You just can’t discuss gender abolitionism with people who think female is a gender. It will give you a headache.
Actually, it’s difficult to discuss gender abolitionism with anyone who doesn’t have even basic knowledge of sociology and doesn’t know the word gender actually means in theory. I blame the english language for constantly conflating the words sex and gender. In French, the word gender (le genre) is a single noun that designates the social roles attributed to the sexes as a whole. You can’t say the “female gender” or the “male gender” in French, you refer to people by their sex. But in English it’s too easy to get confused.
If you want to be sociologically correct: males and females are individuals from each sex (intersex people can be either male or female, and in a very small percentage of cases they are completely ambiguous), who are subjected to gendered socialization. The result of gendered socialization is called gender. Sex refers to the biological characteristics (no matter how flawed our understanding of these biological characteristics may be), whereas gender refers to the socially constructed characteristics.
This is basic sociology people. Learn your shit.