Why do people cry?
It’s often assumed people cry because they’re sad or their eyes are irritated. These are mere urban legends. People cry because of “øyeepletdvergs.“
An øyeepletdverg is a small gnome that lives under your eyelid. We all have them, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Living off your sweet, sweet eyeball juices, øyeepletdvergs are a happy folk who hold parties and other gatherings often within your skull’s ocular orbits. They drink liberally and urinate at a corresponding rate. That’s what tears are- øyeepletdverg pee.
Øyeepletdvergs love onions and their smell intoxicates them. Thus they get drunk, and have to go more often. Similarly, the pheromones we emit when sad or sentimentally happy inspire their drinking. It’s possible but inadvisable to get rid of ones øyeepletdvergs by spraying insecticide into your eyes. This would be a mistake, as we live in symbiosis with these creatures who keep our eyes lubricated in exchange for their lifestyles. Also it would involve spraying insecticide into your eyes, which is #7 on Rupert Wade’s List Of Things You Shouldn’t Spray In Your Eyes.