ofjimkirk said:

Imagine Bones holding Jim in his arms, kneeling on the floor and feeling like the world is going cold; "Please, Jim, darlin', God, you can't do this to me, please-don't leave-," and a blood stained hand reaches up to cup Bones cheek, smearing it with red warm liquid, Bones' own hand coming up to hold Jim's to his cheek, savoring the slowly leeched warm that gives way to icy coldness. "Jim-," He sobs, pressing his forehead to Jims. He doesn't even realize it when Jim stops breathing.


Bones always regrets that moment, because he knows Jim. He knows Jim so well. And in that moment, Bones should have said it was okay, that it was fine, even if it was a goddamn lie, because the guilt Jim must’ve felt. It would have been the worst feeling the blond ever had in his whole life. And not only did Bones beg him to stay, he failed to save his life. As the CMO Jim placed in charge, that was completely unacceptable. He spiraled, dipped, fell into a dark abyss of the space he hated so much.

Two years later, they find the doctor’s body in a bedroom, a liquor bottle and empty bottle of painkillers on the side table with a picture of Jim clutched in his hands.

anonymous said:

Anhedonia!Anon~ Ahh! You got to my thing! Alright! Now- S7 Sam and Familial Fatal Insomnia

Sam finds out because of Jess.

She’s in love with her Genetics class, and with her Immunology class, and her Advanced Proteins class - and basically every one of her biology classes that explores how the human body works. So when she learns about genetic screening, she immediately wants to try it.

Sam’s less keen, but when Jess turns her big blue eyes on him and begs for it as a birthday present, his defences crumble.

He doesn’t expect to find out about the FFI gene.

Jess lasts about ten minutes before the first tear rolls down her cheek.

It takes him all night to talk Jess down, to point out that the average age of onset is fifty, that there are ways to improve quality of life, that biological research is constantly advancing, and there may even be a cure by the time he’s affected.

Jess is working with a professor studying prions and genetics by the end of the week.

Sam calls his father and Dean once a week for nearly three months, leaving voicemails about what he’s found and begging them to get tested. If they’re lucky (and he hates himself for thinking it) he got the gene from his mother, and John is safe, while Dean only has a 50% chance of having the dominant gene.

Jess bites down on the instinct to point out that if either Mary or John had two dominant alleles of the gene, then Dean would automatically share the same fate as Sam. There’s no way to know for sure unless Dean gets tested, and Sam needs all the hope he can get.

In 2006, Jess is dead, John is dead, Dean doesn’t have the gene, and a paper comes out about a man with FFI who extended his lifespan by a year. Sam has it bookmarked ten seconds after finding it, and spends months hijacking university networks to access all the related research he can. (He finds Jess’ only published paper from undergrad and stares at it for an hour, remembering how hard Jess worked on it, how many nights she spent on the couch with him trawling through research articles while he wrote his own essays, how proud she was when it came out in PNAS, three days before he got his LSAT score.)

Six years later, Sam can’t sleep and Lucifer’s doing his level best to remind him of the Cage. The doctors pump him full of sedatives that don’t work and only make the hallucinations worse, and Sam remembers with dread barbiturates only exacerbate the clinical symptoms -

Twenty-eight years old, and he’s going to die.

It’s more time than he ever thought he’d have.

It’s not enough time at all.

Cas takes Lucifer away, but the insomnia stays, and Dean dies before Sam can figure out how to tell him.

He’s sitting in the Impala trying to figure out what to do, if he should try and get Dean back, if Cas is really gone, when he tallies up the past months and realises he’s already in the last stage of the disease.

There’s no more time.

Soon he won’t be able to move or speak, and when he finally loses the ability to breathe, he’ll die. This isn’t the Cage, where Lucifer can just bring him back (though maybe when this is all over and he returns to the Cage, Lucifer will.)

Sam gets in the Impala and drives.

He keeps driving until he hits a dog, and he can’t let him die, doesn’t want to let his last act be a mistake. So he takes him to a vet, demands the doctors take care of him, and stumbles out with a sad smile when a feisty redhead tries to make him take it home.

