Don't kill yourself. not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever; you're like the rain. some people may not like you, but you serve a purpose. the world needs you.

If you’re looking for a reason to stay alive tonight this is it.

TW: so suicidal in the ward again.

I cut myself again.
Idk how but I just always have some ways to hurt myself ugh.
I guess self hate and all these anger inside me makes that up.

It’s the second incident so the nurse told me that there’ll be an issue tomorrow and it’ll be reported to the ward consultation (team 2 main consultant) and they’ll discuss my case.

They shifted my bed from the deep corner to the one just right in front of the nurses counter.
The area whereby there’s no camera and ya know, for people who needed close monitoring.

So I got shifted from bed 15 to bed 22. Sigh.
Also, another disgusting fact about me.
It’s been 2 days since I last showered. I don’t even give a damn anymore.

Today the doctor came to have a session with dad and aunt. I broke down before he even make it to the ward for the session.
Self harming in front of him and all,
I just wanna die.

What’s more unbelievable is that,
I LITERALLY scream and jumped in front of him while he’s seated down. I didn’t take a seat, I was just leaning on the wall, continuing to cry buckets after buckets.
This is so embarrassing omg idk why I’m just so embarrassed by it. Today is just such a fucked up day for me and shhh… But I think I might have just sprain my ankle again. Not the left leg this time, it’s the other. 😰😔 FML seriously.