He yells.

“Why do you always shut me out?!” I yell now tearing up.  

He looks surprised at my yelling. “Why are you pushing me away?! Why is it so hard for you to open up?!”

“Jude stop it!” He yells back.

“NO! Not until you tell me what’s really going on! You say you love me, but you won’t do anything about it! You’re lying!” I yell.

“Don’t say anything else,” he screams.

“Why?! What are you hiding from me!!? So you hate me so much that I don’t deserve an answer?! What the hell are you so afraid of?!” I scream louder, tears streaming down my face.

As soon as I say that, Connor comes up to me, put his hands on my cheeks and presses his lips against mine. I don’t kiss back at first, but after I do, it was magical and passionate. We pull apart after what seems forever. I look into his eyes and see passion and love.

He looks at me, wipes away the tears in my eyes and walks out of the room leaving me to my thoughts.

Appendix

Yesterday 4everellenandportia and I wrote on the beginning of a new fanfiction here is the first little part enjoy!

Portia pov.
Geez that hurts, my stomach hurts so much I can’t even walk anymore. I shout at Mel to bring me to the hospital, “MEL COMON I CAN’T WAIT.” He stands up from the couch and walks slowly towards me “Portia stop shouting what a hell is wrong with you?” Just bring me I whimpers out in pain, tears streaming down my face. We arrive at the hospital and meld at the reception, we can walk trough thank god..

Ellen POV
I’m lying in the hospital since this morning. I had such stomach pain that I couldn’t handle it anymore. The doctor said its my appendix and that I have to get a surgery. The pain is better now, thank god! I’m alone in my room but the nurse told me that there’ll come a new one in a minute. I just hope she’s not arrogant or something.

Portia POV
I go into the room by the doctor and Mel keeps outside, the doctor pokes my stomach on serval areas. I am crying out in pain and he tells me “it’s clearly your appendix, we don’t have to check on your blood. We’ll take you to surgery.” He rides me in a wheelchair to a room where a beautiful short blonde haired girl is lying, I lay down in the bed next to her. I can’t gain breath, I don’t know if it’s the girl or my stomach. Mel walks in and is just being a dick like always “haha does it hurts Portia?!” “Shut your facking face Mel. Go home you only have to say one thing like this and I’ll kick you out, stupid ass.” I pant out

Ellen POV
I’m shocked when i see these beautiful woman. She looks amazing, I wonder why she’s here. I hear her yelling at her I assume her boyfriend or husband.
“Sorry about that” she says quietly “it’s okay, don’t worry, I’m ellen by the way” “hey ellen, I’m Portia” she greets me. Her name is wonderful and I like the sound of my name coming from her. “So, why are you here?” I ask curiously “appendix, you?” She answers. “Same. Who was that man, if you don’t mind me asking.” “I don’t, he’s my husband.” “Oh, okay. Is he always like that?” “Yes, that’s why we’re constantly fighting. Do you have a boyfriend?” “No I don’t” I answer honestly. I don’t want her to know that I’m gay, maybe she’s not okay with it. I’ll just wait. We talk all day long and we get along very well. She told me that she’s an actress and I told her that I’m a comedienne. At the end of the day we know each other pretty well. I like her. “Maybe we should sleep now Portia.” “Yeah, I think so too, good night ellen!” She says “good night Portia” I answer before closing my eyes.

Portia POV
I wake up to the sound of a bed rolling away, it’s ellen she goes into surgery. She looks at me with exhausted eyes, “it’s going to be okay ellen, see you tonight when I am out of surgery as well.” I say to her. I see a smile appear on her face and she says “thank u portia, it’s going to be alright with you as well.” I smile at her sweetness and day dream a bit about her.

I knew that I am gay or at least bisexual since I am 12 or something, I just married Mel for a green-card. As actress you can’t be gay in this economy. As I am still thinking about Ellen, Mel walks in. All I can think of is it had been enough, I don’t want this a straight relationship I mean. Since yesterday I am sure i wan’t to live with a woman, and not just a woman ellen my hospital neighboor. I ask Mel if he can do something for me, “yeah of course tell me what?” “Can you please print out divorce papers bring them to me and sign them for me together with me?” “Gosh I thought you’ll never ask!” Mel says out loud and I can say it hurts me a bit. He goes away comes back with the papers and we sign them, “where am I going to live than?” He asks me and all I say Is “don’t worry keep living in the same house i’ll find something new for myself.” At that moment the doc walks in to ride me and my bed to surgery and all I hear is “okay Portia goodbye and stay strong.”

Ellen POV
I wake up in my room and I feel exhausted. The doctor comes in and tells me that everything went the way it was planned. He also told me that Portia’s going to be here soon. I start to think about Portia and I smile to myself. She’s so pretty and I’m sure she’s a great actress too. After what seems like hours she finally came in, still asleep. She looks so peaceful and I can’t take my eyes of her.
“Where am I?” I here a soft yet cracky voice say “you’re back in our room, she surgery is over and I’m sure it went well.” “Hey el” “hey” I say happy about the fact that she just called me el and not ellen. The doctor came and told her the same things he told me. Everything went great and we have to stay in bed at least 16 hours. We both fell asleep pretty early, tired from the surgery. When I wake up in the early morning I see Portia sitting in her bed, smiling at me “good morning, how are you?” She asks “good morning, I’m great, you?” “I’m awesome” she answers excited. “Why are you so excited?” I ask “I don’t know, I’m just so happy that the pain is gone and that I don’t have to go back to Mel” she says “wait, what do you mean by that? I thought he’s your husband?!” I ask irritated “he was, we signed our divorce papers yesterday while you were in surgery.” She says “sorry to hear that” I say quietly. I’m happy on the inside cause maybe I do have a chance but I don’t show it ok the outside “no it’s okay, I don’t really love him so” she answers “where do you stay then after the hospital?” I ask “I don’t know yet. Maybe at a hotel or something.” She say thinking about it.“ Portia, I maybe sound stupid, but we can properly go at the same day, you can stay a few days at my house if you want. It’s big enough so. Just if you want to, you don’t have to of course”
Portia POV.
I can’t believe what she just said I try to sound not too enthusiastic and say “wow If you want to do that for me, it will be perfect” “of course you can stay with me don’t worry I don’t have anybody at home.” The hours fly by as we talk and ellen’s mum comes by and sit by her bed, I start to think about my own mum. She’s still in Australia and can’t be here for me, tears forming in my eyes and i feel warm drops fall over my cheeks. When ellen’s mum is gone she looks at my face, “Portia what’s happend?” I tell her about my mum and how I miss her, she carefully stands up out of her bed walks towards me and comes into mine. “i am sorry for you portia come here I’ll hold you.” She wraps her arms around me carefully so she won’t hurt any of us and I borrow my face in her neck crying. I never felt so safe in my whole life