He’s already losing the ability to speak and walk.

There’s no more time.

He parks the Impala at the side of the road and walks until he reaches a cliff. It’s beautiful out here, wild and open and free. The sky is cloudless and blue as a robin’s egg. There’s a note in the Impala asking that she be taken to a good home, to someone who will appreciate her beauty and worth, instead of sitting in an impound lot somewhere, gathering dust.

Sam takes one last breath, and jumps.

Maybe I Will: A Welcome to Hell Fanfiction

[[Um hi. Oboeist here. You know that thing I suddenly started blogging about, Welcome to Hell? Well this is a fanfic I thought up purely on the thought ‘What if Jonathan finally agreed to kill himself?’ What follows is only the rambling a mad non-binary with too much free time. That being said, I hope you enjoy it and DFTBA.]]

After almost a year of being pestered by an upbeat, skirt wearing demon from Hell, on a particularly bad day in the middle of February, Jonathan Combs finally snapped.

"Fine! I’ll kill myself alright! Just shut up!" he snapped at Sock, who had previously been hovering above his head and attempting to distract him from his Stats homework with wide, sharp toothed faces and a barrage of banter not even his headphones could drown out.

Read More

I love you for being you

Oh my god this is the most depressing fic I have ever written I’m so sorry don’t read this if you don’t want to be sad.

Warnings: Major character death, suicide, implied depression and anxiety, sadness oh my god it’s so sad i’m sorry

Word count: 1,007

He’d made his decision.

Read More

anonymous said:

So I know people keep saying it gets better but I was first raped 15 years ago & again a few years ago by someone else and it doesn't seem to get better & I'm trying. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. Even though I'm not actually depressed I still think of just killing myself a ton because it would be easier than dealing with everything. I'm a pretty positive person & it all feels so contradictory to constantly think about death. Is this normal? It feels horrible & I hope it passes.

It doesn’t magically get better, no.

It takes a mix of trying and having the right resources and a little bit of luck too.

As for the killing yourself thoughts— here’s a post about suicidal ideation.

I believe you when you say you’re trying, but I would venture to say that you might be trying to solve a calculus problem using algebra or geometry.  Which isn’t your fault, you’re using the resources you have- and unfortunately there aren’t text books or classes about healing from trauma. 

Learning to cope with PTSD is overwhelming. My best advice is to break it down. Whatever your symptoms are. Suicidal Ideation, Flashbacks, Nightmares, whatever.

and pick one- maybe two. and then… dive in.

focus only on trying to improve those areas. and try everything. Talk to other survivors, ask them what worked for them. Look things up. The master list has posts on a lot of symptom type things and it can help. and when I say try everything- I do mean within reason, but also, give it an -honest- try. Not just ‘they said deep breathing and I tried that once without knowing there’s a proper method so it didn’t work and I’m never going to try that again’.

Also recognize that it isn’t about finding one solution. It’s about layering skills and self soothing.  One thing isn’t going to make it all go away- it’s about finding a handful or so of things that all together work to make life easier.

Closed rp with hierophantogreen


Life is slowly slipping from his fingers day by day. The days blur together into one unrecognizable heap, leaving Kakyoin to float aimlessly around. It’s been two months since Egypt. Two months since he had last seen Hierophant. Two months since Kakyoin had felt whole.

The red head stands on the roof of the school building, watching solemnly as a pair of girls finish their lunch and hurry back to class. He’s alone again, of course. Jotaro’s been skipping again despite the massive load of homework they both need to do. Kakyoin isn’t surprised.

Kakyoin slowly walks toward the edge of the roof, feeling the wind ruffle his uniform. It hangs on his frame, hiding the weight he’s lost. He stares down at the ground below, eyes tracking the movement of students. Everyone is returning to class.

