support problems

So my bestie at uni told me yesterday that it turns out that her shitcake of a boyfriend has a son of his last girlfriend (he didn’t know that he’d had his last gf pregnant until the girl found out he was the dad like a year after having slept with all his friends I don’t blame her bc the dude’s not pretty but he got some REAL nice friends)

And like the other girl don’t really care about my friend’s boyfriend anymore but she wants (and has the right to by law) the economical support and the huge problem here is that my friend is like me and deeply dislikes the kid but OF COURSE the guy’s parents are already dead in love with their new baby and are treating her like shit bc of it. FORTUNATELy the man does stand by my friend and does not feel anything for his ex, though he seems to be already liking the fucking brat.

And what makes me furious is that she still wants the asshole??? Like???? Why. What did he do for you. How big is his dick that you love him enough to put up with the fact that he has a kid that’s ugly as skinned frog and that the dude’s parents don’t like you. WHY are you still with im.

Like I feel so lost sometimes because I know I am aro, and I do not feel romantic attraction so it’s super weird for me to have opinions about these things but I still feel sometimes that there must be something wrong with me because I keep asking myself why do I seem to be the only person around who is unable to forgive people. It frustrates me so much. IDK if I am frustrated for my friend of because of because I don’t understand

Finding things you can fix when things are really wrong

ischemgeek said to realsocialskills:

Advice on expressing sympathy and lending emotional support to a family member whose child may be facing a serious illness? Both for the “dunno for sure” phase and for the “know for sure either way” phase. Comforting is not my strong suit and halp plz because this can’t be fixed so soothing is only way to be helpful.

realsocialskills said:

This is the second part of my answer to this question. The first part was about emotional support. This part is about practical support.

I think that there are probably some things you can fix in this situation.

The problem of possible illness can’t be fixed. Secondary problems surrounding the situation *can* be fixed.

When a child is facing a serious illness, all kinds of practical things get complicated. Diagnosing and treating illness involves a lot of medical appointments, tests, insurance wrangling, and other complications. And it happens with no warning, when people are already busy with other things. They’re probably both physically and emotionally exhausted. They probably could use a lot of help.

Some possible problems that might be solveable:

Childcare:

  • If you live nearby and are comfortable babysitting, offering to watch their kids some could be really helpful
  • If they have other kids, someone has to watch them while they’re at medical appointments with the possibly-sick kid
  • Suddenly needing more childcare than you expected to need is a logistical nightmare, and it is very likely that they don’t have as much help as they need
  • Even if they only have the one child, more childcare would probably be helpful
  • The obligations of life don’t go away when a child gets sick, and there are likely many things they’re behind on that are hard to catch up on while caring for a child

Helping kids with homework:

  • If their kids go to school, they likely have a lot of weekly homework that they need adult support with
  • This can get very complicated if parents are suddenly very busy and emotionally exhausted
  • Even if you don’t live nearby, if you can be available for some homework help over email or Skype, that could take a *lot* of pressure off of the family.

Communicating and running interference:

  • When a kid gets sick, a lot of people want constant updates
  • This is generally exhausting and burdensome to the kid and the parents
  • Sometimes it helps to have a point person for updates and boundary-assertion
  • Or someone to run a CaringBridge page so they don’t have to
  • I don’t know if they’d want this or if you’d want to do this; some people find this helpful but I don’t know what they want or what your relationship with them is like

Helping them with the insurance company and other bureaucracy:

  • If they are in the US, an insurance company is probably being awful to them and refusing to pay for things
  • Or making things needlessly complicated and confusing
  • They also might need to apply for government or charitable assistance at some point
  • Which is hard to do when you’re overwhelmed and exhausted and have never done so before
  • If you’re good at navigating that kind of thing, you might be able to help them
  • Or you might be able to do research and find out things that can help them
  • Again, I don’t know if they’d want this kind of support from you or not. Some people do; some don’t

Money:

  • Illness is expensive no matter where you live, even under ideal circumstances
  • And unexpected major expenses make life really hard
  • If you are in a position to help them financially, it would probably make some things significantly easier for them
  • Money can’t fix the biggest problem, but it can go a long way towards fixing the secondary problems

Other general life logistics: There are a lot of things that get hard when there’s a crisis, that they might welcome help with:

  • Keeping their house clean
  • Cooking some food (or ordering them the occasional pizza)
  • Mowing the lawn if they have one
  • Getting groceries and supplies
  • Picking up prescriptions
  • Getting kids to and from school
  • Keeping their computers and network in good working order
  • Making sure bills get paid on time

These are the things I can think of offhand. I don’t know which, if any, it makes sense for you to do. I don’t know the extent to which your relationship with them makes help appropriate. I think it is likely that there are things that you could do to be materially helpful — and also important to realize that you don’t have to do all of them (and probably shouldn’t).

tl;dr When someone’s facing a major life problem that you can’t solve, they’re generally also facing secondary problems that it’s possible to help them with. Scroll up for some specific suggestions.

  • government:to get a good job u gotta go to college
  • me:k, cool. sign me up.
  • government:no, no, lol. u have to pay.
  • me:but... you just said to get a good job i have to do this first.
  • government:k, wats ur point???
  • me:...well, the point is i don't have the money to pay for this yet.
  • government:not my problem lol shoulda done better in school.
  • me:but... it's hard to do well in school when--
  • government:mmhm, next.
  • me:but--
  • government:NEXT!
Being a Support in League:

All the work, no credit.

A Karma that couldn’t beat Ahri in her lane got at least 2 honors.

My ADC that I fed OUT THE ASS with hooks and stuns as Thresh gets honors.

What do I get for working my ass off for my team to accumulate kills?

Nothin. 

Nothin for landing almost all my hooks, using my Q again in a proper manner, and landing my box on the entire team more than once.