Ellen POV
It’s like a dream, on the one hand I’m really sorry for Portia but on the other hand I’m so happy to have her in my arms! It’s unbelievable! I don’t want to let her go and it seems like she doesn’t want it either. She wraps her arms around my back while she cries. We sit like that for about 15 min before she stopped crying. She looks up into my eyes and whispers a soft thank you. I told her that it’s fine and when I wanted to go back to my bed she takes my arm and turns me around “can you please stay a bit longer? I don’t want to be alone in my bed.” “Of course” I say happy. We end up in a cuddling position watching tv. We’re extremely careful we won’t hit hurt each other

Just said goodbye to my parents

Flying back to Austin today. I won’t see them again until April 2016. 😭

I’m currently in the bathrooms because the stress of the trip, no scissors to cut open my Pentasa and lack of sleep has kind of made me flare a bit (ie there’s blood!) combined with my tear stained face and running mascara means I’m a total mess.

It gets easier right??

Sin In A Suit (Chapter 60)

Yay for an earlier update lol 😋

———————

Chapter 60

Liam

When I finally get her to stop moving, I let my forehead fall against hers in an attempt to normalize our breathing. It takes everything in me, every single muscle in my fucking body to look at her tear stained face. I see the sadness, the fright resided in her eyes as she hopelessly looks at me like the piece of shit that I am.

My tears don’t stop along with my heaves when I cup her head into my hands and start explaining before she walks out of my life for good. “I didn't—I wasn’t cheating on you. I would never, ever fucking do that to you Violet.” I swallow hard.

“So then what was that?” She asks for an explanation, her voice hoarse and tired. “What was that Liam? Because we all saw that. Niall, your sister… Me.” She cries softly.

“No. No.” I repeat, shaking my head. “I love you. I love only you. Never would I cheat on you. Look at my shirt.” I signal with my head and she rolls her eyes.

“I’ve heard enough,” she tries to push me off but I bring her back.

“Just look.” I pull it up for her to see the wet, coffee stain.

“What is that?” Her brows knit in confusion, my thumb wiping away each tear away from her cheeks.

“It’s a coffee stain. Susan came into my office with cookies and coffee. She started talking to me about attending her father’s wedding—whatever the fuck. And then she was saying about how she loves me, how she can’t forget me.”

“That’s not obvious.” Violet says sarcastically. “You’re over your one minute mark.” She reminds me, her eyes going adrift.

“So I’ll spend a million more loving you.” I promise, taking both of her hands in mine as I place gentle kisses on both of them.

“Keep going.” She pulls her hands away from me and I frown.

“Susan said she doesn’t understand why I’m so into you. Said what was the point if I didn’t love you and I proved her wrong. I told her everything I felt about you. How much I love you, what you mean to me. That you’re my world and I want to be in yours for as long as I live. That for the first time in my life I know what it is to be in love.” It sounds like I’m milking this shit but I really am not. I love Violet and I could give less than two fucks about who knows or opposes.

I won’t lose her. Not now, not ever. It was when her eyes had widened when saw Susan and I in my office, the look of feeling betrayed and hurt that I felt it. I felt what she felt. I know what that feeling is like, when the one you love doesn’t think you were good enough. It broke me when we locked gazes and I saw how everything she once thought of me dissolved in a matter of a few seconds.

Violet is silent for the next minute, her mouth open and wide. She’s probably still trying to wrap this around her head. “And then?” Her broken voice asks.

“Told her you were my girlfriend and she freaked out. She knocked down the coffee all over me. It caused me to fall back and she grabbed a cloth to wipe it off of me.”

“And you just let her touch you there?” She points with her eyes.

“No, no it wasn’t like that,” I readjust myself between her legs. “You came in before I could tell her to get off of me. I didn’t want her to touch me Violet. I swear to god baby, I would never ever cheat on you.”

“I—I don’t know Liam.” She shakes her head and looks down, every part of me beginning to panic. She has to believe me. She’s got to.

“Please,” I sob out, sighing slightly when her thumbs wipe the tears away from my eyes. “Please believe me. Please don’t leave me.” I grab ahold of her face and force her to look up at me. I can see my reflection in her, but I can’t tell what she’s thinking.

“I don’t know what to think.” She cries with me.

“Violet I know what it’s like to be cheated on. I know what it does to a person. Do you think I would do that to you?” She couldn’t possibly think that low of me. I may have been an asshole since the day she met me, but that doesn’t mean I’d hurt her like this.

“I’m just, I’m scared.” She heaves as I shake my head and push every tear that falls from her dainty face. “Susan, she’s in love with you. She can’t let you go and she knows you guys once had something so she’d use that to her advantage.”

