Sorry I don’t really come on here anymore but since this is my place to vent I shall use it. Things are quite shaky ATM and not just in the area of eating and anorexia but also my depression. Firstly let’s start with eating. Tbh it isn’t awful just really scared of gaining weight and being weight restored makes the fear more intense. Also my anorexic thoughts are so strong to the point where I can’t even think straight and I just become consumed by self loathing and hatred. Seeing all the people around me and how I am so big compared to them really sets ana off. I know I need to block it out but as you all know, it isn’t easy. I have also noticed to tone of people’s voices and the way in which my family treats me isn’t great. I try so hard to please my Mom then she shouts and I just go up to my room(I don’t let her see me cry) and then just break down and then my suicidal thoughts take over. I know it seems I am making things bigger than they are but I feel this deep feeling of rejection and frankly I don’t know why. I haven’t seen my counsellor for almost a month cause of School and that really doesn’t help. My doctor is also super pissed that I haven’t been to be weighed and meds discussed but oh well might just discharge myself. Sorry for the negative sort of post but yea this is what has been going on. Other than that Sixth Form is going great and I am keeping on top of all my Work. I feel a lot more motivated to do the Work which is always good! Stay Strong my iccle fruit bats!