Rose the Spicey Bird
He’s the ambassador in Mew York for Citrico Capital

Poison affinity

If the sign on the door hadn’t read “Mr. Rose, Actual Ambassador, Citrico Capital, Office of”, you’d be sure you just walked into a supply closet. A supply closet covered with sand.

The office barely has enough room to take a few steps in either direction, and the desk that sits before you allows no room for anyone to walk around it. You wonder if the ambassador has to climb over it whenever he desires to leave. Or maybe he jumps out the only window, also located right behind his desk. The only available chair is for guests like you to sit in. Odd.

Aside from the lack of space and the thin layer of sand covering the floor, the room is fairly normal. Posters are lined up on the walls, all of them depicting a famous moment in many of Citrico Capital’s famous sports.

A small bird rests atop a perch in the middle of the desk, paying you no attention. There is no one here.

You proceed to walk out of the room in order to inform the receptionist that there must have been some mistake, that the ambassador is, in fact, not there, or ready for you, when you hear it.

"Hey, buddy. Where are you going? Come on, we gotta get this ball rolling! Lots of people like you need some help, and there’s not enough time in the day for all of them!

"Close the door and take a seat! Take any seat you’d like!"

Turning around reveals no ambassador, just the same bird you saw moments ago. It performs a few hops on its perch and flaps its wings towards you.

"Come on, come on! The clock’s ticking! Only ten more seconds in the round!"

Although unsure of yourself, you comply with the bird’s orders. As you take a seat, you notice the nameplate underneath its perch reads “Mr. Rose”.

"Oh, man. Shut the dang door, buddy! People will start to think it’s their turn. Last time someone came in here and left the door open, I didn’t notice. I was sorting through some papers, and I looked up to see like, four or five guys in here. Big guys, way bigger than me, and pretty annoyed that they weren’t the only one in this room. Couldn’t tell them to get out, either. They didn’t speak a lick of Common! I know you do, thank god for that. You wouldn’t have closed the door otherwise.

"Wish I didn’t have to be here, no offense to you, buddy. I’m all for helping you and yours get your lives back in order, that’s why I took this position in the first place. It’s just I had a couple games I was supposed to be at back in Citrico right now. They were gonna let me either throw or kick the first ball, I think. Kind of a special event to honor their ambassador, and I went and stood them up. Your plight comes first, though. I’ll be able to go down to Citrico later. They’ll always be more games, but you only have one life. Usually.

"Say, if I can’t actually see or be in a game right now, how about you tell me about one? Doesn’t have to be one of those exotic Glissod snowsports or Jewell olympics, anything will do. I’ve just been doing paperwork for people in your shoes for so long I just want to… I just want to crumple all these papers up and slam them into my trash can. Bet I could turn that into a sport, somehow. Anyway, I’d have to start all the paperwork over from scratch if I did that. And then I’d want to slam it all over again. I don’t want that, and you don’t want that.

"I can see it in your eyes. You want to get out there on the court of life and give it your best swing. So show me your best, buddy. Swing away. Give me some sports related story. Could even be as simple as a really good round of tag. I’m desperate. Anything will do.

"All done! Right on the buzzer, too. You think I’d keep you waiting? Not on my stopwatch, buddy! You can come pick up your proof of citizenship in a couple of weeks, but I’d personally wait until this whole wave of refugees thing dies down. I’d probably fly down to Citrico and check out the sports down there for a while, get my hint? Nah. Do whatever you like. Welcome to Mew York. Tell the next in line I’m ready for them, will you?"