“But I don’t want her. I love you. I only want to be with you. I would never touch Susan again, even if she were the last person on earth.”

“The thing that worries me most is that she works here, she will always be close to you. I don’t want her near you. I don’t.”

“Neither do I.” I reassure her, her wording giving a small sign that she really does believe me. “What do you want me to do? Fire her?”

“No,” she wipes at her eyes. “I couldn’t ask you to leave her without a job. That’s a different story.”

“So then what?” I press, examining her features for an answer.

Violet shrugs, her bottom lip between her teeth as she tries to come up with something. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this frightened. She’s so stiff and tense, and I just want to kiss her. Pour everything I feel into one kiss and make love to her until it becomes physically impossible to continue.

“Violet,” I gulp, suppressing another heave from the aftermath of my sobs. “You do believe me don’t you? You know I wouldn’t hurt you like that. Please.” I beg, exhaling a heavy and harsh breath.

I can’t lose her. I can’t lose Violet over someone who doesn’t mean a thing to me.

“You really didn’t cheat on me? You wouldn’t if you were given the chance? What if one day Susan or anyone you’ve been with or just any woman wanted you—” I cut her off before she can continue with that blasphemy.

“I promised you I’d always be yours. I have a history with women, I know. I’ve been around, I’ve fucked—I mean slept with,” I catch my misuse of vulgarity, “many, and I’m sorry you’ll always be reminded of that. But none of them could ever or would ever make me feel the things you do.”

All of this makes me sound so fucking sappy but who gives a fuck. I am a sap, I am in love and I want my girlfriend to know that I’m not as much of a piece of shit as she thinks I am.

Our silence is eerily worrying, her gaze wanders but won’t meet mine until her glossy brown eyes finally land on mine and she stands on her toes to catch me off guard with a hard kiss.

Immediately my body reacts and I kiss her back, wrapping her smaller body around my arms as I part her lips fully open to taste every part of her mouth. The taste of our tears mixes together at the same time we let every inhibition go with each smack our lips create.

It’s a purely emotional kiss and I feel the anguish vanish like it was never there to begin with. I feel like every bone in my body has turned into a jello substance just from this. From her showing me that she still loves me despite the many times I will fuck up.

“Violet… I love you.” I groan as she tugs at my hair, leaving her mouth to catch my breath but she pulls me right back in.

“You didn’t cheat on me.” She says confidently.

“I didn’t. Never will. I promise.” It’s a promise that I will never betray her the way I was betrayed. When you’re someone who’s already dealt with so much at a young age only to find someone you thought you loved and them ruining every ounce of hope you had of feeling less than everyone else.

I never thought I’d be pulled out from that rut but here she is, here’s the girl that sees the good in me no matter how fucked up I am in the head, she loves me. She would never leave me and I will never leave her.

“I love you. I love you so much.” She tugs at my tie, her fingers working to undo the knot. “I want you.” She mumbles on my lips.

“Right now?” I question her motives.

“Always.” She sighs.

Fuck. She wants to really do it out here? Right now? I mean, the idea doesn’t put me off. Public sex? Out in the open like this? She’s feistier than I thought.

“Violet, baby, we can’t. Not out here. Wait—wait till I take you somewhere no one can see us.” I have a hard time turning her down because she won’t stop kissing my neck but I know we can’t fuck out here.

“I’m sorry.” She hurriedly apologizes. “I got carried away. I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t apologize. I want it as much as you do, but later. Promise.” My hands rest on her hips.

“Okay.” She mouths, pressing our foreheads together before taking her hand and finding the nearest elevator. I have absolutely no fucking clue what’s going on upstairs in my office. I don’t know if any of them are still in there but we’ve been gone a pretty long while.

I am so fucking glad I know this place like the back of my hand. I knew it wouldn’t be entirely easy to find Violet but I did and now we’re stumbling into an elevator, kissing like our lives depend on it.

“I don’t want to ever feel that again.” She whispers, my tie around her hands as she swings it over my neck and begins to put it back together.

“I know you don’t.” I kiss her nose, plastering my arm above her head to keep our distance close.

“I hate that she loves you. But I can’t hate her for loving you. You’re kind of impossible to not fall in love with. You know that don’t you?” She asks and I smile, shaking my head.

“No, I don’t baby. I don’t know.” I tell her and she sighs, her small fingers bringing the knot of my tie back up to my neck.

“Perfect.” She smiles faintly, her puffy eyes reminding me that I’m such a shit boyfriend but she loves me. Loves me the way I love her.

We lean in to kiss one last time before we make it back up to my floor. There’s a lot of anticipating people watching us as we come out of the elevator. They’re all hiding behind their computers and some of them are talking amongst themselves.

Violet’s grip on my hand tightens and I know she’s scared.

“I suggest you all get back to whatever you were doing if you want to still have a job by the end of today.” I warn them all but meet none of their gazes.

I lead Violet and I back to my office where Niall and Riley sit on the couch and quickly stand when they see us come in. We’ve got a lot to explain, especially for our tear stained faces but I really don’t have the time for that.

“Liam, Violet, oh thank god.” Riley comes up to us first. “What the hell was this all about?” She flings her arms in the air like mad.

“Nothing. It’s all resolved.” I say and mean it, somewhat. “Where’s Susan?” I cough.

“She stepped out, Liam you sure everything’s okay? You guys look… Well you know.” Niall points out the obvious, sympathetically looking between her and I.

“Yeah, yeah.” I clear my throat. “It was a misunderstanding.”

“Why was she touching you then?” Riley frowns, her arms defensively crossed.

“I’ll explain later. I promise.” I tell them and then look at Niall. “Mate, take Riley to your office and call Susan. Tell her to come back here.”