It’d only take a few seconds to reach the ground from this height.

anonymous said:

human au darkstripe is suicidal and terrified that he'll be pulled back into the horrible shit tigerstar put him through, while constantly feeling horrible that he was never convicted for anything he did. he joins a therapy group session thing with other people that'd been involved in that sort of activity, and meets Beetlewhisker, Thistleclaw, Snowtuft, Ivypool, Breezepelt and Silverhawk. while him and silver hit it off he becomes surprisingly close with ivypool


This breaks my heart

I came across a post on facebook and saw someone ask advice on what they should make as a keepsake for a suicidal youth so that he knows he is loved and thought about..then a mother commented that she also would like advice on what she could make for her two children as well, since they have both made attempts. The fact that our youth are hurting so badly and that suicide has become such an epidemic is heartbreaking. So many of our youth are in crisis and I feel that we have to unite our communities and heal. European colonization has hurt so many generations of Indegenous people.. but so many people don’t understand that. I hope something changes soon

No One Sings Songs for Sad Black Girls

I was only twelve years old when I first contemplated suicide. With tears laced with my father’s verbal lashings and a crippling self hatred streaming down my face, I emptied a bottle of painkillers into my hand, preparing to swallow them down. My mother walked in, talking me down off the proverbial cliff I had climbed onto and sent me off to school. 

Read More


oh god one of my close internet friends just tried to kill herself. i don’t have her last name so i’m not sure to get help over to her, but i have her tumblr urls and it would be so, so appreciated if you had her contact info because fuck i am so worried

her blogs are notapipsqueak and attackonymirsass, please PLEASE call someone if you have her info or at least let me know because she’s stoppe d responding to my messages and i’m so scared

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, and this is a reminder that bisexuals are at higher risk for suicide.

"When controlled for potentially confounding factors, bisexual men were 6.3 times more likely and gay men 4.1 times more likely than heterosexual men to report lifetime suicidality. Among women, bisexuals were 5.9 times more likely and lesbians 3.5 times more likely to report lifetime suicidality than their heterosexual counterparts.” (x)

Here is a list of hotlines to call if you need to talk to someone. If any of the information is incorrect or outdated, please let us know. Feel free to reblog and add on additional hotlines.

United States Hotlines

  • Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
  • Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
  • LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
  • Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
  • Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
  • Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
  • Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
  • Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
  • Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
  • Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-439-4253

International Hotlines

  • Canada 514-723-4000
  • United Kingdom 08457-90-90-90
  • Argentina 23-930430
  • Armenia 2-538-194 or 2-538-197
  • Australia 1800-198-313
  • Austria 01-713-3374
  • Barbados 429-9999
  • Brazil 21-233-9191
  • China 852-2382-0000
  • Costa Rica 506-253-5439
  • Croatia 0800-123-123 (work days 10h-22h)
  • Cyprus 0-777-267
  • Denmark 70-201-201
  • Egypt 7621602
  • Estonia 6-558-088
  • Finland 040-5032199
  • France 01-45-39-4000
  • Germany 0800-1110-111
  • Guatemala 502-254-1259
  • Holland 0900-0767
  • Honduras 504-237-3623
  • Hungary 62-420-111
  • India 91-22-307-3451
  • Italy 06-7045-4444
  • Japan 3-5286-9090
  • Lithuania 8-800-2-8888
  • Malaysia 03-756-8144
  • Mauritius 46-48-889 / 800-93-93
  • Mexico 525-510-2550
  • New Zealand 4-473-9739
  • Nicaragua 505-268-6171
  • Norway 815-33-300
  • Poland 52-70-000
  • Portugal 239-72-10-10
  • Republic of Ireland 1850-60-90-90
  • Russia 8-20-222-82-10 007 8202 577 577
  • Serbia 021-6623-393 (14h-23h)
  • Singapore 800-221-4444 (000-227-0309) (24 hrs / 7 days)
  • Slovenia 116-123 (24/7)
  • Southern Africa 0861-322-322 (24 hrs)
  • South Korea 2-715-8600
  • Spain 91-459-00-50
  • Sri Lanka 1-692-909
  • St. Vincent 809-456-1044
  • Sweden 031-711-2400
  • Switzerland 143
  • Thailand 02-249-9977
  • Trinidad & Tobago 868-645-2800
  • Ukraine 0487-327715 / 0482-226565
  • Yugoslavia 021-623-393