“What?” I hear Violet’s faint voice whisper.

“Yeah man, okay.” Niall nods, clasping his hands around Riley’s shoulders.

“Wait,” she shrugs him off before they’re out the door. “Liam you weren’t…” I can sense the hesitation, her assumption wounds me. Riley knows I would never.

“No booger. I’ll explain later.” I wave them off with my hand, breathing out a heaping load from my lungs when they finally leave and I’m left alone with Violet again.

Her arms hang loose next to her sides, reddened cheeks and innocence are playing a big role on how she looks like right now. Even like this, she’s beautiful. Not when she’s hurt, but she is beautiful and I am so fucking lucky.

“Why did you ask for that woman?” She asks, hugging herself with her arms in a protective way.

“I need her to tell you what I told you.”

“But I believe you.” She mumbles, but I know deep down there’s some reluctance.

“I know, I just need her to say it for reassurance. I don’t want you to not trust me.” I stick my arms out and bring her to my chest. “I love you, you know that right?”

I look down at her and she nods. “I love you Liam. I don’t ever want to lose you to her or to anyone.”

“You won’t. And I don’t want to lose you either. Not to your professor or to Bennett or whoever the fuck else wants you. I worry just as much as you do.”

“I don’t want them.” She whispers, the small pants coming out of her mouth that she wants to finish what we started earlier. She wants it, I do too and I want to fuck her here, make love to her on every piece of furniture in this room but I haven’t forgotten how she feels about that.

And I feel the same way too. I don’t want to share intimate moments with her on top things I’ve done with others. I don’t want to make love to her on a desk where countless of women have been bent over. Nor the couches, the chairs or surface of this fucking office basically.

I need to do something about that, and I will. Soon.

“Ahem.” A cough interrupts our thoughts. From the corner of my eye I see that it’s Susan and she’s standing in the doorway.

Violet stiffens again under my touch and take it as a sign to make this quick.

“Come in.” I tell her, my eyes never leaving Violet’s as I turn to face the redhead. “Tell her what happened.”

Susan’s jaw tightens as she glares at my girlfriend. “Um, I spilled coffee on you and tried to clean you up.” Her tone sounds too fucking innocent for what she really wanted to do in the first place.

“Good. And like I said Peters, Violet is my girlfriend now and I love her. You try to do anything to interfere with that, just as much try to say anything to her, I will make sure you never work for any company ever again. Understood?” I finish off my threat with Violet squeezing my arm to calm down. She is way too fucking pure to feel any sympathy for this woman.

Susan nods though, her bottom lip quivering a bit as she bites the inside of her mouth. “Yes, sir. I’m sorry for the incident. Won’t happen again.” She shakes her head.

“You can leave.” I order and she complies to my request. Not like she had much of a choice.

Things feel normal again when she quietly exits my office and the animosity lessens. “You didn’t have to be that mean.” Violet blinks up at me.

She can’t be serious. But then again her heart isn’t rotten like mine.

“Anyone who tries to get in the way of my happiness and yours doesn’t deserve kindness, Violet.”

“I guess so.” She doesn’t counter back. “I just feel somewhat sorry for her.”

“She doesn’t like you though.” I remind her. Was that harsh?

She shrugs, snorting. “There will always be people that won’t like us, despite not knowing us personally. Doesn’t mean we have to share the same views.”

Beautiful, kind, and understanding? Holy fuck, what isn’t she?

“Come here.” I bring her closer to me and grasp her chin. “I fucking love you.” I growl and press my lips hard against hers. Immediately I let my hands run along the length of her back and cup her ass into my hands, making her yelp in response.

She flutters her lashes at me before she starts to remove her jacket and discards it onto the floor. “I want you.” She whispers against my lips.

“Here?” I ask just to make sure.

She nods assertively.

“On the ground then. I don’t want to do it on the furniture.”

“You remembered?” Her face lights up.

“Course I did.” My fingers find their way up to the zipper of her sweater and I pull it down, revealing the tight, black long sleeve shirt that accentuates her curves and breasts. I push the sweater onto the ground, kicking it away from us.

“Let me,” she points to my shirt and undoes the work she did on my tie. I get too desperate when her fingers aren’t fast enough at unbuttoning my shirt so I pull at both sides, ripping it open and she scoffs. “That was a perfectly good shirt.”

“No, it wasn’t. It was stained.” I bring my mouth over to hers and pull her tight shirt up and over her head and arms. “Jesus.” I groan when I see the bra she’s wearing. They look so perfectly bunched up like that, I almost don’t want to take it off.

“Touch me.” She begs and I do. I don’t waste time on sucking the skin under her ear or the collarbones that I want to leave marks on all over.

It’s rewarding when I hear that pleasurable sound fall from her mouth that makes my cock get hard just from hearing her moan. I haven’t even properly touched her yet. Fuck, fuck I am so not gonna last like this.

Violet pushes down my shirt and unbuckles my belt and unzips my pants at the same time I undo the button on her jeans and slide my hand through her panties and rub her clit instantly.

“Oh my god.” She squeaks and let’s her head fall on my chest.

“Is that good?” I smirk, knowing the answer very well just from the way she pants.

“Please.” She says instead. “Liam I need you. We’ve been fighting too much and I need you. Please.” She reciprocates my actions by letting my pants pool to my ankles and stuffs her hand down my boxers.

I don’t stop rubbing her once she’s got a hand around me and I nearly come from the contact. “Fucking hell.” I hiss. I let my free hand travel behind her back, unhooking her bra and watch is slide off her arms.

I lean forward and wrap one of her nipples around my lips and she yelps, my actions only causing her to go faster on me. “We look ridiculous.” She breathes.

“I know but it’s getting you off.” I admit with a laugh. “Wait here.” I murmur, stopping all orally acts. I kick my shoes off, my socks and pants pushed to the side before running to the couch where I keep a spare blanket behind it.

I lay it on the ground for us, neatly and she giggles, using her arms to cover herself. “It’s clean right?” She looks at it peculiarly.

“Yes.” I assure her, getting down on my knees in front of her before kissing the skin below her tummy. I slide down her jeans and panties in one swift motion, taking her shoes and socks off as well as they completely come off. “You’ve trimmed.” I point out.

She blushes, hiding behind her hands. “I wanted to try something new. I’ve never—you know I’ve never…”

“I know.” I kiss her the curve of her left hip. “Don’t ever be afraid of trying new things.” I say, bringing her down to my level and resting her back on the blanket covered floor.

“You make me feel so confident.” She confesses as I bring my body over hers. I pull my boxers down and have a hand around myself as I pump it slowly whilst staring at her naked, flushed body.

“I want you to feel confident because you feel that you are. Not because of me.” I tell her, thrusting upwardly into my hand until I reach out for my pants and grab a condom from my back pocket. I always keep one, out of habit.

Not like I’m gonna use it if it’s not with her. I guess I carry at least one because I know she’s so irresistible.

My mouth goes to rip the packet but I stop when I become distracted by watching Violet run her hands all over her body and she takes her breasts into her hands and she moans. “Without me?” I raise an eyebrow.

“You seem busy.” She breathes, referring to my hand jerking me off.

Oh, right.

As I bring the packet back up to my mouth again, she grabs ahold of my arm, her face serious and determined. “Do you think, we could go without one this time? We’ll be careful. I just… I want to feel you.” She surprises me by saying.

There’s nothing more I’ve been wanting than for us to feel each other again with no condom. I know it’s so fucking risky not using one but I really can’t turn her down, and I want to feel all of her.

“Fuck it.” I throw the condom to the side and push her legs open, adjusting myself in between her as I bring my cock closer to her heat. “Are you sure you want to do it without one?”

“Yes.” She murmurs, gasping when I tease her slit with my head. I rub it up and down and she’s clenching the blanket with her small fists. Her back arches slightly and I push her back down with my hand.

She’s fucking soaking and I haven’t even pushed myself inside of her. I continue to tease her a few more times before sliding inside of her, instantly feeling it all. Feeling every fucking inch of her walls and it’s fucking mind blowing. I growl at the contact and she whines, moving her hips in slow circles.

“Fuck.” I whisper. “I forgot… How fucking good it feels.” I pull out and slide back in, lifting her leg up to my shoulder to go in deeper.

“It does.” She concurs. “Move, please. I need you to…” Her voice trails off.

“I will, but you just—you feel so good and I don’t want to come in you.”

“You won’t.” She says but I don’t think she’s really aware of the fact that I feel like I’m going to combust because of how snug she is. “Come back.” She breaks me from my trance and I start thrusting in and out of her.

“Fuck,” I let out a breathy murmur. I let my hips twist and roll, my pelvis hitting her every time I’m balls deep in her. My mouth salivates at the way she touches her body, her hands cupping her breasts, followed by pinching her nipples. She gropes them the way I would, and then I realize she’s putting on a show for me. I didn’t even have to tell her to touch herself, she’s doing it all on her own.

Fucking hell this woman is too bloody sexy. For her own good.

I can’t begin to look away. It’s the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen anyone do. “So good Liam, so good.” She breathes a gasp.

“Christ Violet.” I spread her legs further, my merciless thrusts making her eyes roll to the back of her head. She’s biting her hand, she’s biting it so damn hard and I feel my orgasm approaching. Her whimpers are enough to weaken me, make my limbs want to give out but I don’t stop.

God I wish I could last a bit fucking… Longer. But, fuck, she feels just like I remember she did, if not better. Because at least this time I am conscious about the fact that I am fucking her without a barrier to stop me from feeling it all.

I kiss her ankle and pull it down from my shoulder, bringing my body over hers to bury my face in her neck. “I love you.” She tells me.

“Me too… I love you.” I groan, finding her hands and linking them together to hold them above us to fuck the moans out of her. “Birth control… Soon.” I grunt.

“I know.” She wraps her legs around my waist, one of the heels of her feet digging into the bottom of my spine to pull me in closer.

I take her breasts into my mouth and suck on her pink nubs, looking at her through my lashes as her mouth falls open and she cries out my name.

“I only want you. Remember that.” I murmur, my cock twitching as she begins to clench around me.

I love this. I love being able to love this woman. For her to trust me. I know I have given her many reasons to leave me but she’s always by my side, she won’t give up on me like others did. I know it. I don’t deserve her, I don’t deserve what she’s given me; hope. Hope that one day I’ll be able to recover my darkened mind.

“Look at me.” I command, her feverous eyes meeting mine as I kiss her, swallowing her moans as my hand unlinks from hers and I run it down the length of her body.

“We’re having sex in your office, Mr. Payne.” She giggles, her fingers tugging at my hair.

“Always been a dream of mine, Miss Piers.” I smile and laugh with her, our lips attached once more before my muffled grunts give out that I’m gonna come.

My spine is tingling, every part of my body is on fire. This is what she does to me. Why the fuck would I throw it all away by cheating? I would never. She knows this. I know this.

My movements quicken with each hard hitting thrust that has her biting my shoulder to keep her from screaming. I want her to scream so bad but her moans and whimpers belong to me right now and I don’t want to share them with anyone else.

I can feel her and she can feel me, the way we fit each other so perfectly. We make each other want rip our heads off sometimes, it’s only because we butt heads a lot and if we didn’t it would be boring. But I love her, I love what she’s done to me and I always will.

“I have to pull out. I have to—fuck.” I abruptly pull out of her tight, wet walls and I find myself coming on her abdomen, her small, quick breaths proving that she still hasn’t orgasmed herself. My body is shaking as I pump out my release all over her hot skin, my ragged pants louder than usual. I let my head fall as the adrenaline courses through me and nearly knocks me the hell out.

“Are you okay?” Concern takes over her features as her thumb rubs my flushed cheeks.

“Yeah, I just, I come hard when I don’t have a condom on.” I admit with a little embarrassment. It is embarrassing. It makes it seem like I’ve been holding back or something. “Do you want me to…” I point between her legs. “I’m sorry I couldn’t last long enough to—”

“It’s okay.” She kisses my nose. “Better safe than sorry.” She breathes, taking my head into her hands and leaving a quick to my forehead. “Be my guest.” I can feel her smile on my skin.

“Might want to bite your hand again.” I instruct as I move my body down and slot my head in between her thighs. “It’s my turn.” I mumble and wink, my mouth and tongue on her in the next second after my promise.

Violet

“You gave me another hickey.” I frown at the mirror as I try to reapply my makeup so I don’t look like we just had sex on the floor of his office. Which we did. And I found it so exhilarating.

“You’d be surprised at how many I give you in certain spots knowing you won’t see them.” He smugly murmurs, like he’s proud of himself for that.

I scoff and roll my eyes, crouching to get my sweater from the ground. He found a clean shirt in one of the drawers of his desk which I’m glad or else he would have walked out of here shirtless.

“You’re morbid.” I say to him, giggling as I grab my shoes and sit on the chair to put them back on. My phone then goes off in my back pocket, the ringing a nuisance but it could be Jason, and I wouldn’t live with myself if it was really important.

“Who is it?” Liam curiously asks as I shrug and fetch for my phone, the contact name across my screen making me frown and panic instantly.

It’s Bennett. Shit. What does he want now? I haven’t spoken to him since, well since Liam and I got back together. In a weird way I’m glad he’s calling because at least I know he’s okay even after he drove home drunk. He’s an idiot for that.

“What’s wrong?” Liam notices my reluctance to answer the phone, his hands redoing his tie around his collar.

“It’s um, it’s Ben.” I bite my lip, scared to look at Liam’s reaction. I keep my eyes focused on the random object in front of me. He’s going to have a fit and I won’t hear the end of it.

“Bennett?” He’s curt with the use of Ben’s name. “What does he want?” His voice is too calm for this situation. I’m surprised he hasn’t smashed my phone against the wall.

I shrug again, unsure. “Don’t know.” I breathe, looking at the screen and back up at Liam. My thumb presses on the green button and I attach it to my ear.

“Violet, hey.” He nervously mumbles.

“Ben, hey, um now’s not a good time.”

“I just wanted to apologize for last week. I was way out of line and I know I shouldn’t have dried drunk.”

“It’s okay,” I look at Liam and he’s rolling his eyes. Why isn’t he saying anything? “You’re forgiven. Anything else?”

“Yeah, um, wanna hang soon? As friends, promise.” He chuckles, but I’m more focused on the way Liam flares his nostrils.

“I’ll get back to you on that. Okay? I have to go.”

“Yeah. Just wanted to tell you that.” He sighs as we both click on end at the same time.

Hurriedly I stand from my chair, rubbing my sweaty hands all over my jeans. “Liam,” I try explaining myself and he turns. “Your silence is scaring me. Say something.”

“Say what?” He murmurs. “You know how I feel about that asshole, I hate him. I wish you would keep away from him but I can’t control what you do or don’t want to do.”

“He’s just a friend. You know how I feel about him too.” I bravely step closer to him, happy that he doesn’t step back.

“A friend who wants you.” He snorts sarcastically. “I know how stubborn you are and always want to see the good in people, so that’s why I want to let you see on your own what type of person Bennett is. Who he really is, someone to not be trusted.”

“You always say that.” I giggle, hoping it will lighten the mood.

“Because I’m always right.” A smile tickles the corner of his mouth and I know I have him back. His arms wraps around my waist and he pulls me in. “I wanted to ask you something and I’m hoping you’ll say yes.”

“What?” I run my fingernail over his cute nose.

“Want to go on a date? A real one?” He asks, his offer taking me by surprise.

My smile grows. “A date? You say it like we’ve never been on one.”

“I know but that date was a disaster. I want a new one. I have something in mind but it’s a surprise.”

“Is it?” My interest is piked.

He nods. “I just have to get home and get changed. You know, our home.” He jokes and I nudge his arm.

“Don’t start.” I point my finger at him and expectantly await this mystery date.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀• • •

“What do you mean you have a date? Jason, no. You’re too young.” I scold my little brother for obvious reasons. Who does he think he is going on dates? He’s only thirteen. He shouldn’t even be thinking about dating.

I feel like the overprotective big sister but that’s only because I’m not home to make sure he doesn’t screw up anything. The kid is young and vulnerable and has absolutely no idea what he’s doing.

“Will you chill? She’s a girl I met at school. She’s in the school play I work for and we’re just going to the Christmas fair.” He tells me and I hold my hand out over my heart. He’s going without me? That was our thing.

And now I’m being replaced by some girl I don’t even know. “I was supposed to be there when you went on your first date.” I whine and stomp my foot.

“Well you don’t live here anymore sis. I just wanted to let you know. Besides there’s gonna be like a lot of my friends over there so we won’t be alone.”

“I know I just hate that you’re growing up.” I pout and turn my head to see if Liam’s finished getting changed yet. He’s been gone an awful lot of time and I’m starting to get worried. “And mom?” I ask.

“She just got back from work. She looked pretty exhausted.” He chuckles and I hear the rambling of keys. “I gotta go. You’ll be coming home soon right?”

“Of course.” I smile. “You better like what I got you.”

“Same to you.”

“Bye Jason.”

“Bye.”

We both hang up at the same time that Liam comes out of his room dressed in dark jeans and a zipped up leather jacket. His hair is more slicked back, his face looks fresh and I can smell his cologne from over here.

He looks hot. I mean he always does but I like this look. What a bad boy.

“You ready?” He asks as he puts his gloves on.

I nod. “Been ready.” I stand and take his hand. “So wanna tell me where we are going?”

“Patience, Miss Piers.” He holds a finger over my lips.

We then make our way out of his flat, hand in hand and down to his shiny black car. It’s the R8, my favorite one. I hope he’ll let me drive it again some time, I felt cool in it.

“Are you going to tell me now?” I ask when we’ve driven for a bit with no real destination.

“If you insist,” he smiles. “Remember how a few months ago you told me you wanted to go see Millennium park? Well, we’re going ice skating.” He tells me.

“What?” The word falls from my mouth. I can’t ice skate. “I don’t know how.”

“Which is why you’ll have your amazingly skilled boyfriend teach you.”

“You skate?” I giggle.

“It’s a very fun activity Miss Piers.” He gets defensive, his eyebrows furrowing together. “Maybe you’ll grow to like it.”

I picture myself with white skates on ice and scrunch my nose at the thought. I can’t ice skate, I only ever learned how to roller skate but even then I remember how I scraped my knee and elbow when I first tried it.

And now on ice? I’d slip and make myself look like an idiot. Knowing Liam he would laugh his ass of before reaching to help me. I’d swat his arm, he’d grab my hands and kiss me while we’d glide around the rink.

“Earth to Violet.” Liam snaps his fingers at me as he puts the car on park. “We’re here. Come on.” He ushers me to get out of the car and I do just that, unbuckling my seatbelt to quickly get out of the warm vehicle.

“This is so beautiful.” I stare in awe at the pretty lights around the trees, around the park, the very lovely Christmas decorations. It’s all so beautiful and I’ve realized how much I have been missing out on this beautiful city.

Liam pays for the parking, which is ridiculously expensive, but is soon forgotten when he leads us where plenty of people swiftly move around the rink. The first thing I notice are the couples who hold hands, and that one person who knows what they’re doing and shows up everyone.

I know Liam hasn’t done things like this in a long time but I love the fact that he’s trying for me. He is going out of his comfort zone to make up from the scare we had earlier. To think everything we’ve ever been through could have been thrown away like nothing makes me shudder.

I know Liam loves me, like I love him, but that still doesn’t stop me from feeling threatened because he’s wanted. He’s attractive, young, rich… He’s everything a lot of people want.

“What size for the miss?” A sweet old lady’s voice tears me away from my thoughts and I smile unknowingly at her.

“Um, seven?” I question and she hands them over to me.

I look at the skates peculiarly before convincing myself that this is just a disaster waiting to happen. I should have protested against this but he thought it all up by himself. I can’t say no to his cute idea of a date.

We change out of our shoes and put them away in a rented locker, finding a bench to put the skates around our feet. If tying them is this hard I can’t imagine what it will be like when my ass falls on the ice.

I have a tendency of doing that. That’s how I met this man.

“Oh come on Violet, it’s not that hard.” Liam chuckles and gets down on one knee to help me tie them up.

“I’m gonna fall.” I start to panic before I even make it to the ice.

“No you won’t. I won’t let you.” He promises as he takes my hands and helps me up from the bench. I can hardly stay still. It’s not easy to balance yourself on a blade.

I close my eyes for a moment, opening them the next second and noting that I’m literally gliding on the ice. Oh my god I am going to die.

“I change my mind.” I am quick to say but Liam laughs and shakes his head.

“You’ve been on the ice for thirty seconds without falling babe. That’s impressive.” He skates backwards and I wonder how he does that. “Come, let’s go towards the ledge.” He instructs. I’m stiff as a cardboard but I safely make it to the ledge and grip it for dear life. “I’m gonna go easy on you rookie.”

“Shut up.” I playfully frown. “Don’t let me die.” I squeak.

He’s finding my fear so amusing. Bastard. If I could hit him I would but I’m afraid if I move I’ll bust my head open. Not worth it.

“You think I’d let the love of my life fall to her death? Never.” He sticks his tongue out and I reach up to kiss him.

We continue to skate around the rink as I hold onto the sides and silently pray that I don’t fall. He’s being really patient when I’m running thin on mine.

My feet do this zigzag motion and I feel like I am not as bad as I thought I was. This isn’t bad at all.

“Okay, I think you can let go of the side now.” He laughs at my dismay.

Let go? I’d rather not.

“No! No, Liam please—” he cuts me off.

“I won’t let you fall.” He laughs at me again. “Just give me your hands again.”

Reluctantly, I let go of the ledge and put my entire trust in him, letting my body press against his just in case I fall forward he can fall with me.

“See?” He inquisitively mutters. “Not so bad huh?”

It’s not? I can’t tell. My eyes are closed.

“I guess.” I breathe. We skate once more around the rink before he bends to whisper in my ear.

“I’m gonna let go now.” He distances himself and let’s me go before I can even respond.

He did not just let me go? Is he out of his mind?

“Liam, what the hell?” I yell at him. But he doesn’t care, he’s too busy laughing at the way I stand so I don’t fall. I hear a few people laugh beside me and it makes me want to hit him even more.

“This is ace.” He grabs his stomach, his head thrown back in amused laughter.

“If ever get to you Liam James Payne, I swear to go—AH!” I yelp as I miss my step and slide, my ass on the cold ice just like I knew I would be.

Ouch. As if I haven’t recovered from that spanking and now this. Give me a break.

“Liam,” I whine. “You promised you wouldn’t let go you ass.” I cross my arms around my chest, sitting flat on the iced floor as people pass me by and snicker over the ordeal.

“I’m sorry, but you didn’t really think I’d miss out on the opportunity to see you fall did you?” His body is racked in laughter, his smile so wide his cheeks reach all the way to his eyes, making them squint in an adorable way.

Damn him for being so cute.

If I wasn’t so annoyed with him right now I’d tell him how stinking adorable he looks even if it means that my humiliation is his entertainment. “I hate you.” I pout.

I should get up or something. How though? If I get up I will only end up down here again. I have one option.

I begin to crawl my way back to the benches, apologizing when I stop traffic. “Violet where are you going?” Liam yells.

“Away from you, you liar!” I yell back and am thankful some of the people here help me up to my feet.

Liam skates his way to the door, his hands reaching out to touch me but I push them away. “Are you mad?” He chuckles.

“Yes!” I groan and wobble my way back to the bench. My ass has been through a lot in one week. Poor ass. “You said you wouldn’t let me fall.” I bat my lashes at him in an innocent way.

“I didn’t think you’d get hurt that bad.” He frowns, worry taking over his face. I’m not mad, I actually want to laugh too but revenge is so much sweeter. “Kiss it make it better?” He winks and my eyes widen.

I hear the couple next to me cough and I hide my face. Can he not be so open about kissing my ass in a literal way?

“Get away from me.” I fight the smile forming on my lips. If I make him believe I’m mad, then he’ll do something for me in return I hope.

“Kiss me.” He softly commands, but I shake my head and turn him down. “Pretty please baby? Kiss me. I’m sorry.” He purses his lips and makes silly kissing noises. I can’t deny that I love this playfulness out of Liam. He makes it really hard to resist him.

“I won’t.” I cross my arms and slide away from him.

“What can I do to make it better?”

Now he’s talking. “Go back out there and fall on your ass.”

The look on his face right now is priceless. If I could take a picture I would because this is just too dang perfect. “Really?” He whines. “I had other things in mind.” His tone gives away that he was thinking way differently than me. In that way. As always.

“Do it or I leave.” I threaten, making it more interesting by standing but he stops me, kissing my inner palm as he rolls his eyes and looks around the place.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you.” He jokes and finds himself back in the rink, skating so fluently towards the middle where he pauses and looks at me. He swings his arms up in the air as he lets himself fall butt first on the ice, watching the way his face contort with pain.

He’s laughing the pain off as well as making others laugh while they stare between the both of us. Probably thinking that we’re both two weird people who will do just about anything to please each other.

I laugh at the way he just sits there and moves his feet from side to side, shrugging as he shoots me a smile from afar.

“You’re insane.” I giggle, glad that his fall wasn’t as bad as mine. Liam gets back up with no trouble, skates over to me and grabs my arms to bring me back in the rink.

“For you, yes.” He looks down at me.

“Are you ready to teach me now? Seriously this time?”

He contemplates it but gives in either way. “Why not? I’d love to watch you fall a few more times.” If it wasn’t because he’s having such a good time I would leave. This sport is just not for me.

He does keep his promise of taking it serious this time by holding my hand as we circle the rink. I stumble when some guy passes by me and pushes me with his shoulder. I yelp and Liam throws me behind him.

“Watch where you’re going you fucking—”

“Liam,” I press my hand on his arm. “Don’t start a fight.”

“The next asshole who pushes you isn’t getting away with it.” He threatens but it’s idle. Instead I laugh and wrap my arms around his waist as we skate. Little by little, I start getting the hang of this.

The skating, the laughing, the atmosphere, the cheerful Christmas music, us. All of this is like out of a movie or a fairytale. And I’m living mine.

“Move in with me.” He blurts out of the blue, suddenly everything dimming down.

“Liam—”

“Please just move in with me. Violet I can’t stand not waking up with you and going to bed with you. I know you’re scared but I promise you I would never, ever let you be homeless.”

“You’re still on this?” We skate towards the ledge again.

“We’ve had too many scares already. I’m so terrified that the next thing will be it.”

“It won’t be.” I soothe his worries away.

We’re both scared of many things, for different reasons. But they make sense.

“What should I do?” He cups my face and licks his lips.

“Nothing, just give me some time. That’s all I need from you.” I reach up to touch his face, his eyes closing as my fingers ghosts over his soft skin.

“I love you, you know that don’t you?” He asks for reassurance.

I nod. “How much?”

“Enough so I can scream it to the world.” He challenges.

I take him up on his offer. “So do it!” I order, not thinking that he’ll actually do it. He takes me by surprise when he gives me his don’t underestimate me look and glides away from me to skate towards the middle of the rink again.

My cheeks heat up as he clears his throat and clasps his hands together. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he grabs almost everyone’s attention. They’re listening. “I know some of you could care less about this but I love my girlfriend, she’s over there,” he points towards me, “and she makes me so damn happy. She wanted me to tell the world so I am. Now everyone knows.” He chuckles, the crowd roaring in cheers and applauses at such brave act.

“You are so…” I begin to say before he cuts in and shrugs.

“Yeah, I know.” He mumbles, grinning from side to side like the true young adult he is at heart. “Let’s go.” He motions over to the exit with his head, his hand finding mine as we cap off this amazing night with shared laughs, fond looks and banana splits.

“All good things turn to Ash,” I whisper, tears rolling down my face as all my favorite possessions begin their metamorphosis into Ash Ketchum. he’s just turned ten. He’s beginning his Pokemon adventure.

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tears STREAMED down my face in laughter